Murphy's Laws

[Jishnu]

Originally discovered by technicians on crash tests at Cailfornia in 1949, Murphy's Laws spread quickly. They were spotted everywhere: buses always came in threes, desperately needed objects became invisible, etc...

Well, let us post them over here..

These are some of my favorite picks among the Murphy's Laws regarding software/technology. I've taken them from 'Why the toast always lands the butter side down' by Richard Robinson.

1) "If it's not in the computer, it does not exist."

2) "Whenever a system becomes completaly defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition."

3) "Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget. Or, all is well that ends."

4) "If there is the possibility of several things going wrong, then the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong."

But why make you suffer more?! Should not make it lengthy for Murphy also says, "The longer you look at a page, the more the words don't get in." ;) ;)

Oops, I misspelt the thread title.

[EnderX]

O'Toole's Commentary:

"Murphy was an optimist."

[Jishnu]

I'd say some of his observations sound pessimistic (sometimes even wierd); but they are surprisingly realistic.

[vmanes]

Here's probably all the Murphyisms you could ever want or need

[Jishnu]

http://www.murphys-laws.com/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murphy's_law

[EnderX]

I'd say some of his observations sound pessimistic (sometimes even wierd); but they are surprisingly realistic.

I apologize. Perhaps the spacing I used made it difficult to recognize the context I was giving.

The phrase 'Murphy was an optimist'is the 'law' called O'Toole's Commentary. As you yourself pointed out, the hypothetical original Murphy would seem to have been somewhat, if not severely, pessimistic. So how pessimistic must O'Toole's outlook have been?

[GrimJack]

How 'bout the 3 laws of thermodynamics re-phrased:
1) You can't win
2) You can't break even
3) You can't get out of the game.

Murphy fought entropy and entropy won

[Jishnu]

The phrase 'Murphy was an optimist' is the 'law' called O'Toole's Commentary. As you yourself pointed out, the hypothetical original Murphy would seem to have been somewhat, if not severely, pessimistic. So how pessimistic must O'Toole's outlook have been?

I guess that would be pessmistic beyond the realms of reality.

[MidiMagic]

How 'bout the 3 laws of thermodynamics re-phrased: 1) You can't win 2) You can't break even 3) You can't get out of the game.

Murphy fought entropy and entropy won

Capitalism is based on the false assumption you can win (but government prevents that)

Socialism is based on the false assumption that you can break even.

Mysticism and Transcendental Meditation are based on the false assumption that you can quit the game.

[MidiMagic]

More laws:

Imbesi's law on the conservation of filth:
- In order for something to become clean, something else must become dirty.
- But you can get everything dirty without getting anything clean.

Boren's laws:
1. When in charge, ponder.
2. When in trouble, delegate.
3. When in doubt, mumble.

Corollary for cats:
3. When in doubt, wash.

The waste multiplier law:
- If you put a teaspoon of wine in a barrel full of sewage, you get sewage.
- If you put a teaspoon of sewage in a barrel full of wine, you get sewage.

- If you set n mousetraps, the n+1 mouse gets all the cheese.

Measurement laws:
1. measure with micrometer
2. Mark with chalk
3. Cut with ax
4. Measure once, cut twice

Lurry's commentary on the measurement laws:

Measure once, cut once, measure again, cut again, get another piece and start over because it's now too short.

Lowry's Laws of the Lab:
1. Hot glass looks exactly like cold glass.
2. Once an experiment is fouled up, anything done to improvement makes it worse.
3. For any given result, someone can be found to fake it, deny it, or claim it happened according to his pet theory.
4. If n ingredients are needed for an experiment, n-1 will be available.

Zymurgy's evolving system dynamics law:
- Once a can of worms is opened, you need a bigger can to recan them.

Dobbin's law:
- When in doubt, use a bigger hammer.

Ulan's law on traffic congestion:
- Roads cause traffic like mice cause cheese.

[MidiMagic]

Murphy's original laws:
1. It's never as easy as it looks.
2. Everything will take longer than you think it will.
3. If anything can go wrong, it will.
4. When left to themselves, things go from bad to worse.
5. Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.

Fitznik's corollary to Murphy's law:
- Originlal documents will be destroyed by the copier.

O'Toole's revelation:
Murphy was an optimist.

Peter's commentary:
O'Toole was an optimist.

