Did you hear about the guy that cut the whole left side of his body off in a chainsaw accident? He's all right.

har har.

Ha, I liked those.

I thought this was pretty funny...

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”
The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

well how about these..


Cigarette:
A Pinch Of Tobacco Rolled In Paper With Fire At One End & A Fool At The Other.

Love Affairs:
Something Like Cricket Where One-Day
Internationals Are More Popular Than A Five Day Test.

Marriage:
It's An Agreement In Which A Man Loses His Bachelor Degree
And A Woman Gains Her Master...

Divorce:
Future Tense Of Marriage...

Lecture:
An Art Of Transferring Information From The Notes Of The Lecturer
To The Notes Of The Students Without Passing Through "The Minds Of Either".

Conference:
The Confusion Of One Man Multiplied By The Number Present...

Compromise:
The Art Of Dividing A Cake In Such A Way That Everybody Believes He Got The Biggest Piece.

Tears:
The Hydraulic Force By Which Masculine Will-Power Is Defeated By Feminine Water-Power.

Dictionary:
A Place Where Divorce Comes Before Marriage and Success Before Work...

Conference Room:
A Place Where Everybody Talks, Nobody Listens & Everybody Disagrees Later On.

Ecstasy:
A Feeling When You Feel You Are Going To Feel A Feeling You Have Never Felt Before.

Classic:
A Book Which People Praise, But Do Not Read.

Smile:
A Curve That Can Set A Lot Of Things Straight.

Office:
A Place Where You Can Relax After Your Strenuous Home Life.

Yawn:
The Only Time Some Married Men Ever Get To Open Their Mouth.

Etc.:
A Sign To Make Others Believe That You Know More Than You Actually Do.

Committee:
Individuals Who Can Do Nothing Individually And Sit To Decide That Nothing Can Be Done Together.

Experience :
The Name Men Give To Their Mistakes.

Atom Bomb:
An Invention To End All Inventions.

Philosopher:
A Fool Who Torments Himself During Life, To Be Spoken Of When Dead.

Diplomat:
A Person Who Tells You To Go To Hell In Such A Way That You Actually Look Forward To The Trip.

Opportunist:
A Person Who Starts Taking Bath If He Accidentally Falls Into A River.

Optimist:
A Person Who While Falling From Eiffel Tower Says In Midway "See I Am Not Injured Yet."

Pessimist:
A Person Who Says That O Is The Last Letter In ZERO, Instead Of The First Letter In Word OPPORTUNITY.

Miser:
A Person Who Lives Poor So That He Can Die Rich.

Father:
A Banker Provided By Nature.

Criminal:
A Guy No Different From The Rest... Except That He Got Caught.

Boss:
Someone Who Is Early When You Are Late And Late When You Are Early.

Politician:
One Who Shakes Your Hand Before Elections And Your Confidence After.

Doctor:
A Person Who Kills Your Ills By Pills, And Kills You With His Bills.

i got a mail today at office. Found it funny. Wanted to share it with you guys.


Frustrated Exam Answers:

See the limits in proton.jpg!!! ultimate…

Those are great arjunsasidharan!, Thanks

Those are great, esp the 'expand' and the 'find x' one. Keep up the good work and keep them coming Arjun since 'we need to laugh'. :-)

A lady brought a pigeon to the vet and laid it on the examining table.

"Please do something for Cuddles! He's sick"

The Vet looks at the bird and tells her "Sorry, the bird's dead"

"No!! He can't be! Do something!"

Taken aback, the vet tries birdie CPR and artificial respiration. Nothing. "Sorry, Ma'am, he's a gonner."

"You DO something! Fix Cuddles"

"Ok", sighs the doc. He goes into the back room and brings out a huge Black Labrador. The Labrador puts his front paws on the examining table and sniffs the bird up and down. After a couple minutes, the dog turns and leaves.

"See? Nothing."

Not quite believing, She sobs, "you gotta do something. This is my Cuddles."

Resignedly, he goes into the back room again and returns with a huge Calico Tabby. The cat circles the bird a few time, sniffs a couple times, circles again. Bat's at the bird with her paws, looks up at the doc, and jumps off the table and disappears into the back room.

"See? Nothing. You have a deceased bird."

Finally believing, she says "OK. I guess Cuddles is really gone. How much do I owe you?"

"$150.00" says the vet.

"$150.00!!! Are you kidding? Just to tell me Cuddles is dead?"

"Well, it would have only been $25.00, but after the Lab test and the Cat scan..."