Please Help Me block porn!!!!!!

[AmbaLee368]

Hi my name is Amber and I am new to this site....I have a major question, my boyfriend and I have had alot of past trouble with PORN :twisted: And I dont know what to do, i dont want to take away his internet entirely so we agreed on a filter, I found ContentProtect and started a 14 day trial to see how it would work, it works really well BUT, If I were to go to Kazza or a torrent site I can still acess and download pornography. If anyone can help me out on how I can block this or another filter to use......PLEASE post!!!!! Thanks in advance, Amber

[alc6379]

Really, there's not much you can do.

Honestly, I recommend a stick. A BIG stick. If your boyfriend is downloading porn, then there are other issues aside from the computer that you need to contend with. You could block every porn site that you could find, but he could definitely find more. That's just how things go.

The more effective thing to do would be to say, "We need to have a talk". Tell him that you cannot tolerate your significant other looking at porn. If you're not comfortable with it, tell him. If he does not respect your wishes, he does not respect you. If that's the case, he might not deserve being with you.

I know this is a technical forum, but not all answers to problems are technical.

[AmbaLee368]

Oh yes I realize this...we have had plenty of talks trust me, and i know that he has promised its over and done with, but this all happened at a bad time....we were in the Air Force together then, he recently got out and headed about 2 hours south of me to go to the school of his dreams and I still have 2 years left before I can move down there.....So, I am worried that during our time apart he might be prone to falling back into old habits...being by himself and all. So, I need this for my own assurance, to help me sleep at night.

[Catweazle]

AmbaLee, is he really downloading porn or are you over-reacting to something that isn't actually happening.

You see, not every mention of porn you'll see on an internet-connected PC means that someone has been looking at porn. In fact, very very little of it means that! The internet is now advertising driven, and by far the greatest majority of advertising is porn-related. Pornography sponsors and pays for quite a lot of internet acticity which actually has nothing whatsoever to do with immoral activity. Boyfriend been trying to crack a game so he doesn't have to get wear and tear on that expensive game CD? Well he's gonna encounter porn pop-ups! Been hunting the internet for free downloads? It's inevitable that he'll encounter porn pop-ups and related 'net nasties'. I could mention dozens of other legitimate activities that will lead to the same result, and I believe it's IMPOSSIBLE to keep an internet connected PC free from all traces and indications of porn.


Before you go losing sleep over this, and thinking that your boyfriend is being unfair towards you, you need to be sure that he actually IS! If you never want to see anything remotely connected with pornography on that PC of his, then I'm afraid the only way to do that is to format it agin fresh, and then NEVER have it connected to the interent!

And if he really IS looking at rude pictures, then hell, girl! Take it from an old fella who's been happily married for longer than most here have been living! Being faithful and true doesn't mean you can't LOOK! If you expect him to never even feel curious and LOOK at another female, then you're expecting too much and you'll NEVER end up happy!

Cheers,
Grandad Terry

[AmbaLee368]

Catweazle,
Yes I am sure and no I do not expect that. My boyfriend has admitted this to me as an obsessive problem, he has asked me to help him overcome this. Before he left for Savannah I know he was doing really well but now he is alone and I dont want this addictive behavior to start back up again. I dont want to get down there in two years and start my life with him only to find we are having the same problems we delt with years ago, that would make me feel like a fool. This man claims he wants to marry me someday and I love him and want to be with him but I cant handle an addiction to porn, or anything else for that matter. I understand "Looking" is ok. But its a problem. And like any addiction it would be easy for him to fall back into the same thing again. I am asking for help to prevent that. Not as an overreactive girlfriend, but as someone who loves him and wants the two of us to put this stupid stuff behind us and have a happy future together. I dont think thats asking to much......

[Catweazle]

A Tech solution ain't gonna help, AmbaLee. There just isn't a 'Filter' that good, and even if there was it does nothing for your situation, because it removes responsibility from him.

You asked him, he said he would, now you gotta trust him, and if he betrays that trust you gotta face the implications and outcomes of that.

Sorry to say it, but the best Net filtering software in the world is of no real use to you. And in my Technical opinion, the best Net filtering software in the world isn't very good anyway.

Good luck with it.

[qt 3.14159]

Amber,

As one girl to another, I just want to add my thoughts on this. If he has an addiction to porn you WILL both be fighting it your entire lives (or as long as you're with him). It might be fine while you two are relatively happy and together, but as life goes on and you are pulled apart by distance, schedules, children or just a normal lulling of sexual interest in each other, this problem with come up over and over again.

I am of the opinion that most guys have some issues with porn on some level. The problem comes and the addiction starts when they start needing more and more bizzare things to get the high they once got. If they continue to push the limits, it is likely that they will end up acting out on these impulses and trying to make some of the fantasies come true.

My general feeling is that if you "cant handle an addiction to porn" then you need to realize that addictions do not go away. You will always be dealing with and handling it as long as you are with him. Some times it may be more controlled than others, but it will always be there. The good news is that you understand the seriousness of his problem while you still have the opportunity to make other choices. Most girls don't find out about it till long after vows are said.

Of course, all this being said, it is your decision. You have to decide what you can and cannot live with. There is nothing wrong if you decide you can live with it, or can't. It is your choice.

And these guys are right. There is nothing that can block any of those types of programs. He can find ways around it if he wants to. The closest you could come is to remove any file sharing type programs and take away his install rights and then use a fairly good internet filter. But, it still won't stop it if he doesn't want to. Or even if he wants to, but doesn't have the will to.

