Hi and welcome to Daniweb. Remain calm ok. Let's see what we can do here. The guy is a sleeze!
Did you find this on the laptop or the computer in question? If it is on both of the computers then he has them both set up to spy. We can work on both but let's start with the one you know he has used the most.

My opinion....he is lying. If you found it then he installed it. That program has to be installed on a computer, it doesn't install itself. It IS a spying program which will monitors everything done on the computer. It can monitor keystrokes, instant messengers, web sites visited, and email. There are several versions of it, The "Spector PRO" version costs over $100.00.
EBlaster sells for just under $100 and monitors activity on a given computer through email. It forwards both incoming and outgoing email to a specified email address. It also sends a report of activity at specified intervals, such as hourly or daily. This includes chats session, websites visited, and keystrokes. The installer can set the program for immediate notification when certain events occur, such as specified words or website.

First of all download HiJackThis and save it to your desktop.

Also do the following:
Please download Malwarebytes' Anti-Malware (MBA-M) to your Desktop.

* DoubleClick mbam-setup.exe and follow the prompts to install MBA-M.
* Be sure a checkmark is placed next to Update Malwarebytes' Anti-Malware and Launch Malwarebytes' Anti-Malware, then click Finish.
* If an update is found, it will download and install the latest version.

Now I am changing the standard instructions here just for you...AFTER you download and update. Close the program. Shut down the computer. UNPLUG the computer from the internet...actually REMOVE the internet cable from the computer so it cannot go online during the scan. Then reboot the computer and Open Malwarebytes' Anti-Malware and follow the instructions below:
* Once the program has loaded, select Perform full scan, then click Scan.
* When the scan is complete, click OK, then Show Results to view the results.
* Be sure that everything is checked, and click Remove Selected.
* When MBA-M finishes, Notepad will open with the log. Please save it where you can find it easily. The log can also be opened by going to Start > All Programs > Malwarebytes' Anti-Malware > Logs > log-date.txt.

Reboot the computer.
Next do a System Scan with HiJackThis and save the log.

Post back here with the MBA-M log and the HiJackThis log.
I am going to ask two other helpers to also take a look at this and offer suggestions too their names are PhilliePhan and Crunchie. Only follow instructions given by one of the three of us.
Judy

Hi "J",

I have to go back through your reply, but (novice that I am) I found a Kasperaky log (HE put the Kaspersky on there and I suspect, though am not sure, that he must have done something to keep Kaspersky from mentioning the spyware.) Before I DELETED Kaspersky, I came across this "log" and I noticed the mention of a program called SPECTOR, which you mentioned in your reply. I asked the now ex-bf if that was the program he put on - as it was the SAME DATE as a therapist appt we had - to discuss his trust issues. It appears he put it on THAT NIGHT "after" the therapist had asked him - and he agreed - NOT to be suspicous of "phantoms." He kept telling me it was some sort of "micro camera" the size of a "nail head" that he had put on. He claimed that he DID NOT put Spector on there, that it must have been on there already.

ANYWAY, another friend told me to remove the Kaspersky and put on AVIRA and SPY DOCTOR, which I did. Was this the correct advise? I couldn't find any malicious programs with either program, but since then, I haven't used the desktop for anything other than some work related stuff. NOTHING of a personal nature. I'm using my laptop, which he hasn't seen in months, but I do wonder if he has something on here, too.

I am not crazy about the SpyDoctor program but it's ok.
I would rather not advise until I see actual scan logs from the programs I listed. I cannot say anything for sure. I am not going to get into personal problems with you, I will help with the computer period. Spector couldn't have gotten on alone, it has to be installed. Please run the scans and post the logs.

"J" .... As requested, I put both programs (via your link) on my desktop and laptop computer (even though the ex hasn't been in contact with the laptop for a few months, I'm still paranoid.) The logs are below. Both said nothing "malicious" was detected.

PLEASE NOTE: My ex is a computer/IT expert. It is what he does for a living.

