Sorry about the flowers and shrubs, honey. GPS is accurate to only 6 feet.

It was not written hundreds of years after it happened. The Bible is a collection of records and letters written by many people over many hundreds of years. Most of these events were written down as...

1. Sign: DEMOC RAT EXTERMINATORS

2. Why is it that Democrats throw most of the stuff found along the road out of car windows?

3. A man is drowning 50 feet from shore. A Republican throws a 40...

A man was given special dispensation to take a bar of gold with him into heaven.

When he got to the gate, Saint Peter saw the gold, and said, "Ah! There's the pavement I ordered. We have a pothole...

The problem is that I really don't like any of them.

But the ones I really don't want are the ones who would have government take over health care. They would likely remove the alternative...

By demanding freedom from religion.

No, I have been forced to use Windows, because the Internet is no longer compatible with DOS computers.

But I have multiple computers. I do my research on the DOS computer, because the timesharing...

They get it upside down because usually you have the word "up" on the box with an arrow pointing up. But when you turn the box upside down, it now has the abbreviated word "dn" on it with an arrow...

Murphy's original laws:
1. It's never as easy as it looks.
2. Everything will take longer than you think it will.
3. If anything can go wrong, it will.
4. When left to themselves, things go from...

Capitalism is based on the false assumption you can win (but government prevents that)

Socialism is based on the false assumption that you can break even.

Mysticism and Transcendental...

I have several repeating dreams:

- I am building huge databases about really stupid stuff (e.g. the number of tacos eaten daily in each state) in Access.

- This cute girl is after me to the...

NaBr

Democrats controlling the economy.

Supercar (same company, but before Fireball XL5)

See my avatar for a pic.

A close second was Space Angel.

Others:

Colonel Bleep
The Jetsons

The thing I always hear is that Christmas marketing starts "too early." But look at everything they sell in stores nowdays. If you don't buy seasonal items 3 months before the season starts, you...

I found a dilemma that disproves life happening by chance:

In order for a cell to reproduce, a cell needs the blueprints (DNA) for building another cell, and it needs the device to read the...

That is true. But because the ice is FLOATING on water, the extra volume is the part sticking up into the AIR. 90 percent of a floating piece of ice is below the water level, but the other 10 percent...

Argument: "Global warming is occurring, because the glaciers are melting."

Truth: Statement is affirming the consequent.

Argument: "The amount of CO2 in air trapped in polar ice is a lot lower...

No, it's from reading both sides of the issue, not just the liberal spiel that says there is nothing wrong with pot.[/quote]

The original event of making pot illegal WAS in that Wiki site, but...

The problem is that our long-term permanent memories are serial, like recording tape. The problem isn't that you can't remember something, but the rewindatory gap. That's the time it tales to find...

I would put used car salesmen ahead of corporate leaders, and lawyers ahead of both.

Most corporate leaders are honest. The news media always focus on the few that aren't.

But politicians top...

Mumbo in front of jumbo?

Isn't that a description of declaring variables?

The last thing I want in a government is efficiency.

What we need are limitations on what government is allowed to do:

Government must be absolutely be prohibited from doing any of the...

They gave BUSINESS its wish, at the expense of other users.

But we can't run the special scientific applications we need on Windows So we have to use DOS.

Except that we can't find new...

Put Al Gore in an assylum where he belongs.

Actions speak louder than words, but politicians won't shut up.

That's a bad case of the squeebies.

Actually, I haven't. My arguments are that their arguments are not valid. We may be having global warming. But the arguments proffered by Al Gore and his henchmen are not valid.

One interesting...

Funny headlines and newspaper misprints I collected:

Woman collides with police car.
Goliath falls in Cup.
Vaccinations available for whopping couch.
17 remain dead in morgue shooting spree....

The 20 things I dislike most:


Promotion of sinful activity by government and by Hollywodd
Daylight Saving Time (The time change twice a year)
The State favoring the religions of Atheism,...

If the chimps want special rights, let them compose and submit their own writs to the judges.