Lowery's laws of the lab (see previous post):
5. Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment ruined.
6. Under the most carefully controlled conditions, the organism will do whatever it wants to do.
7. No experiment is ever a complete failure. It can always be used as a negative example.

Maier's Law:
- If the facts don't fit the theory, they must be disposed of.

Hynek's corollary to Maier's law:
- Use file 13 (the wastebasket).

Law of selective gravitation:
- A falling object will land where it will do the most damage.

Jennings' corollary:
- The probability of toast falling buttered side down is proportional to the cost of the carpet.

Phumble's Law:
- Do it yesterday.

Pedro's law:
- Do it tomorrow.

Marlow's Law:
- When asked to give the probability of a given technical success, don't.

Ziegler's Law:
- People whose last names begin at the front of the alphabet have a better chance in life.

Etorre's Observations:
- The other line moves faster
- Switching lines makes the line you leave the other line
- Switching back messes up both lines and makes everyone mad.

Newton's 7th law:
- A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.

Simon's law:
- Everything put together falls apart sooner or later.
Corollaries:
- If you mess with it enough, you will break it.
- If you mess with it some more, you will eventually get it to work.
- If you take something apart and put it together again, you will find extra parts on the bench.
- If you take something apart and put it together again enough times, you will eventually have two of them.

Howe's law_ Every man has a scheme that will not work.

Swampfelders law on oscilloscope probe pilferage:
- They 10 to 1 away. (read it out loud)

Peter's Bureaucracy Rule:
- Bureaucracy expands to the size of the budget, not the task.

Democracy law:
- Democracy is the process by which people choose who will get the blame.

Bundy: rule:
- Don't invent rules of thumb.

Robinson's law on project schedules:
- To find out the real time a project will take, do the following:
1. Determine if it is a hardware or a software project.
2. Multiply hardware schedules by 1.8 (see the 90-90 rule below).
3. Double the estimate for a software schedule, and then change the unit of time to the next higher unit (an estimated 2 month project will take 4 years to complete).

The 90-90 project schedule rule:
- The first 90 percent of the work will take the first 90 percent of the time.
- The last 10 percent of the work will take the remaining 90 percent of the time.

Rudin's law:
- In a crisis, most people chose the worst possible course of action.

Bombeck's Law:
- An ugly carpet lasts forever.

Will Rogers' Laws:
- Trying to control gove3rnment spending is like trying to sew a button on a custard pie.
- I see the legislature is in session again. I was afraid they were going to do that.
- Your civil rights and freedoms are secure only when the legislature is not in session.

Various laws:
- Dimensions will be given in least useful forms (furlongs per fortnight for velocity).
- All constants are variable.
- All errors always add in the same direction. That direction is the one that makes the biggest difference.
- All published specifications are always multiplied by 2.5 or 0.6, whichever giver the better looking figure.
- If a shrdlu can creep in the instruction manual, it will.
- All warranties become void on payment of invoice.
- A fail-safe device damages other parts.
- The transistor protects the fuse by blowing out first.
- Hot air escaping from government buildings causes global warming.
- After the last of 33 bolts has been removed, you will discover that it's the wrong cover.
- After the last of 33 bolts has been tightened, you will discover that you left out the gasket.
- When a part is damaged, it is damaged beyond recognition.
- People from the future will think that television is what we made convicted criminals watch.
- A phonograph is as useless without records as the records are useless without the phonograph.
- No man is smart enough to put the same foot on two rungs of a ladder.
- The computer link will zxnrbl komminl blerbu$ gad0okey brockmil bavafoo 3&@*.

Causes of cancer:
- Inbred white laboratory rats
- Drug testing
- Force feeding
- Loud music in the lab
- Smoking lab techs
- "Cancer in rats" announcements on TV
- Being in the experimental group
- A janitor with bug spray

The optimist laws:
- Don't lose heart...
- They might want to cut it out...
- Ans they want to avoid a lengthy search.

[scru]

Who the heck was Murphy? Sounds like a massive Pessimist...

[scru]

Hmm, or maybe just extremely prudent...

[cscgal]

> Oops, I misspelt the thread title.
Fixed.

[cscgal]

Who the heck was Murphy? Sounds like a massive Pessimist...

Murphy's Law: Whatever can go wrong, will.

[sneekula]

Edward Aloysius Murphy was an American aerospace engineer who worked on safety-critical systems (1918 – 1990). "Whatever can go wrong, will!" was his first law.

