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We need to laugh...
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History of Medicine
I have an earache.
2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root.
1000 A.D. - That root is heathen, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.
2003 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.
I have an earache.
2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root.
1000 A.D. - That root is heathen, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.
2003 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.
Who wants to be a GOD ??
" Two Americans sitting in bar first man said to other " I have lot of family problems.
Second man said : " Now tell me your problem " ......heheehe.....
Second man said : "
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I will tel you mine .i married a widow with a daughter.My father married that daughter.
So my father become my son in law , my daughter become my mother, my wife become my grandma.
More problems occurred when i had a son .My son is my mother's brother and my uncle.When my father had a son he is my brother that is my brother is my grandson becoz my father married my daughter ! . Ultimately i have become my own grandfather and grandson !! .....
Who wants to be a GOD ??
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,553
Reputation: 
Solved Threads: 22
Things You Don't Want To Hear From Technical Support:
*"Do you have a sledgehammer handy?"
* "That's right, not even McGyver could fix it."
* "So, what are you wearing?"
* "Duuuuuude! Bummer!"
* "Looks like you're gonna need some new dilithium crystals, Cap'n."
* "Press 1 for Support. Press 2 if you're with 60 Minutes. Press 3 if you're with the FTC."
* "We can fix this, but you're gonna need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape, and a car battery."
* "In layman's terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect."
* "Hold on a second... Mom! Timmy's hitting me!"
* "Okay, turn to page 523 in your copy of Dianetics."
* "Please hold for Mr. Gates' attorney."
*"Do you have a sledgehammer handy?"
* "That's right, not even McGyver could fix it."
* "So, what are you wearing?"
* "Duuuuuude! Bummer!"
* "Looks like you're gonna need some new dilithium crystals, Cap'n."
* "Press 1 for Support. Press 2 if you're with 60 Minutes. Press 3 if you're with the FTC."
* "We can fix this, but you're gonna need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape, and a car battery."
* "In layman's terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect."
* "Hold on a second... Mom! Timmy's hitting me!"
* "Okay, turn to page 523 in your copy of Dianetics."
* "Please hold for Mr. Gates' attorney."
I upped my sanitary measures, up yours!
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 4,142
Reputation:
Solved Threads: 948
3
#394 Oct 9th, 2009
In the spring of 2002, at New York's Kennedy airport, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney General John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious "Al-Gebra" movement. He has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
At a morning press conference, Attorney General John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious "Al-Gebra" movement. He has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
May 'the Google' be with you!
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 4,142
Reputation:
Solved Threads: 948
0
#395 Oct 9th, 2009
The Honor System Virus:
Comes up with this message ...
"Please delete all the files on your hard drive and manually forward
this virus to everyone on your mailing list."
Comes up with this message ...
"Please delete all the files on your hard drive and manually forward
this virus to everyone on your mailing list."
May 'the Google' be with you!
•
•
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,396
Reputation:
Solved Threads: 170
2
#396 Oct 10th, 2009
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Originally Posted by Vineeth K 
" Two Americans sitting in bar first man said to other " I have lot of family problems.
Second man said : " I will tel you mine .i married a widow with a daughter.My father married that daughter.
So my father become my son in law , my daughter become my mother, my wife become my grandma.
More problems occurred when i had a son .My son is my mother's brother and my uncle.When my father had a son he is my brother that is my brother is my grandson becoz my father married my daughter ! . Ultimately i have become my own grandfather and grandson !! .....
"
Now tell me your problem " ......heheehe.....
Failure is not an option It's included free, you don't have to do anything to get it
If at first you dont succeed, join the club
Of course its always in the last place you look, you dont keep looking after you find it
Please mark solved problems, solved
If at first you dont succeed, join the club
Of course its always in the last place you look, you dont keep looking after you find it
Please mark solved problems, solved
0
#397 Oct 12th, 2009
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Originally Posted by vegaseat
The Honor System Virus:
Comes up with this message ...
