You misunderstood that. The data adapter sees the rows that have been changed (it actually iterates through each table and checks the row state) and depending on whether the row state is one of added, modified or deleted it calls the appropriate command to do the work.
If you take a step back to think about it... it is impossible for the command to know which value you want to go where. It knows nothing about your database (it only knows to pass some string to the database - the command does not execute it nor check it - you could have set the string as "send me ten million us dollars and a pizza" and it would only fail when you tried to execute it (the database would fail not the command)). So you have to tell it. Trust me, i have been doing this for a long time and spend a lot of time writing each of the stored procs for SQL (well i dont - i have written a generator, but the generator spends a lot of time writing them and i spend a lot of time telling the adapter each one).

You have to write it. Humor me and try it.