I've heard that one but differently. The kid is pissed and he kicks a pig so he doesn't get bacon for a week. He then kicks a chicken so he doesn't get eggs for a week. His father comes downstairs and kicks the cat, and that's when he asks his mom "Will you tell him or should I?"

Not much different, but its ok. Still funny.

Yeah in case anyone didn't get the punchline with the cat it's meant to be pussy

Three baseball fans are walking home from a game at friendly Fenway Park.
One is wearing a Red Sox cap, the second one is wearing an Indians cap, and the third one is wearing a Yankees cap.
As they are walking down Commonwealth Avenue, they see a pair of legs sticking out from under a bush. Upon further inspection, they find that it is a totally naked dead woman.
A crowd starts to gather before the police arrive, so they decide to give the woman some vestige of dignity. The first one places his Red Sox cap over her left breast. The second one places his Indians cap over her right breast. The third one places his Yankees cap over her crotch.
The police arrive to investigate. The detective picks up the Red Sox cap for a moment, takes a quick look, writes a few things in his notepad, then puts the cap back on her breast. He picks up the Indians cap, takes a quick look, writes a few things in his notepad, then puts the cap back on her other breast. He picks up the Yankees cap, takes a quick look, starts to write in his notepad, but stops and scratches his head for a moment, with a puzzled look on his face. Then he kneels down real close, sticks his fingers in the womans crotch, spreading it open and staring.
Now one of the baseball fans yells at him: “Hey, what are you some kind of pervert?”
To this the officer replies: “Oh, no, of course not. I just need to double check because every other Yankees cap I’ve ever seen had an @SSHOLE under it!”
Q: What is the difference between a New York Yankees fan and a New York Rangers fan?
A: The type of stick he has up his @ss!

Q: Why should you never run over a Yankee fan on a bicycle?
A: Chances are it your bike!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Q: What did the Yankees fan use for birth control?
A: His personality!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Q: How do you make a Yankee fan laugh on Monday?
A: Tell him a joke on Friday!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Albert Einstein is at a party and asks one of the guests, “What is your IQ”
“165”
“Great, we can talk about nuclear physics and cosmology”
After a few minutes of lively discourse, another party guest tries to get in on the conversation.
Einstein asks him, “What is your IQ”
“64”
To which Einstein replies: “GO YANKEES!”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A teacher asks her students if they are Yankees fans.
One of them says, “No, my Dad is a Red Sox fan, my Mom is a Red Sox fan, so I’m a Red Sox fan.”
So the teacher says, “Well, that’s not very good; if your mother and father were both morons, would that make you a moron too?”
“No, that would make me a New York Yankees fan.”

The manager of a large law office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. "What is your name?" was the first thing the manager asked the new guy.

"John," the new guy replied.

The manager scowled, "Look, I don’t know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don’t call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that’s all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"

The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling."

Tom retired in his early 50’s and started a second career. However, even though he loved his new job, he just couldn’t seem to get to work on time. Every day, he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late.

But he was a good worker and really sharp, so his boss was in a quandary about how to deal with it. Finally, one day, his boss called him into the office for a talk.

“Tom, I must tell you, I truly like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job, but being late for work nearly every day is quite annoying to me as well as your fellow workers.”

Tom replied, “Yes, sir, I know. I’m sorry, but I am working on It.”

“That’s what I like to hear,” his boss said. “However, the fact that you consistently come to work late does puzzle me, because I understand that you retired from the United States Air Force, and they have some pretty rigid rules about tardiness. Isn’t that correct?”

“Yes. I did retire from the Air Force, and I’m mighty proud of it!” said Tom.

“Well, what did they say when you came in late?” asked his boss.

“They said, ‘Good morning, General’.”

A couple were going out for the evening. They were ready, even had the dog put outside. The taxi arrives, and as the couple start out, the dog shoots back in the house. They don’t want the dog shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes into the house again to fetch the dog.

The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver: "My husband is just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab somewhat out of breath.

"Sorry I took so long" he says. "Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed, and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching and biting me, as I hauled her ass downstairs and tossed her in the back yard! She better not shidd in the vegetable garden either!"

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down.

little johny was playing in his billy cart on a hill near his house he flew down the hill yelling out and laughing the hole way down when he got to the bottom he turned around and started to push his billy cart back up yelling out Fck this fckn that he finally got to the top and did the same thing again down the hill.
as he turned around to push it back up the hill he started to swear again and the local preist who overheard johnny cursing said,
johnny you shouldnt swear jesus can hear you he is everywere
johnny thaught about this for a minute and then says to the preist ok then is jesus in that house over there ?
the preist says yes johnny he is .
johnny says ok then is he in that tree over there ?
the preist said yes johnny he is every were.
johnny says ok then last one is jesus in my billy cart?
and the preist said yes he is everywere.
so johhny said well tell the ******* to get out and help fkn push

little johnny is sitting on the corner playing with some sulphuric acid

he was pooring it on some ant watching the burn and sizzle having a fat old time when the preist walks by and says johnny dont play with that its dangerous play with this

this is holy water yesterday i poured this on a womens stommach and she passed a baby...

johnny said ha thats fkn nothing yesterday i pourd this on a cats ass and it passed a fkn motorbike


ps sorry if all the cursing offends