I hope that some of this makes sense. Hopefully I didn't say anything I shouldn't have, I just thought you might appreciate an older gal's (very experienced) position on the whole thing.

[buddyb]

I know this is a techie joint, and I love it, but you folks have meted out much wisdom in this thread; nice to be in your company.
BuddyB :)

[AmbaLee368]

I really appreciate everyones honesty, and taking the time to reply to my thread.....can I offer anyone who has posted on this thread a gmail invite?

[steosaur(oWn)]

You could just tell him you hid a sub-executable encoded file on his computer (assuming he's not too computer literate) that monitors copyrighted material transfer on P2P and crossfire networks and alerts the RIAA of infractions. That might slow his interest in filesharing.
Haha, but I would have to agree with the other guys in this forum, you can't stop porn, I say let him endulge himself in all the porn he wants, because personally I found porn to get boring after a while.
[disclaimer: I'm only 20 so I'm no relationship expert, if you lose don't blame me]

Another quickie, but a goodie, is find him something cooler to do like a kick ass video game.

[qt 3.14159]

I'll take one of those GMail invites, Amber, if you're still willing.

[ocnative1964]

arent there programs that will keep track of all web sites someone goes to.... it would not be a filter but more of a "camera" big brother is watching????

would not that do the trick????

sorry I dont know of any programs, Ive just heard of them from friends that have teens...

i would not mind a gmail invite....

[antioed]

Very interesting topic. I just wanted to get some stuff down in writing about this real quick for the record...

Freaky fellas, if you can't:

a. Give up the naughty pictures for someone you really care about.
b. Find a freaky chick who's into it. (recommended)

...you don't belong in a relationship!

Ladies, if it really bothers you then go find a guy who's not like that. Remember: love is an amazing feeling but no matter how strongly you might feel about someone it's never going to be worth living a life of unhappiness.

Good luck Amber!

Peace and love to all.

[alc6379]

arent there programs that will keep track of all web sites someone goes to.... it would not be a filter but more of a "camera" big brother is watching???? would not that do the trick???? sorry I dont know of any programs, Ive just heard of them from friends that have teens... i would not mind a gmail invite....

There are keyloggers, but then again, if you're using one of these spy-type programs, you're invading his privacy. That, in my book is just as bad as him looking at porn on the sly.

I think that antioed's comments are very poignant-- I'd give you some rep points if hadn't done it recently already!

[ocnative1964]

There are keyloggers, but then again, if you're using one of these spy-type programs, you're invading his privacy. That, in my book is just as bad as him looking at porn on the sly. I think that antioed's comments are very poignant-- I'd give you some rep points if hadn't done it recently already!

yeah but if he knows its there its not spying, no worse than net nanny or what have you I guess....

most companies monitor/or at least can monitor internet use, and phone calls etc. as long as you know they will or can watch, it should keep you out of trouble...

I never meant to sneak it on the computer... do it together!!!

[alc6379]

I never meant to sneak it on the computer... do it together!!!

Well, the way I look at it is this... More than likely, the significant other would be offended that you'd ever suggest this. The way it turns out sounding is like,

"Yes dear, I say I trust you, but I want to install this program because though I say I trust you, I don't trust you enough to not do this. "

...And that's never the way you'd want to go. Bottom line in my book-- don't try any sneaky stuff to catch him in the act. It's going to end up hurting more than neccesary, and the situations just going to become more inflamed. If you really don't want him doing this, the only way to have any change is for him to come to the intimate realisation that his actions are going to cause you to leave. If he is not ultimately aware of that, he'll have no reason to change his actions.

[dlh6213]

Amber, here is a "Dear Abby" article I think you should read:

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20040914

(Make sure the date showing is September 14, 2004) Hope it helps.

For those interested in gmail, there is a Sticky thread dedicated to it in the Geek's Forum.

[spikes]

Hey Amber,
i'm sure you've seen plenty already but i just wanted to add some things in for you.

your up againsed one hell of a problem and your gona have to realise that you cannot change a person, sure you may seam to for a year maybe two but after that the old personality will start to come through, and more to the point when it does he will feel resentful of how you made him change.

next up you have to realise that us boys are very sexualy motavated. its all genetic, boys are encoded to spread the seeds of life through as many parteners as they can find, girls are encoded to search out the one best mate, alpha male. its only our modern morol codes that keep us in monogamy.

next up if he is only looking at some standard naughty pics, nothing illegal or horibal, let him. it does not mean that he does not love you, as above us boys dont have such a strong link between love and sex as you girls. why do you think prostitution has been around for centuarys. for him its just a vent, and in the long run it'll probably keep him satisfyed and by your side rather than by someone else's side.

right, banning him or spying on him will only fuel his fire, so much more of a thrill to know you may get caught. and the thrill of getting away with it!

why dont you hit a compramise, tell him strate you can handel the normal porn, anything illegal, animal or and you'll leave him ( and by the way, if hes looking at boys, dont marry him! =;) )

right there you go hope it made sence, sorry about the spelling. and seriously dont de-rail your own train unless it heading for a worse disaster.

please take no offence if you dont aggree with me, i wish you all the luck in the world.

spikes

disclaimer: and words and pharses used in this post are purely the opion of the author, you do not have to belive or take heed of any advice given. you do not need to reply with any abuse or direction, just trying to be helpfull

[Catweazle]

I wish you good luck in life, spikes. I have a rather strong suspicion you need it more than Amber does :D

[spikes]

hey, i'm not that bad catweazle, just try to help out by providing some thourghts

spikes