But I found when I'm not looking .. I meet the nicest women.

This is also what I've found...

To paraphrasepty, look at it from a different perspective. You've had 23 girlfriends. That's more than most so you've got something good going for you. Are you still friendly with any? If so, talk to them. If it's something you do, you'll have something to work on.

Flaco .... Mejo,

How do you feel right now that you've read all the posts?

You know an old surfer that I really admired, the gals just flocked around him ... he wasn't a pretty boy type ... he had a shaved head like i have know, a little gut.. but he was realy cool..confident, friendly and comfortable with himself, once told me ..He doesn't give advice ... he gives knowledge and It was up to me to either use it or just "file" it.

I was kinda feeling sorry for myself .. I was in a slump .. I wasn't bln, tall and handsome. I was short, dark and mysterious ... LOL... An the gals weren't looking for that around that time..

He told me that woman were like waves. You find one, ride it , enjoy the ride or bail if youre gonna wipe out or if its a good one you ride out to the shore and enjoy it.. He said sometimes you don't even find them ...when you don't find them .. you just enjoy the ocean ...cuz you know eventually .. not necessarily that day.

You know I was thinkin' old man I need help right now ..I don't need stories... It was about a month before I realized what he meant.

Well the story came back to haunt me everytime i broke up or got divorced... I gotta admit ...I'm a slow learner. But I learned what it meant.

You know as old as I am ... I use the info still. You just gotta be yourself and enjoy the ride or the travel. You know ...when I stopped getting upset with myself or the gals .. I enjoy the finding of new waves, riding out ... I don't wipe out as mcuh anymore. I seem to enjoy all the women and girls i meet ... I thinks they're special and have their unique ways... i don't try to change them or change for them .. I just enjoy them and love em'.

You know ... I'm at the point right now where I'm friends with my former wives and girlfriends... It's all about attitude and perception.

But it didn't happen overnite .. Alot of my friends that are woman or girls ask how come i'm so easy to get along with ... I tell them ... it took alot of girlfriends or wives just to housebreatk me ... And time alone to figure out what I was doing ... and time alone to get comfortable with myself.. If you can get to the point where you really enjoy them and comfortable and confident ... your there! I'm almost 50 and when I was younger .. I thought that I wouldn't be like that old surfer.

I still surf, I'm bald, short dark, mysterious, and handsome (attitude and perception) And I don't just make friends with the cute gals. I make friends with all the gals..woman,moms, grandmas...babies. Its just a natural part of me now.. oh! I smile and laugh alot also.

Sound like you've made up your mind. It's a process of getting out there and not really lookin' but get in the line up, kinda be out there for the waves, socially network, do stuff where you will meet people .. you know .. people can hook you up .. you gotta see what's out there .. you don't have to look but "See".

See what the other guys that are successful are doing also .. If you like what they are doing ... or you can see yurself doing that ... then do it.. as long as no one gets hurt.

For awhile, I was trying to be what was uncomfortable for me when I was about 19-20 and I hurt one girl's feeling (I felt like shit for that one)... the other time I was about 38 and I hurt another girls feelings...

Its true I was not getting dumped ... but those two times taught me a lesson... Don't be a jerk .. and don't lead somebody on that your not serious about...

Good Luck Surfing Flaco .. remember "See the waves, jump the good ones, ride it out and avoid wipeouts.... and if you can't find waves .... well it was a good day on the ocean ... and there will always be next time.

Oh! Almost forgot ... About the job ..new surroundings and the apartment... Hey Have Fun ...It's all good ... Life's an adventure!

Flaco .. I forgot to tell you .. I had a stroke last year .. lost my right side .. couldn't talk for about three months.... I was kinda depressed, didn't think I would date again .. let alone live... I was diagnosed with kidney failure and heart failure ...

I woke up and realized that I didn't wanna llive this way ... so I fought, motivated, prayed, meditated, dieted, listened to good music, read and watched good stuff .... and people were thinkin good thoughts for me and supportive... I'm amazed what the spirit and well "guts or balls" can do ... My heart test was good, brain healed, kidneys healed, i got my voice back, and I met alot of pretty medical people and people in hospitals along the way...

I'm doing 1/2 -3/4 or my activities that I did before the stroke..
when you appreciate the little things in life and your glad to be alive every day... "the keepers" (Great woman or girls) like being around you and they find you or you'll just bump into them .. in my case literally .... REMEMBER YOU GOTTA KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN TO SEE...

