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Jan 4th, 2008
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Re: Lawyer Joke of the Day

Click to Expand / Collapse  Quote originally posted by MidiMagic ...
California has 2/3 of the lawyers in the US because New Jersey got to choose first. They chose toxic waste instead.
Oh yeah California, where your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman who delivers your mail is into S & M, your Mary Kay rep is a guy in drag, and your lawyer is Perry Mason on pot.
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sneekula is offline Offline
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Jan 22nd, 2008
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Re: Lawyer Joke of the Day

Q: What can a goose do, that a duck can't do, and a lawyer should do?

A: Stick his bill up his ass.
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sneekula is offline Offline
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Jan 26th, 2008
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Re: Lawyer Joke of the Day

http://socialistsquirrel.com/archives/322
Quote ...
You might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman’s credibility.
Quote ...
Q: ‘Officer — did you see my client fleeing the scene?’

A: ‘No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.’

Q: ‘Officer — who provided this description?’

A: ‘The officer who responded to the scene.’

Q: ‘A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?’

A: ‘Yes, sir. With my life.’

Q: ‘With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?’

A: ‘Yes sir, we do!’

Q: ‘And do you have a locker in the room?’

A: ‘Yes sir, I do.’

Q: ‘And do you have a lock on your locker?’

A: ‘Yes sir.’

Q: ‘Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?’

A: ‘You see, sir — we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.’

The courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called.
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Dave Sinkula is offline Offline
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Jan 29th, 2008
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Re: Lawyer Joke of the Day

Where there's a will, there's a lawyer's bill.
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MidiMagic is offline Offline
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since Jan 2007
Jan 29th, 2008
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Re: Lawyer Joke of the Day

When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law before the
criminal gets arrested, we call him an accomplice. When a person
assists a criminal in breaking the law after the criminal gets
arrested, we call him a defense lawyer.
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ZZucker is offline Offline
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since Jan 2008
Jan 31st, 2008
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Re: Lawyer Joke of the Day

A local lawyer defending a drunk driver couldn't show up in court because he had been arrested for drunk driving.
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sneekula is offline Offline
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Jan 31st, 2008
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Re: Lawyer Joke of the Day

"Did you hear? Old man Smith's found a way to insure the lawyer's don't get any more of his money than his kids do."
"How'd he do it?"
"He left half his estate to one of the best lawyers around, provided the other half gets to his heirs intact."
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EnderX is offline Offline
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Feb 2nd, 2008
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Re: Lawyer Joke of the Day

I had a mock trial competition yesterday and at the end the judge said that one of our witnesses that played an officer did a good job because it's usually hard because officers come off as cold or unlikeable to juries in a courtroom. The funny thing is that witness' dad was a real cop and he was there in the courtroom when they said that, in uniform. Then the judge realized what she just said and got all embarressed. (By the way, we won and get to move on to regional competition. I played the part of defense lawyer so I felt pretty good. If we win this we go to the state competition and then on to the national competition.)
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sk8ndestroy14 is offline Offline
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since Mar 2007
Feb 3rd, 2008
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Re: Lawyer Joke of the Day

99% of lawyers make the the other 1% look bad.
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vmanes is offline Offline
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since Aug 2007
Feb 5th, 2008
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Re: Lawyer Joke of the Day

Click to Expand / Collapse  Quote originally posted by vmanes ...
99% of lawyers make the the other 1% look bad.
Well, my dad is a very successful lawyer and has helped a lot of people in his life. Something he and I are proud off. Looks like this thread is more about envy, by folks who have an unsuccessful and poorly paying job.
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Lardmeister is offline Offline
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since Mar 2007

This thread is more than three months old

No one has posted to this discussion for at least three months. Please let old threads die and do not reply to them unless you feel you have something new and valuable to contribute that absolutely must be added to make the discussion complete. Otherwise, please start a new thread in this forum instead.
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