ADDITIONAL QUESTION: ---> I mentioned in my previous post that the ex said he had "something" that could "bypass" my internet password (I guess he was referring to my modem password, because he got onto the internet with his laptop WITHOUT needing my password, which I had changed by that point). Is this something else I need to worry about???

Here are the logs:

Malwarebytes' Anti-Malware 1.41
Database version: 2867
Windows 5.1.2600 Service Pack 3
9/28/2009 12:50:55 PM
mbam-log-2009-09-28 (12-50-55).txt
Scan type: Full Scan (C:\|)
Objects scanned: 240806
Time elapsed: 1 hour(s), 3 minute(s), 15 second(s)
Memory Processes Infected: 0
Memory Modules Infected: 0
Registry Keys Infected: 0
Registry Values Infected: 0
Registry Data Items Infected: 0
Folders Infected: 0
Files Infected: 0
Memory Processes Infected:
(No malicious items detected)
Memory Modules Infected:
(No malicious items detected)
Registry Keys Infected:
(No malicious items detected)
Registry Values Infected:
(No malicious items detected)
Registry Data Items Infected:
(No malicious items detected)
Folders Infected:
(No malicious items detected)
Files Infected:
(No malicious items detected)

Logfile of Trend Micro HijackThis v2.0.2
Scan saved at 12:54:07 PM, on 9/28/2009
Platform: Windows XP SP3 (WinNT 5.01.2600)
MSIE: Internet Explorer v8.00 (8.00.6001.18702)
Boot mode: Normal
Running processes:
C:\WINDOWS\System32\smss.exe
C:\WINDOWS\system32\csrss.exe
C:\WINDOWS\system32\winlogon.exe
C:\WINDOWS\system32\services.exe
C:\WINDOWS\system32\lsass.exe
C:\WINDOWS\system32\svchost.exe
C:\WINDOWS\system32\svchost.exe
C:\WINDOWS\System32\svchost.exe
C:\WINDOWS\System32\svchost.exe
C:\WINDOWS\System32\svchost.exe
C:\WINDOWS\system32\spoolsv.exe
C:\Program Files\Avira\AntiVir Desktop\sched.exe
C:\WINDOWS\System32\svchost.exe
C:\Program Files\Avira\AntiVir Desktop\avguard.exe
C:\Program Files\Common Files\AOL\ACS\AOLAcsd.exe
C:\Program Files\Common Files\AOL\TopSpeed\2.0\aoltsmon.exe
C:\Program Files\Common Files\Apple\Mobile Device Support\bin\AppleMobileDeviceService.exe
C:\Program Files\Bonjour\mDNSResponder.exe
C:\Program Files\Common Files\AOL\TopSpeed\2.0\aoltpspd.exe
C:\WINDOWS\system32\cisvc.exe
C:\WINDOWS\System32\svchost.exe
C:\Program Files\Common Files\Intuit\Update Service\IntuitUpdateService.exe
C:\Program Files\Java\jre6\bin\jqs.exe
C:\Program Files\Spyware Doctor\pctsAuxs.exe
C:\Program Files\Spyware Doctor\pctsSvc.exe
C:\WINDOWS\System32\snmp.exe
C:\WINDOWS\System32\svchost.exe
C:\Program Files\Common Files\Symantec Shared\CCPD-LC\symlcsvc.exe
C:\Program Files\Viewpoint\Common\ViewpointService.exe
C:\Program Files\Windows Media Player\WMPNetwk.exe
C:\WINDOWS\System32\alg.exe
C:\WINDOWS\Explorer.EXE
C:\Program Files\iTunes\iTunesHelper.exe
C:\Program Files\Microsoft IntelliType Pro\type32.exe
C:\Program Files\Microsoft IntelliPoint\point32.exe
C:\WINDOWS\System32\hkcmd.exe
C:\Program Files\Microsoft Office\Office12\GrooveMonitor.exe
C:\Program Files\Spyware Doctor\pctsTray.exe
C:\Program Files\Avira\AntiVir Desktop\avgnt.exe
