Funny Computer Quotes

[pygmalion]

i have found a post such as this with the search, but it's very old, so why not start a fresh one? here goes:

"1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d"

[WaltP]

Ouch... I think I need to talk to my wife!

[j4c0b4d4ms]

i have found a post such as this with the search, but it's very old, so why not start a fresh one? here goes:

1=i, 4=a, 3=e, 7=t
funny~~

[pygmalion]

"I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code"

[WaltP]

Testing. Testing. 001 010 011 100...

[hbk619]

:icon_cheesygrin:

Someones' sig here i think:

There are 10 types of people in this world. Those who understand binary and those who don't!

[WaltP]

:icon_cheesygrin:

Someones' sig here i think:

There are 10 types of people in this world. Those who understand binary and those who don't!

I had that at one time...

Here's something I found back in the 80's:
========================================
Creators Admit Unix, C Hoax

In an announcement that has stunned the computer industry, Ken Thompson, Dennis Ritchie and Brian Kernighan admitted that the Unix operating system and C programming language created by them is an elaborate April Fools prank kept alive for over 20 years.

Speaking at the recent UnixWorld Software Development Forum, Thompson revealed the following: "In 1969, AT&T had just terminated their work with the GE/Honeywell/AT&T Multics project. Brian and I had just started working with an early release of Pascal from Professor Nicklaus Wirth's ETH labs in Switzerland and we were impressed with its elegant simplicity and power. Dennis had just finished reading 'Bored of the Rings', a hilarious National Lampoon parody of the great Tolkien 'Lord of the Rings' trilogy. As a lark, we decided to do parodies of the Multics environment and Pascal. Dennis and I were responsible for the operating environment. We looked at Multics and designed the new system to be as complex and cryptic as possible to maximize casual users' frustration levels, calling it Unix as a parody of Multics, as well as other more risque allusions.

Then Dennis and Brian worked on a truly warped version of Pascal, called 'A'. When we found others were actually trying to create real programs with A, we quickly added additional cryptic features and evolved into B, BCPL and finally C.

We stopped when we got a clean compile on the following syntax:

for(;P("\n"),R=;P("|"))for(e=C;e=;P("_"+(*u++/8)%2))P("| "+(*u/4)%2);

To think that modern programmers would try to use a language that allowed such a statement was beyond our comprehension!

We actually thought of selling this to the Soviets to set their computer science progress back 20 or more years. Imagine our surprise when AT&T and other US corporations actually began trying to use Unix and C!

It has taken them 20 years to develop enough expertise to generate even marginally useful applications using this 1960's technological parody, but we are impressed with the tenacity (if not common sense) of the general Unix and C programmer.

In any event, Brian, Dennis and I have been working exclusively in Pascal on the Apple Macintosh for the past few years and feel really guilty about the chaos, confusion and truly bad programming that has resulted from our silly prank so long ago.

Major Unix and C vendors and customers, including AT&T, Microsoft, Hewlett-Packard, GTE, NCR, and DEC have refused comment at this time.

Borland International, a leading vendor of Pascal and C tools, including the popular Turbo Pascal, Turbo C and Turbo C++, stated they had suspected this for a number of years and would continue to enhance their Pascal products and halt further efforts to develop C.

An IBM spokesman broke into uncontrolled laughter and had to postpone a hastely convened news conference concerning the fate of the RS-6000, merely stating 'VM will be available Real Soon Now'.

In a cryptic statement, Professor Wirth of the ETH institute and father of the Pascal, Modula 2 and Oberon structured languages, merely stated that P. T. Barnum was correct.

In a related late-breaking story, usually reliable sources are stating that a similar confession may be forthcoming from William Gates concerning the MS-DOS and Windows operating environments. And IBM spokesmen have begun denying that the Virtual Machine (VM) product is an internal prank gone awry.

[pygmalion]

:icon_cheesygrin:

Someones' sig here i think:

There are 10 types of people in this world. Those who understand binary and those who don't!

"There are 10 types of people in this world. Those who understand trinary, those who don't and those who confuse it with binary."

"There are II types of people in this world. Those who are familiar with Roman numerals and those who aren't."

[Rashakil Fol]

There are 2^(n-1) types of two types of people in the world jokes.

[EnderX]

In reference to WaltP's little 'history of computing' entry:

Some of the stuff I've seen about earlyish Microsoft development indicates an interesting name for one of their products...a name (and product; haven't checked it for myself yet) that, if true, marks the beginning of a great Microsoft tradition that continues to this day.

Supposedly, one of the early M$ operating systems was known as QDOS. The name is theoretically an acronym, standing for 'Quick & Dirty Operating System'.

Anybody else know more about this little tidbit of history?

[WolfPack]

You should read ugh.

[pygmalion]

yeah, i read about it. you can find out more overhere.

[jbennet]

lol i hate MS. Anyone ever hear about that version of Win2k that was like XP but without the crap e.g Luna interface. It got scrapped and made into SP2.

