We need to laugh...

[The Dude]

1. How Do You Catch A Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.

2. How Do You Catch A Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way, Unique Up On It.

3. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.

4. What Do Fish Say When They Hit A Concrete Wall?
Dam!

5. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice Too Long?
Polaroids

6. What Do You Call A Boomerang That Doesn't Work?
A Stick.

7. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.

8. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

9. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quattro Sinko.

10. What Do You Get From A Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.

11. What Do You Get When You Cross A Snowman With A Vampire?
Frostbite.

12. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.

13. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.

14. Where Do You Find A Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.

15. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.

16. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.

17. What Is The Difference Between A Harley And A Hoover?
The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

18. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat

:D

[dcc]

Did you hear about the guy that cut the whole left side of his body off in a chainsaw accident? He's all right.

[Sturm]

har har.

[sk8ndestroy14]

Ha, I liked those.

[christina>you]

I thought this was pretty funny...

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”
The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

[arjunsasidharan]

well how about these.. :cool:


Cigarette:
A Pinch Of Tobacco Rolled In Paper With Fire At One End & A Fool At The Other.

Love Affairs:
Something Like Cricket Where One-Day
Internationals Are More Popular Than A Five Day Test.

Marriage:
It's An Agreement In Which A Man Loses His Bachelor Degree
And A Woman Gains Her Master...

Divorce:
Future Tense Of Marriage...

Lecture:
An Art Of Transferring Information From The Notes Of The Lecturer
To The Notes Of The Students Without Passing Through "The Minds Of Either".

Conference:
The Confusion Of One Man Multiplied By The Number Present...

Compromise:
The Art Of Dividing A Cake In Such A Way That Everybody Believes He Got The Biggest Piece.

Tears:
The Hydraulic Force By Which Masculine Will-Power Is Defeated By Feminine Water-Power.

Dictionary:
A Place Where Divorce Comes Before Marriage and Success Before Work...

Conference Room:
A Place Where Everybody Talks, Nobody Listens & Everybody Disagrees Later On.

Ecstasy:
A Feeling When You Feel You Are Going To Feel A Feeling You Have Never Felt Before.

Classic:
A Book Which People Praise, But Do Not Read.

Smile:
A Curve That Can Set A Lot Of Things Straight.

Office:
A Place Where You Can Relax After Your Strenuous Home Life.

Yawn:
The Only Time Some Married Men Ever Get To Open Their Mouth.

Etc.:
A Sign To Make Others Believe That You Know More Than You Actually Do.

Committee:
Individuals Who Can Do Nothing Individually And Sit To Decide That Nothing Can Be Done Together.

Experience :
The Name Men Give To Their Mistakes.

Atom Bomb:
An Invention To End All Inventions.

Philosopher:
A Fool Who Torments Himself During Life, To Be Spoken Of When Dead.

Diplomat:
A Person Who Tells You To Go To Hell In Such A Way That You Actually Look Forward To The Trip.

Opportunist:
A Person Who Starts Taking Bath If He Accidentally Falls Into A River.

Optimist:
A Person Who While Falling From Eiffel Tower Says In Midway "See I Am Not Injured Yet."

Pessimist:
A Person Who Says That O Is The Last Letter In ZERO, Instead Of The First Letter In Word OPPORTUNITY.

Miser:
A Person Who Lives Poor So That He Can Die Rich.

Father:
A Banker Provided By Nature.

Criminal:
A Guy No Different From The Rest... Except That He Got Caught.

Boss:
Someone Who Is Early When You Are Late And Late When You Are Early.

Politician:
One Who Shakes Your Hand Before Elections And Your Confidence After.

Doctor:
A Person Who Kills Your Ills By Pills, And Kills You With His Bills.

[arjunsasidharan]

i got a mail today at office. Found it funny. Wanted to share it with you guys. :)

Frustrated Exam Answers:

See the limits in proton.jpg!!! ultimate… :D

[WaltP]

Those are great arjunsasidharan!, Thanks

[~s.o.s~]

Those are great, esp the 'expand' and the 'find x' one. Keep up the good work and keep them coming Arjun since 'we need to laugh'. :-)

[WaltP]

A lady brought a pigeon to the vet and laid it on the examining table.

