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Lawyer Joke of the Day
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Join Date: Oct 2006
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Originally Posted by MidiMagic 
California has 2/3 of the lawyers in the US because New Jersey got to choose first. They chose toxic waste instead.
No one died when Clinton lied.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
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Q: What can a goose do, that a duck can't do, and a lawyer should do?
A: Stick his bill up his ass.
A: Stick his bill up his ass.
No one died when Clinton lied.
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Join Date: Apr 2004
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http://socialistsquirrel.com/archives/322
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You might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman’s credibility.••••Q: ‘Officer — did you see my client fleeing the scene?’
A: ‘No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.’
Q: ‘Officer — who provided this description?’
A: ‘The officer who responded to the scene.’
Q: ‘A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?’
A: ‘Yes, sir. With my life.’
Q: ‘With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?’
A: ‘Yes sir, we do!’
Q: ‘And do you have a locker in the room?’
A: ‘Yes sir, I do.’
Q: ‘And do you have a lock on your locker?’
A: ‘Yes sir.’
Q: ‘Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?’
A: ‘You see, sir — we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.’
The courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called.
"One of the methods used by statists to destroy capitalism consists in establishing controls that tie a given industry hand and foot, making it unable to solve its problems, then declaring that freedom has failed and stronger controls are necessary." --Ayn Rand
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Join Date: Jan 2007
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Where there's a will, there's a lawyer's bill.
Daylight-saving time uses more gasoline
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Join Date: Jan 2008
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Practically a Master Poster
When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law before the
criminal gets arrested, we call him an accomplice. When a person
assists a criminal in breaking the law after the criminal gets
arrested, we call him a defense lawyer.
criminal gets arrested, we call him an accomplice. When a person
assists a criminal in breaking the law after the criminal gets
arrested, we call him a defense lawyer.
Never argue with idiots, they'll just bring you down to their level and beat you with their experience.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
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A local lawyer defending a drunk driver couldn't show up in court because he had been arrested for drunk driving.
No one died when Clinton lied.
"Did you hear? Old man Smith's found a way to insure the lawyer's don't get any more of his money than his kids do."
"How'd he do it?"
"He left half his estate to one of the best lawyers around, provided the other half gets to his heirs intact."
"How'd he do it?"
"He left half his estate to one of the best lawyers around, provided the other half gets to his heirs intact."
"No trees were harmed in the production of this post. However, several electrons were severely inconvenienced."
Kumquat.
Kumquat.
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Join Date: Mar 2007
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I had a mock trial competition yesterday and at the end the judge said that one of our witnesses that played an officer did a good job because it's usually hard because officers come off as cold or unlikeable to juries in a courtroom. The funny thing is that witness' dad was a real cop and he was there in the courtroom when they said that, in uniform. Then the judge realized what she just said and got all embarressed. (By the way, we won and get to move on to regional competition. I played the part of defense lawyer so I felt pretty good. If we win this we go to the state competition and then on to the national competition.)
Disclaimer: Nothing I say can be considered credible information (I wonder what that means about this disclaimer then).
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Join Date: Aug 2007
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99% of lawyers make the the other 1% look bad.
Everyone's gotta believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink.
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Looking for an exciting graduate degree? Robotics and Intelligent Autonomous Systems (RIAS) at SDSM&T See the program brochure here.
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Looking for an exciting graduate degree? Robotics and Intelligent Autonomous Systems (RIAS) at SDSM&T See the program brochure here.
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Join Date: Mar 2007
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Originally Posted by vmanes
99% of lawyers make the the other 1% look bad.
I upped my sanitary measures, up yours!
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