[jbennet]

Actually i wass wrong. Windows Neptune was meant to be a home version of 2k (like xp is) but was scrapped and they made ME instead (that explains why ME sucked)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Windows_Neptune

[pygmalion]

for anyone who hasn't seen it, watch this. Bill Gates presenting the (then) new Windows 98 OS Live on CNN:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RgriTO8UHvs

[Sturm]

You know the Unix Haters Handbook is a much of crap! That c stuff is obviously false, and later that the creators of unix made it as a joke! (if this is actually true I am very sorry ;-)

[WolfPack]

Some of us here have no sense of humour at all.

[WaltP]

The new M$ OS

[jbennet]

http://www.mslinux.org/

[WaltP]

http://www.mslinux.org/

Great one JB! I especially liked this quote from the 'support' page:

Windows 95/NT - 32 bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16 bit patch to an 8 bit operating system originally coded for a 4 bit microprocessor, written by a 2 bit company that can't stand 1 bit of competition.

[Squires]

"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning."

"UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity."

Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers

[jamello]

I had that at one time...

Here's something I found back in the 80's:
========================================
Creators Admit Unix, C Hoax

In an announcement that has stunned the computer industry, Ken Thompson, Dennis Ritchie and Brian Kernighan admitted that the Unix operating system and C programming language created by them is an elaborate April Fools prank kept alive for over 20 years.

Speaking at the recent UnixWorld Software Development Forum, Thompson revealed the following: "In 1969, AT&T had just terminated their work with the GE/Honeywell/AT&T Multics project. Brian and I had just started working with an early release of Pascal from Professor Nicklaus Wirth's ETH labs in Switzerland and we were impressed with its elegant simplicity and power. Dennis had just finished reading 'Bored of the Rings', a hilarious National Lampoon parody of the great Tolkien 'Lord of the Rings' trilogy. As a lark, we decided to do parodies of the Multics environment and Pascal. Dennis and I were responsible for the operating environment. We looked at Multics and designed the new system to be as complex and cryptic as possible to maximize casual users' frustration levels, calling it Unix as a parody of Multics, as well as other more risque allusions.

Then Dennis and Brian worked on a truly warped version of Pascal, called 'A'. When we found others were actually trying to create real programs with A, we quickly added additional cryptic features and evolved into B, BCPL and finally C.

We stopped when we got a clean compile on the following syntax:

for(;P("\n"),R=;P("|"))for(e=C;e=;P("_"+(*u++/8)%2))P("| "+(*u/4)%2);

To think that modern programmers would try to use a language that allowed such a statement was beyond our comprehension!

We actually thought of selling this to the Soviets to set their computer science progress back 20 or more years. Imagine our surprise when AT&T and other US corporations actually began trying to use Unix and C!

It has taken them 20 years to develop enough expertise to generate even marginally useful applications using this 1960's technological parody, but we are impressed with the tenacity (if not common sense) of the general Unix and C programmer.

In any event, Brian, Dennis and I have been working exclusively in Pascal on the Apple Macintosh for the past few years and feel really guilty about the chaos, confusion and truly bad programming that has resulted from our silly prank so long ago.

Major Unix and C vendors and customers, including AT&T, Microsoft, Hewlett-Packard, GTE, NCR, and DEC have refused comment at this time.

Borland International, a leading vendor of Pascal and C tools, including the popular Turbo Pascal, Turbo C and Turbo C++, stated they had suspected this for a number of years and would continue to enhance their Pascal products and halt further efforts to develop C.

An IBM spokesman broke into uncontrolled laughter and had to postpone a hastely convened news conference concerning the fate of the RS-6000, merely stating 'VM will be available Real Soon Now'.

In a cryptic statement, Professor Wirth of the ETH institute and father of the Pascal, Modula 2 and Oberon structured languages, merely stated that P. T. Barnum was correct.

In a related late-breaking story, usually reliable sources are stating that a similar confession may be forthcoming from William Gates concerning the MS-DOS and Windows operating environments. And IBM spokesmen have begun denying that the Virtual Machine (VM) product is an internal prank gone awry.

Please, is this a joke or what. I don't/can't believe it:$

[jbennet]

its a joke LOL

[jamello]

its a joke LOL

Thank goodness!:sweat:

[jamello]

"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning."

"UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity."

Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers

>Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers

That's funny! Actually they are not programmers they are procGrabbers (process grabbers!);)

[herrywatson]

Ouch... I think I need to talk to my wife!

Is your wife have a collection of quotes?

[CityThrille]

"The only problem with troubleshooting is that sometimes trouble shoots back." :twisted:

[DJSAN10]

Unix Error message :

% man: why did you get a divorce?
man:: Too many arguments.

[stultuske]

computers don't make mistakes!
it's all on purpose.

[vegaseat]

Computers make mistakes!
It's not on purpose.