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Funny headlines I collected
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 3,203
Reputation: 
Solved Threads: 165
Funny headlines and newspaper misprints I collected:
Woman collides with police car.
Goliath falls in Cup.
Vaccinations available for whopping couch.
17 remain dead in morgue shooting spree.
Experienced bricklayer and hog carrier wanted.
Specter objects to bill's provision
Shooting reported at firing range
The Plaintiff does not know the whereabouts of the defendant, Southern Pacific Bank.
Stuff happens, but it won't happen quite as often if we read what we wrote.
An unmarked detective's car was parked on the corner.
The bride arrived in a limousine wearing a minidress and a veil. (poor car)
The ship was a floating hotel, with a grand piano made of aluminum with large windows.
Purdue rains as Big Ten champions.
Meeting on open meetings is closed.
Women banging children into the world should know these things.
Blaze destroys fire station.
Space began with the "big band."
His father was driving, and his father was in the passenger seat.
The horoscopes in Thursday's paper accurately predicted the future. They were today's horoscopes by mistake.
Red tape holds up new bridge
The barge spilled hundreds of thousands of asphalt.
All of the sexual harassment papers were provided by city hall. boop.
The Emergency Planning Committee is open during norman business hours.
Weight watchers should use the wide doors at the side entrance.
Identity theft - work at home - set your own hours.
No rain in Spain leads mainly to complaints.
Sabres decline to retain rights to Satan.
He scooped up many pounds of deer manure from his yard with his wife.
Handmad wooden cross for sale
For sale: 1995 Saab GOOSE
For sale: Matching set of concrete raccoon planters
Cash residence for sale
Farmer dies when soybeans spill
Unemployment workers to be laid off.
Khodorovsky sentenced to lifetime reading of 10000 page verdict.
US House makes indecency proposal to broadcasters.
Lineman charged with battery
US hopes for Iraqi coo.
Wanted: Man to handle dynamite. Must be able to travel unexpectedly.
Order causes chaos
Peace inspires bird droppings
MIT may harm nerve cells
Barber has 30 years of cutting hair under his belt.
Wanted: Bids on one (or fewer) 66 passenger school buses
For sale: Farm equipment: 66 passenger school bus.
Elmer's Glug-All
For sale: 50000 BTU kerosene, with thermostat
Driver crashes into police headquarters
Priest in fatal crash improves
Waste board trying to figure 2005 budget.
Trio arrested for breaking in and performing dental work.
Wanted: Community prevention expert.
Wanted: Two part-time perishable clerks
Pedestrian crossing bypass strikes truck.
Lost: Orange jacket, lavender shoes, gray briefcase. Please don't ask.
Snuggle Bunnies Day Care investigated for abuse.
Lost cat: Cat is dead and moves slowly
Wath for booby traps in mortgages
Wanted: New and used sales people
This is a black and white photo, which was colored by an artist, but is printed in black and white.
Dry ice purchased for incest control.
Eye drops off shelves
Milk drinkers turn to powder
Drunk gets 9 years in violin case
Policeman suspended in wardrobe case
Ancient geeks invented catapults
Bill banning open containers in cars speeding to the governor's desk
Wife carrying contest || Husband charged in wife's death
Most Iowa towns are so small that no part is less than 2000 feet from a school.
Gustafson shakes off ruling to win world.
Intelligence seen as key to stability.
California cheesier than Wisconsin
Lilly gives $39 million to plug brain drain || 39 refrigerators stolen from plant.
House sends tax bill to governor || Clown to perform
Don't let long lines waist your time
Jury sword in at trial
Something went wrong in jet crash
Studying brian surgery
Shaq attacks literacy
Racism topic of monthl orkshop
The whole boyd of real estate in the county
Tax bull sent to President.
Who will help hurt wild animals?
A copy with a shotgun charged up the mountain.
Five bodies were abducted, killed by mob.
For sale: Power lawn mover
Tincher assigned to chair tax policy committee
Baseball talks in ninth inning
Mobile mansion has a haunted side
Nuts add texture to fish dishes
Mother Teresa to be bea%if*ed.
IU answers Knight suit
Indiana has .08% blood alcohol content.
Gas Giant takes over TV station (Jupiter?)
Poor visibility and tidal currents have moved sunken vehicles.
