The Problem
With the availability of chat rooms and groups on Internet Web sites, the temptation to meet new people online increases, according to research. Online relationships provide individuals with an outlet to tell secrets and express themselves to a stranger anonymously, while allowing for the creation of another persona.
Men often create a well-groomed, professional, athletic persona, while women create a thin, beautiful and adventurous alter ego. When online, people create fictitious, seemingly perfect personalities that are desirable to others to fill social and psychological needs.Though, most come clean after a short period when it becomes time to meet the other person. In 40% of the cases, online cheating is with someone the person already knows.
Why it happens
Once the honeymoon phase of marriage or a courtship is over, couples sometimes get bored, begin to take each other for granted and stop doing the nice things they did for one another before getting married or involved. When that happens, (spouses or partners) are vulnerable and may seek affection and attention from someone else. Men are goal oriented. They can’t read (women’s) minds. Women should tell their husbands what they need. Most of the time, men just want to do what their wives need them to do. If a woman needs attention, she should tell her husband exactly what she wants.
Warning signs, consequences and recovery
There are warning signs that an individual might be having an online relationship such as an increase in time spent privately on the Internet, reluctance to let others access the computer, frequently erasing Internet histories and constantly deleting e-mails.
In addition to providing warning signs,there are tips to stop having an online affair:
• Admit Internet use is causing problems in the relationship.
• Only use the computer for specific reasons — do not “surf” the Internet.
• Move the computer to an open area.
• Remove online messaging programs and change e-mail addresses.
• Install computer monitoring software.
• Spend more time with family and friends.
Sometimes people become addicted to the Internet. If an individual is addicted, then more intensive counselling to battle the addiction may be necessary.
The Signs of a Cyber-Affair
I'm sure all of us who have been in relationships wonder what our significant other is doing when they are on-line. There is a distinct difference between that random thought that may enter your jealous mind, and a real reason to be thinking about what your loved one is doing or who they are chatting with on-line. If you ever have wanted to know if your loved one was guilty of infidelity, but don't know how to go about finding out without asking them, then these few tips may help you out.
Lying is always an indicator of something gone wrong in a relationship and is often a sign of infidelity. If your loved one begins to tell you they are "just surfing the Internet," and they do it in privacy, you may have something to worry about. You must ask yourself how many times this has been happening, There is a fine line before having friends of the opposite sex on the Internet and constantly being with them on-line. If he/she has nothing to hide, then he/she shouldn't be lying to you in the first place, and you shouldn't turn into the questioning and jealous loved one until the excuses begin occurring much more frequently.
You should also look for signs (listed below) to see if your loved one seems to be drifting away from you as well. Try to pay more attention to the inner workings of your relationship. See if husband/wife/partner still spends quality time with you willingly, or if he/she avoids speaking with you about anything besides superficial topics. If they are not paying as much attention to you, and you know they do not have a significant reason to want to be alone or more aloof, then this may also be a sign of infidelity. Are they simply avoiding you, or avoiding their friends as well? Usually if a person is cheating on their loved one, they continue to keep contact with their friends much more than the loved one. Sometimes, the best way to tell if they are cheating on you is through the little things.
No matter what happens, always make sure to talk to your loved one before making any rash decisions. Sometimes you may think you have the best clues and you could be completely wrong, so confront them and ask them what's going on and why you are worried without accusing them. You still want to give them a chance to defend themselves so you can then decide if they are telling the truth, lying once again or if they come clean with the cyber affair. So whatever you decide, discuss your thoughts and feelings with your significant other before breaking off that relationship because of the cyber affair.
Experts say that a gut instinct is one of the most powerful signs of infidelity. Statistics say that 85% of women who feel their lover is cheating are correct. 50% of men who feel their lover is cheating are right. The first clue is seldom obvious. Typically, it's a "feeling" that something is different. You notice minor changes in your lover's behavior. Even the most skilled cheater can't hide these clues and only a lover in total denial can miss them. The first sign of infidelity can be a comment or incident that seems harmless but remains in your mind. The following is a short list of infidelity signs:
- Your spouse spends an excessive amount of time in the on-line chat rooms.
- Your spouse pays less attention to you.
- Your spouse is preoccupied with on-line chatting, more distant emotionally
- Your spouse is insisting on chatting alone.
- Your spouse has unaccounted time away from home.
- Your spouse has a decreased interest in sex.
- Your spouse becomes defensive during normal conversations
- Discovery of a post office box.
- The toilet bowl seat is up, (men) and when you left home it was down.
- The passenger seat in the car has been moved and is not in the usual position.
- An unusual number of hang ups or wrong number calls.
- Fragrances of colognes and/or perfumes are noticed on clothing of a cheating spouse.
- Automobile mileage is unusual for claims made by cheating spouse.
- Your spouse explains a late return home as a result of having to drive
out of town on business, but yet the mileage on the car indicates less than ten mile driven. - Discover the recent opening of another checking account.
- Unaccounted for hairs of a different color on clothing.
- Cigarette smoke on clothing that can not be explained.
- Credit card transactions for unknown or unusual types of purchases.
- Cosmetic, perfume or lipstick purchases listed but not received.
- An increase in toll and/or long distance calls.
- Increase in ATM withdrawals. Check the transaction record to ID the withdrawal.
- Income tax returns revealing unexplained travel and business expense deductions.
- Florist or jewellery bills.
- Credit card gas purchases that are inconsistent for the amount of miles driven on the car.
- Joins a health gym or weight reducing clinic.
- Visits made to the tanning salon.
- New hair style.
- Wearing hair spray, colognes & perfumes more often.
- Needs a pager, mobile phone, Protective of said devices.
- Excessive buying of new and different clothes.
- Sudden and unexplained change in clothing style.
- The buying of sexy underwear or lingerie.
- There is an unexplained aloofness or indifference in the relationship.
Conclusion
Trust your partner or spouse, if you have any room for doubt, talk to each other. Try to sort things out before the escalate and get worse.