"Please do something for Cuddles! He's sick"

The Vet looks at the bird and tells her "Sorry, the bird's dead"

"No!! He can't be! Do something!"

Taken aback, the vet tries birdie CPR and artificial respiration. Nothing. "Sorry, Ma'am, he's a gonner."

"You DO something! Fix Cuddles"

"Ok", sighs the doc. He goes into the back room and brings out a huge Black Labrador. The Labrador puts his front paws on the examining table and sniffs the bird up and down. After a couple minutes, the dog turns and leaves.

"See? Nothing."

Not quite believing, She sobs, "you gotta do something. This is my Cuddles."

Resignedly, he goes into the back room again and returns with a huge Calico Tabby. The cat circles the bird a few time, sniffs a couple times, circles again. Bat's at the bird with her paws, looks up at the doc, and jumps off the table and disappears into the back room.

"See? Nothing. You have a deceased bird."

Finally believing, she says "OK. I guess Cuddles is really gone. How much do I owe you?"

"$150.00" says the vet.

"$150.00!!! Are you kidding? Just to tell me Cuddles is dead?"

"Well, it would have only been $25.00, but after the Lab test and the Cat scan..."

[~s.o.s~]

> Lab test and the Cat scan..
Hehe.

[Aia]

Some more.

[sk8ndestroy14]

Those are good. Keep 'em coming.

[Aia]

It is a little hard to read in the file. So here's the transcription. Please view the jpeg file for comments of the teacher.
____________________________________________________

Coming is like El Niño!

El Niño is spanish. It is the spanish word for child. Like all things spanish, it

is dangerous. It kills people and burns down trees. This child is more than a child. It

really isn't a child at all. It is a storm. A deadly storm that kills people and burns

down trees.
Warm water usually builds up around australia. But not anymore with el niño. El

Niño moves the warm water from australia to somewhere else, namely to other places. Where

are these other places?. These are places that also have water, but water that usually not

as warm as the warm water El Niño moves to these said other places. These other places are

to the east. Of the water.
In Peru, they have many names for many things. One of the things they have names

for is for people who go fishing, go fishing to make a living. If we had a word for this

kind of people that word would be "fisherman". But we don't. In Peru, they have different

names for things than we do in America. They call that kind of people "pescadores".

That's Spanish. That's what they speak in Peru. When El Niño comes, these "pescadores"

can't catch any fish. El Niño is caused when the Peruvian gods get angry. They have been

angry for millions of years and have made El Niño for millions of years. Many many moons

ago, the Peruvians committed human sacrifice to satiate their gods and end the flood that

was caused by El Niño. In today's modern dog-eat-dog work-a-day world of scientists,

diplomats, McSalad Shakers, and George Bush Jr., we no longer have access to such

solutions. We are too proud. We will not commit human sacrifices. We refuse to satiate

the Peruvian gods. Thus, they remain angry and keep killing us and burning down our trees

with El Niño.
Instead of satiating the gods, many of these "scientists" have tried to control El

Niño with "science". They put up expensive fish-attracting-bueys that run on flashlight

batteries. Imagine, fighting the power of the gods with flashlight batteries! Needless

to say, this didn't work and everyone died.

[arjunsasidharan]

Aia.. those two were good.. :D

[christina>you]

;o)

[linux]

Did you hear about the fire at the circus? I heard it was intense!

[sk8ndestroy14]

ha, el nino was great.

[sk8ndestroy14]

A little cheesy but here goes.

Q: Where do you find a dog with no legs?

A: Right where you left it.

[vegaseat]

In the restroom at work, the Boss had placed a sign
directly above the sink. It had a single word on it
-- "Think!"

The next day, when he went to the restroom, he looked
at the sign and right below, immediately above the soap
dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign
which read -- "Thoap!"