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Lawyer Joke of the Day
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 2,275
Reputation: 
Solved Threads: 175
A mother and son were walking through a cemetery, and passed by a
headstone inscribed "Here lies a good lawyer and an honest man."
The little boy read the headstone, looked up at his mother, and
asked "Mommy, why did they bury two men there?"
headstone inscribed "Here lies a good lawyer and an honest man."
The little boy read the headstone, looked up at his mother, and
asked "Mommy, why did they bury two men there?"
No one died when Clinton lied.
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 3,947
Reputation:
Solved Threads: 914
Why don't snakes bite attorneys?
Professional courtesy.
Professional courtesy.
May 'the Google' be with you!
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 2,275
Reputation:
Solved Threads: 175
Good News:
A busload of lawyers ran off a cliff. The bus was destroyed and there were no survivors.
Bad News:
There were three empty seats.
A busload of lawyers ran off a cliff. The bus was destroyed and there were no survivors.
Bad News:
There were three empty seats.
No one died when Clinton lied.
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,849
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Solved Threads: 1
Hope this doesn't offend anyone. I heard from a guy I met at an airport, of all places.
Q: You're in a room with a lawyer, Osama Bin Laden, and Saddam Hussein and you have a gun with two bullets. What do you do?
A: Shoot the lawyer twice.
Q: You're in a room with a lawyer, Osama Bin Laden, and Saddam Hussein and you have a gun with two bullets. What do you do?
A: Shoot the lawyer twice.
Disclaimer: Nothing I say can be considered credible information (I wonder what that means about this disclaimer then).
How many Lawyer Jokes are there in the world?
Three. The rest are all true stories.
Three. The rest are all true stories.
"No trees were harmed in the production of this post. However, several electrons were severely inconvenienced."
Kumquat.
Kumquat.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 2,275
Reputation:
Solved Threads: 175
An engineer, a physicist and a lawyer were interviewed for
a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation.
The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of
questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?" The engineer
excused himself, and made a series of measurements and
calculations before returning to the board room and announcing,
"Four." The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the
same questions. Before answering the last question, he excused
himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research.
After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards
and many calculations, he also announced "Four." The lawyer was
interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. At the end
of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all
the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone
was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and asked
"How much do you want it to be?"
a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation.
The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of
questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?" The engineer
excused himself, and made a series of measurements and
calculations before returning to the board room and announcing,
"Four." The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the
same questions. Before answering the last question, he excused
himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research.
After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards
and many calculations, he also announced "Four." The lawyer was
interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. At the end
of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all
the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone
was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and asked
"How much do you want it to be?"
No one died when Clinton lied.
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 3,203
Reputation:
Solved Threads: 165
California has 2/3 of the lawyers in the US because New Jersey got to choose first. They chose toxic waste instead.
Daylight-saving time uses more gasoline
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 3,947
Reputation:
Solved Threads: 914
What's the difference between a lawyer and God?
God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
May 'the Google' be with you!
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 4,334
Reputation: 
Solved Threads: 234
Q: Before signing the death certificate had you taken the man's pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you listen for a heart beat?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So when you signed the death certificate you hadn't taken any steps to make sure the man was dead, had you?
A: Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk, but for all I know he could be out there practicing law somewhere.
-- Cross of Coroner by Defense Atty
A: No.
Q: Did you listen for a heart beat?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So when you signed the death certificate you hadn't taken any steps to make sure the man was dead, had you?
A: Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk, but for all I know he could be out there practicing law somewhere.
-- Cross of Coroner by Defense Atty
"One of the methods used by statists to destroy capitalism consists in establishing controls that tie a given industry hand and foot, making it unable to solve its problems, then declaring that freedom has failed and stronger controls are necessary." --Ayn Rand
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