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HUMOR
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Hey PPl
I started this thread for some humor...
Please post your jokes here...
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Have Fun
I started this thread for some humor...
Please post your jokes here...
() <-- --> ()
Have Fun
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 238
Reputation: 
Solved Threads: 11
Daniweb Sponsor
Tip of the Millenium: There is no point worrying about life, because no-one gets out alive.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 2,275
Reputation:
Solved Threads: 175
Child: "Mom, why do you have strands of grey hair mixed in with your dark hair?"
Mother: "Every time you disobey, I get one strand of grey hair. If you want me to stay pretty, you better obey."
Child after some thinking: "Mom, why is Grandma's hair all grey?"
Mother: "Every time you disobey, I get one strand of grey hair. If you want me to stay pretty, you better obey."
Child after some thinking: "Mom, why is Grandma's hair all grey?"
No one died when Clinton lied.
<<long story detailing all the petty grievances of the day leading to - >> I finally got the cash register to open and drawer shot out spilling change all over the floor. I was on my hands and knees picking up change when the phone rang, I stood up to answer it and smacked my head on the still-open register drawer. When I got to the phone it was your mom asking me how to use an anal suppository - so I told her.
Imagine a world without hypotheticals....
The problem with your gene pool is that there’s no lifeguard.
The problem with your gene pool is that there’s no lifeguard.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 2,275
Reputation:
Solved Threads: 175
A couple, desperate to conceive a child, went to their priest and asked him to pray for them.
"I'm going on a sabbatical to Rome," he replied, "and while I'm there, I'll light a candle for you."
When the priest returned three years later, he went to the couple's house and found the wife pregnant, busily attending to two sets of twins. Elated, the priest asked her where her husband was so that he could congratulate him.
"He's gone to Rome, to blow that candle out" came the wife's reply.
"I'm going on a sabbatical to Rome," he replied, "and while I'm there, I'll light a candle for you."
When the priest returned three years later, he went to the couple's house and found the wife pregnant, busily attending to two sets of twins. Elated, the priest asked her where her husband was so that he could congratulate him.
"He's gone to Rome, to blow that candle out" came the wife's reply.
No one died when Clinton lied.
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,222
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Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can`t think of anything I need. $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on
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Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad
Should you find Irony, you can keep her!
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,522
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An elderly man had serious hearing problems for many years. He went to hearing specialist who was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that gave him perfect hearing again.
The elderly man went back after a month to see the specialist who asked him, "Is your family pleased with your perfect hearing?"
The elderly man said, "Oh, I haven't told them yet. I just sit and listen to their conversations. I've already changed my will three times!"
The elderly man went back after a month to see the specialist who asked him, "Is your family pleased with your perfect hearing?"
The elderly man said, "Oh, I haven't told them yet. I just sit and listen to their conversations. I've already changed my will three times!"
I upped my sanitary measures, up yours!
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 2,275
Reputation:
Solved Threads: 175
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
No one died when Clinton lied.
I just ran across this (old) joke:
"Man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, whenever I fart it sounds like this", and demonstrates. There is a drawn out noise that sounds for all the world like "Honda!". He does it again, and again it sounds like he's calling out the name of the Japanese manufacturer. "What is wrong with me, doc?" (In all jokes, doctors are called "doc". It's required.)
The doctor hems and haws for a few minutes and consults a learned tome, and then asks, "Have you been drinking absinthe lately?" For those who don't know, that's a nasty alcoholic drink that is banned in many countries. "Well, yes, I have," replies the hapless man. "Well, that explains it!" the doctor triumphantly says. "Absinthe makes the farts go 'Honda!'" "
"Man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, whenever I fart it sounds like this", and demonstrates. There is a drawn out noise that sounds for all the world like "Honda!". He does it again, and again it sounds like he's calling out the name of the Japanese manufacturer. "What is wrong with me, doc?" (In all jokes, doctors are called "doc". It's required.)
The doctor hems and haws for a few minutes and consults a learned tome, and then asks, "Have you been drinking absinthe lately?" For those who don't know, that's a nasty alcoholic drink that is banned in many countries. "Well, yes, I have," replies the hapless man. "Well, that explains it!" the doctor triumphantly says. "Absinthe makes the farts go 'Honda!'" "
Imagine a world without hypotheticals....
The problem with your gene pool is that there’s no lifeguard.
The problem with your gene pool is that there’s no lifeguard.
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