C:\WINDOWS\system32\ctfmon.exe
C:\Program Files\Messenger\msmsgs.exe
C:\Program Files\iPod\bin\iPodService.exe
C:\Program Files\Kodak\Kodak EasyShare software\bin\EasyShare.exe
C:\Program Files\Kodak\KODAK Software Updater\7288971\Program\Kodak Software Updater.exe
C:\WINDOWS\system32\cidaemon.exe
C:\Program Files\Trend Micro\HijackThis\HijackThis.exe
C:\WINDOWS\system32\wbem\wmiprvse.exe
R1 - HKCU\Software\Microsoft\Internet Explorer\Main,Search Page = http://go.microsoft.com/fwlink/?LinkId=54896
R0 - HKCU\Software\Microsoft\Internet Explorer\Main,Start Page = http://www.yahoo.com/
R1 - HKLM\Software\Microsoft\Internet Explorer\Main,Default_Page_URL = http://go.microsoft.com/fwlink/?LinkId=69157
R1 - HKLM\Software\Microsoft\Internet Explorer\Main,Default_Search_URL = http://go.microsoft.com/fwlink/?LinkId=54896
R1 - HKLM\Software\Microsoft\Internet Explorer\Main,Search Page = http://go.microsoft.com/fwlink/?LinkId=54896
R0 - HKLM\Software\Microsoft\Internet Explorer\Main,Start Page = http://go.microsoft.com/fwlink/?LinkId=69157
R0 - HKLM\Software\Microsoft\Internet Explorer\Search,SearchAssistant =
R0 - HKLM\Software\Microsoft\Internet Explorer\Search,CustomizeSearch =
R1 - HKCU\Software\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\Internet Settings,ProxyServer = 127.0.0.1:8080
R1 - HKCU\Software\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\Internet Settings,ProxyOverride = local;*.local
O2 - BHO: AcroIEHelperStub - {18DF081C-E8AD-4283-A596-FA578C2EBDC3} - C:\Program Files\Common Files\Adobe\Acrobat\ActiveX\AcroIEHelperShim.dll
O2 - BHO: Groove GFS Browser Helper - {72853161-30C5-4D22-B7F9-0BBC1D38A37E} - C:\Program Files\Microsoft Office\Office12\GrooveShellExtensions.dll
O2 - BHO: SSVHelper Class - {761497BB-D6F0-462C-B6EB-D4DAF1D92D43} - C:\Program Files\Java\jre6\bin\ssv.dll
O2 - BHO: (no name) - {7E853D72-626A-48EC-A868-BA8D5E23E045} - (no file)
O2 - BHO: Java(tm) Plug-In 2 SSV Helper - {DBC80044-A445-435b-BC74-9C25C1C588A9} - C:\Program Files\Java\jre6\bin\jp2ssv.dll
O2 - BHO: JQSIEStartDetectorImpl - {E7E6F031-17CE-4C07-BC86-EABFE594F69C} - C:\Program Files\Java\jre6\lib\deploy\jqs\ie\jqs_plugin.dll
O4 - HKLM\..\Run: [QuickTime Task] "C:\Program Files\QuickTime\qttask.exe" -atboottime
O4 - HKLM\..\Run: [iTunesHelper] "C:\Program Files\iTunes\iTunesHelper.exe"
O4 - HKLM\..\Run: [type32] "C:\Program Files\Microsoft IntelliType Pro\type32.exe"
O4 - HKLM\..\Run: [NeroCheck] C:\WINDOWS\system32\NeroCheck.exe
O4 - HKLM\..\Run: [IntelliPoint] "C:\Program Files\Microsoft IntelliPoint\point32.exe"
O4 - HKLM\..\Run: [IgfxTray] C:\WINDOWS\System32\igfxtray.exe
O4 - HKLM\..\Run: [HotKeysCmds] C:\WINDOWS\System32\hkcmd.exe
O4 - HKLM\..\Run: [GrooveMonitor] "C:\Program Files\Microsoft Office\Office12\GrooveMonitor.exe"
O4 - HKLM\..\Run: [Adobe Reader Speed Launcher] "C:\Program Files\Adobe\Reader 9.0\Reader\Reader_sl.exe"
O4 - HKLM\..\Run: [ISTray] "C:\Program Files\Spyware Doctor\pctsTray.exe"
O4 - HKLM\..\Run: [avgnt] "C:\Program Files\Avira\AntiVir Desktop\avgnt.exe" /min