"Please delete all the files on your hard drive and manually forward
this virus to everyone on your mailing list."
•
•
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 80
Reputation: 
Solved Threads: 0
Junior Poster in Training
0
#398 Oct 13th, 2009
What Do Fish Say When They Hit A Concrete Wall?
Dam!
Lol, dam!!
Dam!
Lol, dam!!
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•
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 4,142
Reputation:
Solved Threads: 948
2
#399 Oct 13th, 2009
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
May 'the Google' be with you!
•
•
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 257
Reputation:
Solved Threads: 20
Posting Whiz in Training
1
#400 Oct 14th, 2009
Probz already been posted but hey
Do you believe in Cod?
Christians believe if they do not sin they will have salivation.
We must try to control our animal orgies.
What means “you should never stone the first cast”?
Which religion do you use?
Our church has smaller members every week.
I Know that if I pray hard,
God will forgive me for my shins.
I think maybe our house is haunted with dead goats.
People don’t think for themselves. Most people have the same religion their parrots had.
If you don’t believe in God your spit can go to hell.
The thirty largest religious leaders met to
talk about world hunger.
Jesus lived during the Roman Catholic Empire.
I think Moses was that guy that climbed into a mountain. then he read God’s Ten Big Rules from the top.
Do you believe some part of you
still lives after you are dead?
You mean organ donation?
I don’t agree with some of the conceptions
in that church.
We believe the spit of our ancestors stays with us
and helps our food to grow.
At that time, the romanians had stronger arms so they controled the Judists.
When the bad army tried to follow them in the land of milky honey land, probably they couldn’t walk on water so they sank.
When turtles are afraid, they can stick their head into themselves and disappear.
A bottom dweller is a fish that mostly dwells on bottoms.
Do you know what “elevation” means?
Yes. It means we all came from Dinosaur eggs.
Isaac Newton was the first discoverer of gravy.
The ocean is usually located near the coast.
The unihorn is an animal that has always been extinct
The octopus uses its long, muscled
testicles to grab its food.
We sent some robots to mars but they
refused to come back
There are many arguments how was the universe made. Some astrolomers belive in the big band theory.
That night, we went skin dipping- Just the two of us!
You mean you went skinny dipping?
It is called skinny dipping? But I’m not very skinny!
Well, that’s what they call it if you go swimming nude.
What is “Nude?”
Nude means Naked. No clothes or swimsuits.
Naked? No! I would never skin dip naked! There are little slippery fish everywhere! We skinned dipped with our underwear over us.
We were lovers,
but now she is my biggest enema!
We have hated each other for so long.
I want to borrow the hatchet.
My relationship with my
ax girlfriend was so painful.
FOOD AND COOKING
Do you like this food?
I made it from scratching!
I never liked mushrooms,
but now they are starting to grow in me.
Do you like your coffee cremated?
Are you hungry? I have dirty toes.
You have what?
Dirty toes. In my back pack.
Um, can you spell that?
Maybe D-O-R-I-T-O-S. Do you
Want to try one?
No thanks. I’m not so hungry
right now.
—Put the cabbages in salt water.
Then sit in the sink until the morning.
—Add two cups of ground flowers.
—Next, chop all the vegetarians
into little pieces.
—Then add small feces of fish.
—Don’t forget to insult the soup.
—Next, add a little Buddha
and mix it all up.
—When you are finished cooking,
find a suitable bowel and eat it with chopsticks.
HEALTH
Last night, when I ate dinner I started joking.
My friend hit my back very hard
until I stopped.
I was so lucky he was there!
A cold is caused by micro-orgasms in your nose.
I had a little ass dent this morning but I’m okay now.
My leg has been breaking for three weeks.
It is dangerous to smoke while you are becoming pregnant.
I have a very kinky neck.
I probably should have gone to the doctor
one ear ago.
I want my face to have
the buttocks treatment.
The what?