Attitude and Aloha (Look Up This Word on the Hawaiian Sites for the True Meanings)

I won't give you the easy solutions ... just like I won't live your life for you. When you're older and give this info to someone .. and you will ..
You'll just smile, cuz you'll understand what I mean.

ME KE ALOHA PUMEHANA, HILINA'I, PU'WAI MELE NA'AU AO, AND NA KUPUNA WILL BE WATCHING.

NOW GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY ...LIVE LIFE .. FIND LIGHT

See what the other guys that are successful are doing also .. If you like what they are doing ... or you can see yurself doing that ... then do it.. as long as no one gets hurt.

No - don't try to be anyone else, no matter how well-off they seem to be. Be yourself, and do what you were meant to do. If you try to imitate someone, you're just worse off than when you started. I think most relationships (and this isn't just romantic ones) flourish when people are honest with each other, and aren't pretending to be someone they aren't. It's called trust.

And think of it this way: if you put all your hope in something, your whole life and emotions depend on this one thing (at least, until you decide there's something else you would rather have in the center of your life). So if you place all your hope in girls, it's rather foolish because no relationship comes with a contract. You cannot predict or control your girlfriend's life. And you're going to be disappointed at some time or another.

So choose carefully in what you are going to depend on. Because nothing in this universe is going to last - not even Earth itself.

"I think most relationships (and this isn't just romantic ones) flourish when people are honest with each other, and aren't pretending to be someone they aren't. It's called trust."

Yes. IMO, this is the most important element in any relationship, trust (and it is also very hard to come by it seems.)

Regards,
Matty D.

People I have read your post clearly and I decided to stop searching and just stay in my job now

Do you like your job? If you enjoy your job (or as much as is possible), I see no reason to keep searching. Perhaps you can relax a little bit.when the day comes I hope soon I will be so happy but am still depressed why? Discover what you are meant to do. Everyone has talents, so uncover them. Find out what you really love to do.

May I just quote someone (I can't remember who's signature I read this from or I would acknowledge him/her):

"Depression is merely anger without aggression"

:D I think it's partly true; it's alright to get mad about something, but don't stay that way. Let your anger out, or else it will bottle up inside you. Then you won't wake up with a feeling of not knowing your meaning.I need some love or is it normal?Or am I just plain desperate or stupid? This is byno means unnormal. Millions of people struggle with depression, and, amazingly, it seems to be especially worse for people who are well-off. Be patient, and eventually you'll find the right person. Don't push it, or you'll end up crashing to the ground. Relax, and don't feel bad about yourself.

Yes, Flaco, it is normal. You are feeling your emotions which is a very good thing to be in touch with. The feelings themselves are terrible when they occur but the process you are going through is part of the healing, the opening up and letting go of your emotions instead of stuffing them down inside. This in the long run is good.

As to music that stirs emotions: due to this very thing there is music that I cannot and will not listen to. At the time it is OK, but after awhile it is not healthy to re-live and give energy to these emotions unnecessarily. What I mean is, feel your feelings as they are but try to resist staying in them too long and purposely. I know of this because I have done this too often in my life.

Matty D.

Also when I listen to music that talk about the same situation I am it hurts real bad I have these song I here and it makes me cry almost all of the time is that normal?

That is not unnormal. Anything that brings up previous scars will sting, and you will feel it. But don't dwell on yourself, remain hopeful. No one wants to date someone depressed, so cheer up a little and keep looking! :cheesy:

try to not listen to the song and say stop it to yourself ... remember ... what peole are doing is sharing their thoughts with you... you read it and take what is useful... We have a saying in Hula ... All knowledge odes not come from one halau (hula school)

Your not desparate or stupid ... you just want to be loved and supported.

But you are crying ... and crying can be good to and extent but if your crying too much that could be problems

The job situatation ... you gotta be happy ... i had a career for almost 25 yrs.. When I decided I wasn't happy and I wanted to do something else ... I left my compfort zone and I left. I put 10 years back on my life ... but I got a delayed reaction from the stress ... that stroke..

Hope your doing a little better ... but if it keeps up consider .. just talking to a priest or couselor ... It doesn't mean your crazy

I was from a career where we had the highest depression, anxiety, and suicide rate ... we were up there with the firefighters, nurses, and social workers.. you know ..you never can tell .. there are laws protecting you confidentiality when you go to a counselor.