Heavy duty trailer with 12-ton wench.
Man kills self in house fire before going to jail.
Two cars collide, one sent to hospital
Teriyaki songs all night
Rock bands return to Mars
Solar system to be back in operation Tuesday
National mall installs solar system
Police search for missing Saturn money
More than half the deaths had been previously reported to child protective services.
Pet owners: Keep them clean, quiet, controlled.
Stop light pollution.
Huggy Wuggy Day Care proprietor charged with molesting.
Jolted lover kills 10
Foster sentenced to 18 years in battery
Car sought in shooting death, fire found at lake
A car was seen throwing eggs at houses
Panty liners - with built-in flash
Golden ripe boneless bananas
Family charcoal lighter cereal
2 liters: 50 % more than 1 liter.
Boneless beef roll mops
Meatload sandwich
Free Datsun puppies
Kitchen table for sale: Sleeps 8
Jumbo antaloupe
I-64 closed over spilled coffee
Catholic churches will not bury people who commit suicide in their cemeteries
Police tell man to come out through bullhorn
Getting rid of zucchini
Ginger squash cakes
Robbery ends in suicide, arrest.
Road to park, school falls apart
Man gets 28 year sentence after death
Mental health group to sell fruitcakes
Woman collides with police car.
Goliath falls in Cup.
Vaccinations available for whopping couch.
17 remain dead in morgue shooting spree.
Experienced bricklayer and hog carrier wanted.
Specter objects to bill's provision
Shooting reported at firing range
The Plaintiff does not know the whereabouts of the defendant, Southern Pacific Bank.
Stuff happens, but it won't happen quite as often if we read what we wrote.
An unmarked detective's car was parked on the corner.
The bride arrived in a limousine wearing a minidress and a veil. (poor car)
The ship was a floating hotel, with a grand piano made of aluminum with large windows.
Purdue rains as Big Ten champions.
Meeting on open meetings is closed.
Women banging children into the world should know these things.
Blaze destroys fire station.
Space began with the "big band."
His father was driving, and his father was in the passenger seat.
The horoscopes in Thursday's paper accurately predicted the future. They were today's horoscopes by mistake.
Red tape holds up new bridge
The barge spilled hundreds of thousands of asphalt.
All of the sexual harassment papers were provided by city hall. boop.
The Emergency Planning Committee is open during norman business hours.
Weight watchers should use the wide doors at the side entrance.
Identity theft - work at home - set your own hours.
No rain in Spain leads mainly to complaints.
Sabres decline to retain rights to Satan.
He scooped up many pounds of deer manure from his yard with his wife.
Handmad wooden cross for sale
For sale: 1995 Saab GOOSE
For sale: Matching set of concrete raccoon planters
Cash residence for sale
Farmer dies when soybeans spill
Unemployment workers to be laid off.
Khodorovsky sentenced to lifetime reading of 10000 page verdict.
US House makes indecency proposal to broadcasters.
Lineman charged with battery
US hopes for Iraqi coo.
Wanted: Man to handle dynamite. Must be able to travel unexpectedly.
Order causes chaos
Peace inspires bird droppings
MIT may harm nerve cells
Barber has 30 years of cutting hair under his belt.
Wanted: Bids on one (or fewer) 66 passenger school buses
For sale: Farm equipment: 66 passenger school bus.
Elmer's Glug-All
For sale: 50000 BTU kerosene, with thermostat
Driver crashes into police headquarters
Priest in fatal crash improves
Waste board trying to figure 2005 budget.
Trio arrested for breaking in and performing dental work.
Wanted: Community prevention expert.
Wanted: Two part-time perishable clerks
Pedestrian crossing bypass strikes truck.
Lost: Orange jacket, lavender shoes, gray briefcase. Please don't ask.
Snuggle Bunnies Day Care investigated for abuse.
Lost cat: Cat is dead and moves slowly
Wath for booby traps in mortgages
Wanted: New and used sales people
This is a black and white photo, which was colored by an artist, but is printed in black and white.
Dry ice purchased for incest control.
Eye drops off shelves
Milk drinkers turn to powder
Drunk gets 9 years in violin case
Policeman suspended in wardrobe case
Ancient geeks invented catapults
Bill banning open containers in cars speeding to the governor's desk
Wife carrying contest || Husband charged in wife's death
Most Iowa towns are so small that no part is less than 2000 feet from a school.
