News of the Weird (gawd, I love life in Seattle):
"Heyyyy, Like 'Arf-Arf,' Man": Nestor Waddell had to rush his 11-year-old Labrador mix, Jack, to the vet in May when he started acting strange during a walk, which had taken him into some bushes. The vet concluded that Jack had discovered and devoured some dry, harvested marijuana. According to Waddell, "(Jack's) eyes were kind of glossed over. ... When he was trying to walk, he was looking at his paw, and then looking at the ground and then trying to get his paw to reach the ground, but was unsuccessful." [KING-TV (Seattle), 6-10-09]

Corn oil is made from corn, Olive oil is made from olives, so what does baby oil come from?

(Source : iGoogle)

THIS IS LIKE THE 4 MILLIONTH TIME AN IDIOT USED THAT SAME QUOTE

It was not funny 40 years ago and it is not funny now

Do not blame your inanity on google

Now yes I'm sure there are jokes for "Wintards" etc, but thought these were funny. Not all Mac users are Mactards, so is in no way aimed at the common user

Cleaned these up from original site, but you'll get the gist

1) An Apple computer user who takes any opportunity to advertise to the world they are 'better' than everyone else because they use a mac, even if this statement has nothing to do with the current conversation.
User 1> Does anyone know why my P4 is having heat issues when I use (program)?
Mactard> HaHa Use a mac!! My mac is better than you're PC anyday! I am so cool because i have an iPod!
User 1> Anyone else? Anyone who isn't a mactard?

2)A computer user with 3 fingers and a thumb stuck up their butt, and therefore only needing one button on the mouse.
Frank: "I can't cope with all these buttons on yer mouse"
Steve: "well pull the rest of yer fingers out 'yer butt you MACTARD"

3)A mac user who has no understanding of computer hardware, engineering or what makes computers fast, and thinks their mac is the best computer ever because it has a finely polished GUI.
mactard:My mac is soo fast because it uses all of its resources to render the shadows on my window buttons.
Listener: Wow. You are mactard.

4)Mac users who think they are better than people who use PCs, and think they know everything about Macs, but in reality don't know much about anything and just like feeling superior to others.

Windows User in Mac Lab: "Dude, this is so annoying, every time I touch the sides of the mouse it keeps spreading all of my windows out."
Mac User: "Oh, here you can turn that off in System Preferences. Let me show you."
Mactard: "HAHA! The PC has made you dumb. Expose is the best thing to grace this planet, you just don't know how to use it cause you're dumb!"
Windows User and Mac User together: "STFU ALREADY DUDE."

5)A computer user who has forgotten (or is ignorant of) the true purpose of the computers existence. A mactard is oblivious to the fact that the computer is a tool for doing legitimate work but is enamoured by how cool his MAC looks.

mactard to windows user:"hey dude check this out, I have 60,000 pictures in this folder and iMistakenIdentity has identified my face in 20,000 of them. Check this out....oh, that's my brothers naked butt....wait check this one out....oops that's not me either - how did that get in there. Hang on I'll find a picture that has me in it.
windows user to mactardo where are you at with the sales report for the CEO?
mactard to windows user:I haven't started my PC yet. Hey come check out this new song by lil-weeny.

6)Someone who could be classified as retarded, yet still possesses enough knowledge to make others believe he is capable of difficult tasks, thus creating suffering from his ineptitude.

Typically encountered in the workplace, MacTards can be dangerous and unpredictable. Unlike someone who is merely retarded and familiar with their limitations, MacTards have great confidence in their ability.

Nick: “We both just got fired for letting Pete put the books away?"
Dave: "How?"
Nick: “Somehow while putting them on the shelves he ended up lighting our office on fire.”
Dave: “I told you not to leave those matches and oily rags down there around that MacTard.”

Q: "Why does it take longer to run from second base to third base than it takes to run from first to second?"
A: "Because you have a short stop between second and third."

In C we had to code our own bugs. In C++ we can inherit them.

Bill Gates wife realized on her wedding night that why Bill Gates has his company name Micro Soft

Q: "Why did the Jolly Green Giant get kicked out of the garden?"
A: "Because he took a pea!"

Q: Why did the mermaid wear sea shells?

A: Because B shells were to small and D shells to big.

(Ok, this works better when spoken.)

Got it... did have to read out-loud though


Q: Why does Steve Jobs pay top-dollar to have all his turtle-necks custom made??

A: Because his head is not only too big for the off-the-rack models, but due to the massive deviations required by the tailor's templates, they charge for the inconvenience