http://www.daniweb.com/forums/thread77206.html

Child: "Mom, why do you have strands of grey hair mixed in with your dark hair?"

Mother: "Every time you disobey, I get one strand of grey hair. If you want me to stay pretty, you better obey."

Child after some thinking: "Mom, why is Grandma's hair all grey?"

<<long story detailing all the petty grievances of the day leading to - >> I finally got the cash register to open and drawer shot out spilling change all over the floor. I was on my hands and knees picking up change when the phone rang, I stood up to answer it and smacked my head on the still-open register drawer. When I got to the phone it was your mom asking me how to use an anal suppository - so I told her.

The future of google:

http://photoserver.ws/files/3lh8kaan6y4z6j2g8chb.jpg

A couple, desperate to conceive a child, went to their priest and asked him to pray for them.

"I'm going on a sabbatical to Rome," he replied, "and while I'm there, I'll light a candle for you."

When the priest returned three years later, he went to the couple's house and found the wife pregnant, busily attending to two sets of twins. Elated, the priest asked her where her husband was so that he could congratulate him.

"He's gone to Rome, to blow that candle out" came the wife's reply.

The Reply:

An elderly man had serious hearing problems for many years. He went to hearing specialist who was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that gave him perfect hearing again.

The elderly man went back after a month to see the specialist who asked him, "Is your family pleased with your perfect hearing?"

The elderly man said, "Oh, I haven't told them yet. I just sit and listen to their conversations. I've already changed my will three times!"

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.

I just ran across this (old) joke:
"Man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, whenever I fart it sounds like this", and demonstrates. There is a drawn out noise that sounds for all the world like "Honda!". He does it again, and again it sounds like he's calling out the name of the Japanese manufacturer. "What is wrong with me, doc?" (In all jokes, doctors are called "doc". It's required.)

The doctor hems and haws for a few minutes and consults a learned tome, and then asks, "Have you been drinking absinthe lately?" For those who don't know, that's a nasty alcoholic drink that is banned in many countries. "Well, yes, I have," replies the hapless man. "Well, that explains it!" the doctor triumphantly says. "Absinthe makes the farts go 'Honda!'" "