how manny psyhcopaths does it take to change a lightbulb?


nobody knows cause they kill all the witnesses and deny ever changing the lightbulb to begin with

a man is driving down an old country road in outback aus when he passes a pub with a sighn that reads : FREE BEER TO WHOEVER CAN MAKE THIS DONKEY STOP CRYING!!!
curious the man pulls over and goes inside and enquires about the sighn,
the barman says this donkey mate he just wont stop crying if you can make him stop (and within reason) i dont care how ya do it ill give ya free beer all night or until you cant drink anymore..
the man thinks about it for a minute and then says ok ill give it a go.
he walks outside and whispers into the donkeys ear and all of a sudden the donkey bursts out laughing.
proud of himself the man walks back into the bar and the barman is astounded but as he stated earlier he would give the man free beer

the next day the man drives off and doesnt come back past for about 2 weeks when he sees a sighn that reads FREE BEER TO ANYWONE WHO CAN MAKE THIS DONKEY STOP LAUGHING so the man walks in and says to the barman ill make that donkey stop laughing the barman was a bit hessitant but agrees anyway soon enuf the donkey is in tears again and the man walks back inside the bar the barman poors him a beer and asks how he did it

the man replied well last time to stop him laughing i told him i had a bigger Dic than him

this time i proved it

Q: "What do you call kids born in a house of ill repute?"
A: "Brothel sprouts."

lol nice one..... brothel sprouts

this was sent to me in a email


An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.

She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.'

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian.

If you're ever walking down the beach and you see a girl dressed in a bikini made out of seashells, and you pick her up and hold her to your ear, you can hear her scream.

This is the Mr. Homer Simpsons' lines.. Enjoy reading! Ahihihi:TWISTED:

.

Great work with the Simpson quotes. That show is so funny and should be watched by all.

Well, how about a funny quote?

In Heaven all the interesting people are missing.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche

In heaven there is no espresso, hence no waiting for espresso - some French philosopher, I forget which.

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

SNIP