O'k, you made me laugh right out loud.

OK from the old guy, who has been cooking for over 50 years(and only a Mac head for 12) a whole slew of my recipes are archived at the following: http://www.pepperfool.com click RECIPES then find Doug Irvine on the side panel. As long as you can take the heat, have fun in that kitchen! Cheers, dougirv

My recipes for gamerz and/or other easily distracted folks:
(We buy our rice in big bags so we generally fill a canister w/rice and put it in the freezer overnight; we wash our rice prior to cooking so we control what sorts of protein is in it <grin>. )

2 cups water per washed cup of rice
bring water to boil then add rice, let it come to a boil again.
Turn burner off and leave rice, covered, on the burner and go back to your game. Twenty minutes speeds by and your rice is done w/o having to pay too much attention. Usually I add spices to the water before I start so the rice is already flavored - usually, a curry of some sort. Once cooked, rice can be treated like cooked patatos. You can add any food you have in the fridge to the rice - fry the rice then break a couple eggs into it and stir w/onions and garlick, and so on. If you don't wash your rice use about 2 1/3 cups water per cup rice. i like this methode because the worst thing you can do is boil away the water.

Go to most any Asian grocery store and peruse the ramon isle. You can get all kinds of soup and fried noodle packages for about 50cents - not as cheap as TopRamen but better flavor. Usually you pour boiling water over the bowl with noodles cover and go back to your game. When you remember the ramen it is cooked and may even be cool enough to eat immediately.

Buy a cheap 7-bone roast, throw some carrots into a caserol-like dish along with some water and the roast, cover and put in the oven. If you start in the morning, set the oven to about 225 F. and forget about it until until about an hour or 2 before dinner. Throw some patatos in for another hour then uncover it to brown until you can't stand how good it smells and start eating. This is probably the best beef you will ever eat. I still prefer this roast with the bones in but it is getting harder and harder to find. This method works for turkey also, I called mine soft-sculpture turkey because the whole bird begins to collapse by the end of the day.

At a bbq or out camping, wrap a chicken hind quarter (leg and thigh) or breast along with a patato in 2 layers of aluminum foil (alternate closing side so juices won't leak out); throw it into the fire/bbq, come back in an hour or 2. The chicken will be really ugly and pale, you can brown it if on a piece of metal (grilling) or on a stick (roasting) when it is done.

Most of this food will survive even if you come back the next day ( the ramen will probly be disolved but...). The first time I cooked something, I was distracted while the butter was melting and I blackened all the walls in the kitchen (my parents were really pissed!). When I was a batchelor, it was the only way I could cook w/o burning the apartment down.

OK, OK, I'll donate my favorite 30 minute southern 4 course meal in one bowl.

CATFISH’S SPANISH RICE

Ingredients:
1 pound Ground Beef or Sirloin
1 Onion
2 green peppers
1 red pepper
1 can of tomato sauce
1 can of tomato paste (the little can)
1 cup rice
2 Tablespoons of brown sugar
salt/pepper/paprika/cayenne red pepper and/or crushed red pepper


Ground 1 pound ground beef in the bottom of a large skillet with chopped onion and drain fat whet finished.

Add your 12 ounce can of tomato sauce and the little can of tomato paste (6 oz., I think) on medium heat. Mix in small amounts of water until sauce is a nice thick consistency. Add some salt (teaspoon or so) and black pepper (1/2 tsp or so) and crushed red pepper or cayenne red pepper (1/2 tsp) paprika (1/2 tsp.) and Brown Sugar. Cook 5 minutes, stir and taste. If you can taste the bitterness of the tomato, add a tablespoon of sugar.

Toss in one cup of Uncle Ben’s Perverted Rice and 1 ¾ cups water. Add chopped Red and Green Peppers, Cover and cook for 20- 25 minutes stirring occasionally to keep rice from sticking to bottom. Remove from heat, uncover and let sit for 5 minutes. Eat it up. Put the rest in the fridge and eat it the next day. It’s good for 5 or so days and gets better each day.