O4 - HKCU\..\Run: [ctfmon.exe] C:\WINDOWS\system32\ctfmon.exe
O4 - HKCU\..\Run: [updateMgr] "C:\Program Files\Adobe\Acrobat 7.0\Reader\AdobeUpdateManager.exe" AcRdB7_0_8 -reboot 1
O4 - HKCU\..\Run: [MSMSGS] "C:\Program Files\Messenger\msmsgs.exe" /background
O4 - Global Startup: Kodak EasyShare software.lnk = C:\Program Files\Kodak\Kodak EasyShare software\bin\EasyShare.exe
O4 - Global Startup: KODAK Software Updater.lnk = C:\Program Files\Kodak\KODAK Software Updater\7288971\Program\Kodak Software Updater.exe
O9 - Extra button: (no name) - {08B0E5C0-4FCB-11CF-AAA5-00401C608501} - C:\Program Files\Java\jre6\bin\npjpi160_13.dll
O9 - Extra 'Tools' menuitem: Sun Java Console - {08B0E5C0-4FCB-11CF-AAA5-00401C608501} - C:\Program Files\Java\jre6\bin\npjpi160_13.dll
O9 - Extra button: Send to OneNote - {2670000A-7350-4f3c-8081-5663EE0C6C49} - C:\PROGRA~1\MICROS~2\Office12\ONBttnIE.dll
O9 - Extra 'Tools' menuitem: S&end to OneNote - {2670000A-7350-4f3c-8081-5663EE0C6C49} - C:\PROGRA~1\MICROS~2\Office12\ONBttnIE.dll
O9 - Extra button: Research - {92780B25-18CC-41C8-B9BE-3C9C571A8263} - C:\PROGRA~1\MICROS~2\Office12\REFIEBAR.DLL
O9 - Extra button: (no name) - {e2e2dd38-d088-4134-82b7-f2ba38496583} - C:\WINDOWS\Network Diagnostic\xpnetdiag.exe
O9 - Extra 'Tools' menuitem: @xpsp3res.dll,-20001 - {e2e2dd38-d088-4134-82b7-f2ba38496583} - C:\WINDOWS\Network Diagnostic\xpnetdiag.exe
O9 - Extra button: Messenger - {FB5F1910-F110-11d2-BB9E-00C04F795683} - C:\Program Files\Messenger\msmsgs.exe
O9 - Extra 'Tools' menuitem: Windows Messenger - {FB5F1910-F110-11d2-BB9E-00C04F795683} - C:\Program Files\Messenger\msmsgs.exe
O15 - Trusted Zone: *.intuit.com
O16 - DPF: {5D6F45B3-9043-443D-A792-115447494D24} (UnoCtrl Class) - http://messenger.zone.msn.com/EN-US/.../GAME_UNO1.cab
O16 - DPF: {67DABFBF-D0AB-41FA-9C46-CC0F21721616} (DivXBrowserPlugin Object) - http://download.divx.com/player/DivXBrowserPlugin.cab
O16 - DPF: {6E32070A-766D-4EE6-879C-DC1FA91D2FC3} (MUWebControl Class) - http://update.microsoft.com/microsof...?1152473460621
O16 - DPF: {8100D56A-5661-482C-BEE8-AFECE305D968} (Facebook Photo Uploader 5 Control) - http://upload.facebook.com/controls/...Uploader55.cab
O16 - DPF: {8E0D4DE5-3180-4024-A327-4DFAD1796A8D} (MessengerStatsClient Class) - http://messenger.zone.msn.com/binary...t.cab31267.cab
O16 - DPF: {9A57B18E-2F5D-11D5-8997-00104BD12D94} (compid Class) - http://support.gateway.com/support/s...vest/gwCID.CAB
O16 - DPF: {A8739816-022C-11D6-A85D-00C04F9AEAFB} (Web Camera Server Control) - http://70.168.149.230/wg_webeye.cab
O18 - Protocol: grooveLocalGWS - {88FED34C-F0CA-4636-A375-3CB6248B04CD} - C:\Program Files\Microsoft Office\Office12\GrooveSystemServices.dll
O18 - Filter hijack: text/html - (no CLSID) - (no file)
O21 - SSODL: Ipxucsap - {06C3A8FF-3383-4787-B78F-35C9DD52A16A} - C:\WINDOWS\system32\lanixmax.dll
O23 - Service: Avira AntiVir Scheduler (AntiVirSchedulerService) - Avira GmbH - C:\Program Files\Avira\AntiVir Desktop\sched.exe
O23 - Service: Avira AntiVir Guard (AntiVirService) - Avira GmbH - C:\Program Files\Avira\AntiVir Desktop\avguard.exe