The buttocks treatment. It makes your
wrinkles go away. It’s very famous
in Hollywood.
Oh. It’s pronounced “bo tox”.
That’s it. The buttocks treatment.
Maybe you need it too a little.
PARENTS
I always ate lunch at school.
But every day my mother made me suffer.
My bed has three blankets
and a large guilt my parents gave me.
My father met us at the airport
and gave me a big hog.
Then he hogged my wife.
Renting and Dorm and Apartment Living
Me and my brother share
a small womb in the basement.
We live on the sex floor.
Our apartment is small but we have a nice view.
WEDDINGS
I have something exciting to tell you.
My girlfriend and I got enraged last night!
The groom was wearing
A very nice croissant.
He lifted the veal off her face
and gave her a big kiss.
WEATHER
This morning, I was walking outside,
when suddenly a big shower fell on me!
Yesterday I had strong wind here.
Rain makes old cars lust. So be careful
about that. Once a car starts lusting,
there’s no way to stop it.
The entire country has been
devastated by a long trout.
When a volcan explodes, millions
of tons of larva can bury a city
TUTORING
I am so eager to mate you!
Should I have a coma in the middle of this sentence?
You look sad today. Do you want to expose yourself to me?
I’m sorry, but I couldn’t write my essay.
My roommate had a toothache this morning.
So you couldn’t write your essay?
Yes! She was swelling and decaying badly!
TRAVELING
Once I tripped all the way to Hawaii.
How far should I tip the driver?
I heard California is full of nude peaches.
In some countries, you should only drink the water
a tourist already drank. Maybe it will taste bad,
but it will not have poison.
You can’t sleep with me because it is
too crowded. But you can probably
sleep with my sister. That’s what most
of my friends do when they visit.
OTHER
The cheerleaders threw up high into the air!
The police were attacked by a large group
of angry mops.
The article said there are only maybe five thousand beers left in B.C. This is a very serious problem… I think maybe we should only let very small people go beer hunting every year.
Christians believe if they do not sin they will have salivation.
If you don’t believe in God your spit can go to hell.
Should keep you LOLing for hours
(Source: www.innocentenglish.com)
Do you believe in Cod?
Christians believe if they do not sin they will have salivation.
We must try to control our animal orgies.
What means “you should never stone the first cast”?
Which religion do you use?
Our church has smaller members every week.
I Know that if I pray hard,
God will forgive me for my shins.
I think maybe our house is haunted with dead goats.
People don’t think for themselves. Most people have the same religion their parrots had.
If you don’t believe in God your spit can go to hell.
The thirty largest religious leaders met to
talk about world hunger.
Jesus lived during the Roman Catholic Empire.
I think Moses was that guy that climbed into a mountain. then he read God’s Ten Big Rules from the top.
Do you believe some part of you
still lives after you are dead?
You mean organ donation?
I don’t agree with some of the conceptions
in that church.
We believe the spit of our ancestors stays with us
and helps our food to grow.
At that time, the romanians had stronger arms so they controled the Judists.
When the bad army tried to follow them in the land of milky honey land, probably they couldn’t walk on water so they sank.
When turtles are afraid, they can stick their head into themselves and disappear.
A bottom dweller is a fish that mostly dwells on bottoms.
Do you know what “elevation” means?
Yes. It means we all came from Dinosaur eggs.
Isaac Newton was the first discoverer of gravy.
The ocean is usually located near the coast.
The unihorn is an animal that has always been extinct
The octopus uses its long, muscled
testicles to grab its food.
We sent some robots to mars but they
refused to come back
There are many arguments how was the universe made. Some astrolomers belive in the big band theory.
That night, we went skin dipping- Just the two of us!
You mean you went skinny dipping?
It is called skinny dipping? But I’m not very skinny!
Well, that’s what they call it if you go swimming nude.
What is “Nude?”
Nude means Naked. No clothes or swimsuits.