Here's the most simplistic dish of em all -- a vege cheese sandwish

Ingredients:
Bread (white or brown)
1 tomato, sliced thinly
1 cucumber, sliced thinly diagonally
1 onion, sliced thinly
Grated cheese
Mint chutney
Butter

Procedure
01.Take 2 slices of bread and apply butter to both slices.
02.Apply moderate quantity of chutney to both slices
03.On one slice of bread, put the onion, tomato and cucumber slices
04.Sprinkle salt and pepper to taste
05.Grate generous amounts of cheese and cover up with the other slice


Enjoy.

My Easy and delicious Guacamole:

1 Ripe avacado
Lime Juice (to taste)
Salt (to taste)
Garlic (to taste)
and a touch of pepper

Mash it all together with a fork, and you've got good tasting guacamole.

I guess the recipe is a bit obscure, but the best ones always are.

Evenin' all. I'm hold up in a KCMO motel tonight, but when I get home, I'll post a rib rub and how to do baby backs that will make you cry.

Kansas City is BBQ heaven.

Baby Back Ribs, with dry rub.

OK, I found a copy of the rib rub, and I can do the rest from memory:

Cajun Rub Note: a Tone’s round spice containera holds approx ¼ C.

¼ C Celery salt
¼ C black pepper
¼ C white pepper
¼ C brown sugar

2 Tbs Garlic powder
1 Tbs cayenne
1 Tbs thyme (dried ground)
2 tsp dried sage

---How yo make heavenly ribs---

Take a slab of pork spareribs or baby back ribs.

There is a membrane on the underside if the slab. Take hold of it (a cloth or pair of rubber gloves will help) and pull the membrane off.

Rub the top and bottom of the slab with the rib rub above, and set aside.

Build a fire. I use a Weber grill. I use a "chimney" to start my charcoal. It is a cylinder about 8" in diameter and a foot tall. Fill it half full of charcoal and start the charcoal on fire. When it is well lit, pour it into the weber.

I have a 14" diameter galvanized pan, designed to feed animals. I put it in the bottom of the grill, shoved to one side, fill it with water, and put the charcoal between it and the wall of the weber.

Put 2 or 3 3"x3" chunks of wood (hickory, pecan, apple or whatever you like) on the charcoal.

Put the ribs over the water pan as far away from the fire as possible.

By closing the bottom vents on the grill and watching a thermometer stuck through the vent through one of the vent holes in the lid of the kettle, maintain the temperature between 200 and 300 degrees (250 is perfect).

Make a mixture of half apple juice and half bourbon and put in a spritzer bottle. Spritz the ribs every 15-20 minutes and every time you open the kettle.

Add a couple of chunks of wood whenever the smoke disappears and add a few charcoal chunks as the existing charcoal nears the end of its burning life. Maintain the temperature as close to 250 as possible.

Smoke the ribs for 4-5 hours.



Attached is a document (170K) with a pictorial tutorial using chicken instead of ribs.

Here's the rub for the chicken:
Willie’s Rub
¾ C paprika
¼ C black pepper
¼ C salt
¼ C sugar


2 Tbs chili powder
2 Tbs garlic powder
2 Tbs onion powder
2 tsp cayenne

Enjoy!!!

Dani,
Loco Moco College and Police Academy Style

Get one rice cooker - put rice in to first segment of finger and water to second and furn on it cooks itself for 30 min. Use short grain /calrose rice.

Get one jar of ready made gravy
Get one can of fried onions
Hamburger patty

Fry hamburger patty put on plate
heat up gravy in same pan
Fry egg over easy

When rice is done. Put hamburger on bottom with a little gravy
put a scoop of rice on that, put egg on rice, put more gravy, put onion rings on that put a little more gravy. Open beer and eat.

When I was away from home in school this was comfort food for us hawaiians.... and hungry students.. I had a mini crockpot, george foreman grill, hot plate and a small rice cooker.. we used to cook up some great meals. I used to keep my kitchen in a catalog case. I could cook for 4. When I went to the Police Academy ... I did the same thing you could smell the food trail to my room .. my roomies and I had everybody in the bdorms and barracks over for dinner at one time or another.

Cafeteria food sucks! next time ...Dorm Stye Saimin or Ramen, chili and rice and SPAM Musubi

Now dat's good eatin ... Hey you smoke in a weber bullet?

Don't forget to pull dat membrane off the ribs