Really, there's not much you can do.

Honestly, I recommend a stick. A BIG stick. If your boyfriend is downloading porn, then there are other issues aside from the computer that you need to contend with. You could block every porn site that you could find, but he could definitely find more. That's just how things go.

The more effective thing to do would be to say, "We need to have a talk". Tell him that you cannot tolerate your significant other looking at porn. If you're not comfortable with it, tell him. If he does not respect your wishes, he does not respect you. If that's the case, he might not deserve being with you.

I know this is a technical forum, but not all answers to problems are technical.

Oh yes I realize this...we have had plenty of talks trust me, and i know that he has promised its over and done with, but this all happened at a bad time....we were in the Air Force together then, he recently got out and headed about 2 hours south of me to go to the school of his dreams and I still have 2 years left before I can move down there.....So, I am worried that during our time apart he might be prone to falling back into old habits...being by himself and all. So, I need this for my own assurance, to help me sleep at night.

AmbaLee, is he really downloading porn or are you over-reacting to something that isn't actually happening.

You see, not every mention of porn you'll see on an internet-connected PC means that someone has been looking at porn. In fact, very very little of it means that! The internet is now advertising driven, and by far the greatest majority of advertising is porn-related. Pornography sponsors and pays for quite a lot of internet acticity which actually has nothing whatsoever to do with immoral activity. Boyfriend been trying to crack a game so he doesn't have to get wear and tear on that expensive game CD? Well he's gonna encounter porn pop-ups! Been hunting the internet for free downloads? It's inevitable that he'll encounter porn pop-ups and related 'net nasties'. I could mention dozens of other legitimate activities that will lead to the same result, and I believe it's IMPOSSIBLE to keep an internet connected PC free from all traces and indications of porn.


Before you go losing sleep over this, and thinking that your boyfriend is being unfair towards you, you need to be sure that he actually IS! If you never want to see anything remotely connected with pornography on that PC of his, then I'm afraid the only way to do that is to format it agin fresh, and then NEVER have it connected to the interent!

And if he really IS looking at rude pictures, then hell, girl! Take it from an old fella who's been happily married for longer than most here have been living! Being faithful and true doesn't mean you can't LOOK! If you expect him to never even feel curious and LOOK at another female, then you're expecting too much and you'll NEVER end up happy!

Cheers,
Grandad Terry

Catweazle,
Yes I am sure and no I do not expect that. My boyfriend has admitted this to me as an obsessive problem, he has asked me to help him overcome this. Before he left for Savannah I know he was doing really well but now he is alone and I dont want this addictive behavior to start back up again. I dont want to get down there in two years and start my life with him only to find we are having the same problems we delt with years ago, that would make me feel like a fool. This man claims he wants to marry me someday and I love him and want to be with him but I cant handle an addiction to porn, or anything else for that matter. I understand "Looking" is ok. But its a problem. And like any addiction it would be easy for him to fall back into the same thing again. I am asking for help to prevent that. Not as an overreactive girlfriend, but as someone who loves him and wants the two of us to put this stupid stuff behind us and have a happy future together. I dont think thats asking to much......

A Tech solution ain't gonna help, AmbaLee. There just isn't a 'Filter' that good, and even if there was it does nothing for your situation, because it removes responsibility from him.

You asked him, he said he would, now you gotta trust him, and if he betrays that trust you gotta face the implications and outcomes of that.

Sorry to say it, but the best Net filtering software in the world is of no real use to you. And in my Technical opinion, the best Net filtering software in the world isn't very good anyway.

Good luck with it.

Amber,

As one girl to another, I just want to add my thoughts on this. If he has an addiction to porn you WILL both be fighting it your entire lives (or as long as you're with him). It might be fine while you two are relatively happy and together, but as life goes on and you are pulled apart by distance, schedules, children or just a normal lulling of sexual interest in each other, this problem with come up over and over again.

I am of the opinion that most guys have some issues with porn on some level. The problem comes and the addiction starts when they start needing more and more bizzare things to get the high they once got. If they continue to push the limits, it is likely that they will end up acting out on these impulses and trying to make some of the fantasies come true.

My general feeling is that if you "cant handle an addiction to porn" then you need to realize that addictions do not go away. You will always be dealing with and handling it as long as you are with him. Some times it may be more controlled than others, but it will always be there. The good news is that you understand the seriousness of his problem while you still have the opportunity to make other choices. Most girls don't find out about it till long after vows are said.

Of course, all this being said, it is your decision. You have to decide what you can and cannot live with. There is nothing wrong if you decide you can live with it, or can't. It is your choice.

And these guys are right. There is nothing that can block any of those types of programs. He can find ways around it if he wants to. The closest you could come is to remove any file sharing type programs and take away his install rights and then use a fairly good internet filter. But, it still won't stop it if he doesn't want to. Or even if he wants to, but doesn't have the will to.

I hope that some of this makes sense. Hopefully I didn't say anything I shouldn't have, I just thought you might appreciate an older gal's (very experienced) position on the whole thing.

I know this is a techie joint, and I love it, but you folks have meted out much wisdom in this thread; nice to be in your company.
BuddyB

I really appreciate everyones honesty, and taking the time to reply to my thread.....can I offer anyone who has posted on this thread a gmail invite?

You could just tell him you hid a sub-executable encoded file on his computer (assuming he's not too computer literate) that monitors copyrighted material transfer on P2P and crossfire networks and alerts the RIAA of infractions. That might slow his interest in filesharing.
Haha, but I would have to agree with the other guys in this forum, you can't stop porn, I say let him endulge himself in all the porn he wants, because personally I found porn to get boring after a while.
[disclaimer: I'm only 20 so I'm no relationship expert, if you lose don't blame me]

Another quickie, but a goodie, is find him something cooler to do like a kick ass video game.