Naked? No! I would never skin dip naked! There are little slippery fish everywhere! We skinned dipped with our underwear over us.
We were lovers,
but now she is my biggest enema!
We have hated each other for so long.
I want to borrow the hatchet.
My relationship with my
ax girlfriend was so painful.
FOOD AND COOKING
Do you like this food?
I made it from scratching!
I never liked mushrooms,
but now they are starting to grow in me.
Do you like your coffee cremated?
Are you hungry? I have dirty toes.
You have what?
Dirty toes. In my back pack.
Um, can you spell that?
Maybe D-O-R-I-T-O-S. Do you
Want to try one?
No thanks. I’m not so hungry
right now.
—Put the cabbages in salt water.
Then sit in the sink until the morning.
—Add two cups of ground flowers.
—Next, chop all the vegetarians
into little pieces.
—Then add small feces of fish.
—Don’t forget to insult the soup.
—Next, add a little Buddha
and mix it all up.
—When you are finished cooking,
find a suitable bowel and eat it with chopsticks.
HEALTH
Last night, when I ate dinner I started joking.
My friend hit my back very hard
until I stopped.
I was so lucky he was there!
A cold is caused by micro-orgasms in your nose.
I had a little ass dent this morning but I’m okay now.
My leg has been breaking for three weeks.
It is dangerous to smoke while you are becoming pregnant.
I have a very kinky neck.
I probably should have gone to the doctor
one ear ago.
I want my face to have
the buttocks treatment.
The what?
The buttocks treatment. It makes your
wrinkles go away. It’s very famous
in Hollywood.
Oh. It’s pronounced “bo tox”.
That’s it. The buttocks treatment.
Maybe you need it too a little.
PARENTS
I always ate lunch at school.
But every day my mother made me suffer.
My bed has three blankets
and a large guilt my parents gave me.
My father met us at the airport
and gave me a big hog.
Then he hogged my wife.
Renting and Dorm and Apartment Living
Me and my brother share
a small womb in the basement.
We live on the sex floor.
Our apartment is small but we have a nice view.
WEDDINGS
I have something exciting to tell you.
My girlfriend and I got enraged last night!
The groom was wearing
A very nice croissant.
He lifted the veal off her face
and gave her a big kiss.
WEATHER
This morning, I was walking outside,
when suddenly a big shower fell on me!
Yesterday I had strong wind here.
Rain makes old cars lust. So be careful
about that. Once a car starts lusting,
there’s no way to stop it.
The entire country has been
devastated by a long trout.
When a volcan explodes, millions
of tons of larva can bury a city
TUTORING
I am so eager to mate you!
Should I have a coma in the middle of this sentence?
You look sad today. Do you want to expose yourself to me?
I’m sorry, but I couldn’t write my essay.
My roommate had a toothache this morning.
So you couldn’t write your essay?
Yes! She was swelling and decaying badly!
TRAVELING
Once I tripped all the way to Hawaii.
How far should I tip the driver?
I heard California is full of nude peaches.
In some countries, you should only drink the water
a tourist already drank. Maybe it will taste bad,
but it will not have poison.
You can’t sleep with me because it is
too crowded. But you can probably
sleep with my sister. That’s what most
of my friends do when they visit.
OTHER
The cheerleaders threw up high into the air!
The police were attacked by a large group
of angry mops.
The article said there are only maybe five thousand beers left in B.C. This is a very serious problem… I think maybe we should only let very small people go beer hunting every year.
Christians believe if they do not sin they will have salivation.
If you don’t believe in God your spit can go to hell.
Should keep you LOLing for hours
(Source: www.innocentenglish.com)
My Blog, Life and everything that matters to me - SamRudge.co.uk
2x Macbook Pro's, 1x Mac Pro, 1x iMac, 2x Macbook's running Fedora linux - In conclusion, I hate windows =)
2x Macbook Pro's, 1x Mac Pro, 1x iMac, 2x Macbook's running Fedora linux - In conclusion, I hate windows =)
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