[MidiMagic]

Actually, his THIRD law is "If anything can go wrong, it will."

He was a naval officer in World War II when he created his laws.

[vegaseat]

Murphy's original laws: 1. It's never as easy as it looks. 2. Everything will take longer than you think it will. 3. If anything can go wrong, it will. 4. When left to themselves, things go from bad to worse. 5. Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.

Fitznik's corollary to Murphy's law: - Originlal documents will be destroyed by the copier.

O'Toole's revelation: Murphy was an optimist.

Peter's commentary: O'Toole was an optimist.

Lowery's laws of the lab (see previous post): 5. Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment ruined. 6. Under the most carefully controlled conditions, the organism will do whatever it wants to do. 7. No experiment is ever a complete failure. It can always be used as a negative example.

Maier's Law: - If the facts don't fit the theory, they must be disposed of.

Hynek's corollary to Maier's law: - Use file 13 (the wastebasket).

Law of selective gravitation: - A falling object will land where it will do the most damage.

Jennings' corollary: - The probability of toast falling buttered side down is proportional to the cost of the carpet.

Phumble's Law: - Do it yesterday.

Pedro's law: - Do it tomorrow.

Marlow's Law: - When asked to give the probability of a given technical success, don't.

Ziegler's Law: - People whose last names begin at the front of the alphabet have a better chance in life.

Etorre's Observations: - The other line moves faster - Switching lines makes the line you leave the other line - Switching back messes up both lines and makes everyone mad.

Newton's 7th law: - A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.

Simon's law: - Everything put together falls apart sooner or later. Corollaries: - If you mess with it enough, you will break it. - If you mess with it some more, you will eventually get it to work. - If you take something apart and put it together again, you will find extra parts on the bench. - If you take something apart and put it together again enough times, you will eventually have two of them.

Howe's law_ Every man has a scheme that will not work.

Swampfelders law on oscilloscope probe pilferage: - They 10 to 1 away. (read it out loud)

Peter's Bureaucracy Rule: - Bureaucracy expands to the size of the budget, not the task.

Democracy law: - Democracy is the process by which people choose who will get the blame.

Bundy: rule: - Don't invent rules of thumb.

Robinson's law on project schedules: - To find out the real time a project will take, do the following: 1. Determine if it is a hardware or a software project. 2. Multiply hardware schedules by 1.8 (see the 90-90 rule below). 3. Double the estimate for a software schedule, and then change the unit of time to the next higher unit (an estimated 2 month project will take 4 years to complete).

The 90-90 project schedule rule: - The first 90 percent of the work will take the first 90 percent of the time. - The last 10 percent of the work will take the remaining 90 percent of the time.

Rudin's law: - In a crisis, most people chose the worst possible course of action.

Bombeck's Law: - An ugly carpet lasts forever.

Will Rogers' Laws: - Trying to control gove3rnment spending is like trying to sew a button on a custard pie. - I see the legislature is in session again. I was afraid they were going to do that. - Your civil rights and freedoms are secure only when the legislature is not in session.

Various laws: - Dimensions will be given in least useful forms (furlongs per fortnight for velocity). - All constants are variable. - All errors always add in the same direction. That direction is the one that makes the biggest difference. - All published specifications are always multiplied by 2.5 or 0.6, whichever giver the better looking figure. - If a shrdlu can creep in the instruction manual, it will. - All warranties become void on payment of invoice. - A fail-safe device damages other parts. - The transistor protects the fuse by blowing out first. - Hot air escaping from government buildings causes global warming. - After the last of 33 bolts has been removed, you will discover that it's the wrong cover. - After the last of 33 bolts has been tightened, you will discover that you left out the gasket. - When a part is damaged, it is damaged beyond recognition. - People from the future will think that television is what we made convicted criminals watch. - A phonograph is as useless without records as the records are useless without the phonograph. - No man is smart enough to put the same foot on two rungs of a ladder. - The computer link will zxnrbl komminl blerbu$ gad0okey brockmil bavafoo 3&@*.

Causes of cancer: - Inbred white laboratory rats - Drug testing - Force feeding - Loud music in the lab - Smoking lab techs - "Cancer in rats" announcements on TV - Being in the experimental group - A janitor with bug spray

The optimist laws: - Don't lose heart... - They might want to cut it out... - Ans they want to avoid a lengthy search.

The nicest collection of laws I have seen in a long time, thanks!