O23 - Service: AOL Connectivity Service (AOL ACS) - AOL LLC - C:\Program Files\Common Files\AOL\ACS\AOLAcsd.exe
O23 - Service: AOL TopSpeed Monitor (AOL TopSpeedMonitor) - America Online, Inc - C:\Program Files\Common Files\AOL\TopSpeed\2.0\aoltsmon.exe
O23 - Service: Apple Mobile Device - Apple Inc. - C:\Program Files\Common Files\Apple\Mobile Device Support\bin\AppleMobileDeviceService.exe
O23 - Service: Bonjour Service - Apple Inc. - C:\Program Files\Bonjour\mDNSResponder.exe
O23 - Service: FLEXnet Licensing Service - Macrovision Europe Ltd. - C:\Program Files\Common Files\Macrovision Shared\FLEXnet Publisher\FNPLicensingService.exe
O23 - Service: Intuit Update Service (IntuitUpdateService) - Intuit Inc. - C:\Program Files\Common Files\Intuit\Update Service\IntuitUpdateService.exe
O23 - Service: iPod Service - Apple Inc. - C:\Program Files\iPod\bin\iPodService.exe
O23 - Service: Java Quick Starter (JavaQuickStarterService) - Sun Microsystems, Inc. - C:\Program Files\Java\jre6\bin\jqs.exe
O23 - Service: lxbx_device - Lexmark International, Inc. - C:\WINDOWS\system32\lxbxcoms.exe
O23 - Service: PC Tools Auxiliary Service (sdAuxService) - PC Tools - C:\Program Files\Spyware Doctor\pctsAuxs.exe
O23 - Service: PC Tools Security Service (sdCoreService) - PC Tools - C:\Program Files\Spyware Doctor\pctsSvc.exe
O23 - Service: Symantec Core LC - Symantec Corporation - C:\Program Files\Common Files\Symantec Shared\CCPD-LC\symlcsvc.exe
O23 - Service: Viewpoint Manager Service - Viewpoint Corporation - C:\Program Files\Viewpoint\Common\ViewpointService.exe
--
End of file - 9809 bytes

Please do the following:
If you use Internet Explore, please download by clicking on this link Silent Runner's save it to your Desktop
* Run Silent Runner's by doubleclicking the "Silent Runners" icon on your desktop.
* You will see a text file appear on the desktop - it's not done, let it run (it won't appear to be doing anything!)
* Once you receive the prompt All Done! , you can then post this text file log to your next message.

NOTE: If you receive any warning messages from your antivirus or antispyware programs about a script trying to be run , please choose to allow the script to run.

Thank you. Will do that now.

May I ask .... did you find anything unusual in the logs and... Did you have any response to my question regarding the device my ex says he has that can bypass my internet password?

I have only seen two log from two programs so to determine that other scans must be done.
We need to see the log that has been requested. I have no idea if he can by-pass your password, yes it can be done, whether he can do it, I have not seen the log I want to see.

If you prefer you could reformat the computer which would likely remove anything that could have been installed on there.

I ran Silent Runner but I have no idea how to find the log/file. I tells me it is in some start program but i can't find it.

There were 2 logs posted in my previous reply. One from Malware and one from HiJack This.