Gustafson shakes off ruling to win world.
Intelligence seen as key to stability.
California cheesier than Wisconsin
Lilly gives $39 million to plug brain drain || 39 refrigerators stolen from plant.
House sends tax bill to governor || Clown to perform
Don't let long lines waist your time
Jury sword in at trial
Something went wrong in jet crash
Studying brian surgery
Shaq attacks literacy
Racism topic of monthl orkshop
The whole boyd of real estate in the county
Tax bull sent to President.
Who will help hurt wild animals?
A copy with a shotgun charged up the mountain.
Five bodies were abducted, killed by mob.
For sale: Power lawn mover
Tincher assigned to chair tax policy committee
Baseball talks in ninth inning
Mobile mansion has a haunted side
Nuts add texture to fish dishes
Mother Teresa to be bea%if*ed.
IU answers Knight suit
Indiana has .08% blood alcohol content.
Gas Giant takes over TV station (Jupiter?)
Poor visibility and tidal currents have moved sunken vehicles.
Heavy duty trailer with 12-ton wench.
Man kills self in house fire before going to jail.
Two cars collide, one sent to hospital
Teriyaki songs all night
Rock bands return to Mars
Solar system to be back in operation Tuesday
National mall installs solar system
Police search for missing Saturn money
More than half the deaths had been previously reported to child protective services.
Pet owners: Keep them clean, quiet, controlled.
Stop light pollution.
Huggy Wuggy Day Care proprietor charged with molesting.
Jolted lover kills 10
Foster sentenced to 18 years in battery
Car sought in shooting death, fire found at lake
A car was seen throwing eggs at houses
Panty liners - with built-in flash
Golden ripe boneless bananas
Family charcoal lighter cereal
2 liters: 50 % more than 1 liter.
Boneless beef roll mops
Meatload sandwich
Free Datsun puppies
Kitchen table for sale: Sleeps 8
Jumbo antaloupe
I-64 closed over spilled coffee
Catholic churches will not bury people who commit suicide in their cemeteries
Police tell man to come out through bullhorn
Getting rid of zucchini
Ginger squash cakes
Robbery ends in suicide, arrest.
Road to park, school falls apart
Man gets 28 year sentence after death
Mental health group to sell fruitcakes
Last edited by MidiMagic; Jun 19th, 2007 at 3:18 am.
Daylight-saving time uses more gasoline
Yestrerday i saw a good one in the paper where some policemen were chasing a suspect so they comandeered a rickshaw and made siren noises
Last edited by jbennet; Jun 19th, 2007 at 3:34 am.
If i am helpful, please give me reputation points.
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Join Date: Jul 2006
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Rofl I diddnt read them all but theres some funny ones in there thanks midi
Humpty was pushed
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 7,329
Reputation:
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Hilarious 
I am nothing special; of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts, and I’ve led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough. -The Notebook
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Originally Posted by jbennet 
Yestrerday i saw a good one in the paper where some policemen were chasing a suspect so they comandeered a rickshaw and made siren noises
I know this thread is rather old, but I just saw an interesting headline on the MSN website. One of the 'week in review' articles had the caption "Cleaner wins suit over missing pants."
"No trees were harmed in the production of this post. However, several electrons were severely inconvenienced."
Kumquat.
Kumquat.
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 4,335
Reputation: 
Solved Threads: 236
An oldie but a goodie for me was
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Sioux Women Rip Beavers
"One of the methods used by statists to destroy capitalism consists in establishing controls that tie a given industry hand and foot, making it unable to solve its problems, then declaring that freedom has failed and stronger controls are necessary." --Ayn Rand
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,849
Reputation:
Solved Threads: 1
"How to protect your neighborhood against crime and Jennifer Beals, star of The Bride. Live at five."
-from a tease on CBS-TV, New York
-from a tease on CBS-TV, New York
Disclaimer: Nothing I say can be considered credible information (I wonder what that means about this disclaimer then).
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Originally Posted by sk8ndestroy14
"How to protect your neighborhood against crime and Jennifer Beals, star of The Bride. Live at five."
-from a tease on CBS-TV, New York
"No trees were harmed in the production of this post. However, several electrons were severely inconvenienced."
Kumquat.
Kumquat.
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