DanceInstructor, dojo, Dustin, thank you all for the input. I eventually slogged through it. I ended up banning SIX people, including the moderator, no chance (or desire) of making it up with her now.
I stopped being confused about what to do when one of the moderator's friends threatened violence & lawsuits. At that point, I just shut 'em all down. The forum was like a ghost-town for a couple of weeks, but now it's picking up steam again, and the new members who have taken over are actually friendly and courteous.
The big thing that helped was DanceInstructor's advice (I think it was DanceInstructor). I added not one, not two, but about 20 mods to my forum. In fact, my forum was running phpBB 2.0.16, so I actually deleted all the files (kept the database), installed 2.0.19, installed EasyMod, and basically built something better than before. In the process, I managed to rewrite and/or fix about 15 phpBB mods, notified the mod developers, and posted them on my site. So I'm feeling pretty good about it now.
-Tony
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