I don't know how the police officers are in your area but you could talk to one of them...In california ..Its mandatory that we take crisis intervention, counseling and referrel, and dealing with people in crisis...

I heard the officers in Springfield have to have the academy and its regulated by a POST commision similar to ours ... I know there is alot of "cop bashing right now" but most of the officers are professionals...

Remeber ...It doesn't mean that your crazy or a sad case when you talk to a counselor or a priest.. Take some time to think it over

Well thats the problem I do stop listening to it but when am in the streets and cars pass with any type of music that are about love why did you leave any type of music like that get me depressed and sometimes really to kill myself why?Also it hurts bad I almost all the time cry.:sad:

You seem to be a sensitive person; this is a quality that lacks in many (most) people IMO. I have been through scores of negative relationships since 18 (I am almost 36 now) and many times I felt literally doomed that I could never obtain a positive, healthy relationship with a girl. How could I meet a woman of my level when I could not even manage a relationship with a woman who's standards fell below mine? This is not a rant against women, but it is the only gender I have experience with and can give history of. Most women I have dated were "Sirens" ; they were the wrong kind of women to invest myself in: no morality beyond the moment, drug-users in many cases, Pagans, shiftless, immature, and some of the most ungrateful people I have yet to meet. Yet, their physical beauty and charms lured me in. This was my fault, really, for being led. I will never accept this for myself again and either should you. All humans deserve a dear love that treats them how they SHOULD be treated: affection, truth, trust, interest, faith, future.

Now, I am no Optimist-- I am many days a Pessimist and even a Fatalist ("The worst WILL happen!") This I have to fight constantly in order to have a wonderful life. It takes practice. I must trick my mind into postive thoughts and, over time, it seems to work. I still battle with Depression and other related issues at least once a month. When I feel this I do one of many things to help cure this: read, watch Television, play video games, go to church, talk to a friend. I do not code nor listen to music-- that seems to make it worse. It does not always work immediately but it does eventually.

What you are going through, in part, is due to our society. The United States has fallen into the depths of an isolated, fast-paced world where money and "sucess" is the only important thing, it seems. I reject all of this (at least theoretically). We find ourselves in the prison of loneliness and we cannot find a way out. Couple this with Depression, Social Anxiety Disorder, OCD, and other related ailments and we are prone to exile ourselves in order to protect ourselves. We learn through the pain of lost relationships to armor and protect our hearts. This is quite normal even though we do not want it to be so.

I do tend to disagree with those in this world who throw around terms such as "Cheer up" or "Just get over it": yes, we must do these things eventually (and we\ you shall) but it is in your own time, not theirs. People who do NOT suffer Depression have no clue what it is like to live beneath this strain and fear.

It will get better, Flaco, in time.

Matty D.

I hate Myself anyway thanks guys and Lady's now I will try a different approach although I will fail miserably

Don't hate yourself. There's no point in crying over spilled milk (even if it wasn't your fault). There's also no reason to hate yourself. If you can get 29 girlfriends, you must be fairly attractive. ;) And surely you don't believe that that number is not going any higher?

Believe in yourself. Don't give up hope, and you'll likely not only find a female who truly loves you, but you'll find that there's more to life than that. So don't kill yourself just because you got dumped, because it doesn't make any sense.

Well I have a problem I was recently dumped by my girl well is a habit for me already I have been dumped 23 times already because am just plain ugly anyways I need some help or consolation,What is depression?and What to do to get rid of it?because it hurts real bad the same for the tough of suicides any tips and um only 18 any tips or medication to take will help me alot.:sad:

I understand what you're going through even though I am a girl. If you've been dumped 23 times by girls at the age of 18, then maybe you've not really made up your mind yet. Ladies are like shadows, when you chase them, they run away but when you turn your back, they come after you. Remember that there is a saying, "what truly belongs to you will always come back to you". Maybe it's time to forget about these girls and focus on other priorities. No girl is worth your emotions, considering these girls have already moved on.
Remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Don't belittle yourself by claiming you are ugly. I am not asking you to be proud, but treat yourself with the respect you deserve and people will do the same. Besides, I really admire your courage to be open about your feelings, a trait i wish i had!
I dont think you're depressed, you're just going through a stage known as 'self-pity'. When love ends, life continues!