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A young Republican businessman had just started his own firm, and was sitting in his brand new beautiful office.

He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear a real hot shot, he picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working, throwing huge Dollar numbers around.

Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"

"Yeah, I have come to activate your phone lines."

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Heard from a Conservative friend this morning:
"McCain could have won the debate. Joe the plumber worked well for him the first few times, but after mentioning him the 20th time, this advantage flushed away!"

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I understand that "Joe the Plumber" got livetime contract from McCain to fix the plumbing in McCain's numerous houses.

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I understand that "Joe the Plumber" got livetime contract from McCain to fix the plumbing in McCain's numerous houses.

Very funny!

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con·text /ˈkɒntɛkst/
–noun
1. the parts of a written or spoken statement that precede or follow a specific word or passage, usually influencing its meaning or effect: You have misinterpreted my remark because you took it out of context.
2. the set of circumstances or facts that surround a particular event, situation, etc.

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con·text /ˈkɒntɛkst/
–noun
1. the parts of a written or spoken statement that precede or follow a specific word or passage, usually influencing its meaning or effect: You have misinterpreted my remark because you took it out of context.
2. the set of circumstances or facts that surround a particular event, situation, etc.

Not very funny!

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Breaking News from Fox:
"The Bush Justice Department just released newly discovered evidence that Obama fathered two black children in wedlock!"

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No one died when Clinton lied.

Yeah they did cover up anyone they knocked off didn't they? That is one thing that administration has going for them if they don't like them they make them "vanish" then they're innocent.

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Democrats are so dumb that when they hack they use the same alias that they use all the time to post that they did the crime!

Republicans don't hack they let the democrats release the cat out of the bag their selves. I mean it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know why they let everything out of the bag; they are part jackass part rat I guess that makes them a ratass.

Votes + Comments
A warning: Keep it friendly!!!
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Democrats are so dumb that when they hack they use the same alias that they use all the time to post that they did the crime!

Republicans don't hack they let the democrats release the cat out of the bag their selves. I mean it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know why they let everything out of the bag; they are part jackass part rat I guess that makes them a ratass.

This thread is for Republican humor, not for Republican hate and venom! Buzz off buddy!

If I want that kind of guff, I listen to Sarah Palin.

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A Republican found a magic genie's lamp and rubbed it. The genie said : "I will grant you one wish."

He said: "I wish I were smarter".

So the genie made him smarter. The next day the Republican turned into a Democrat.

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A democrat was abducted by an alien spaceship. The aliens did many tests on the democrat and they found that the Democrat's DNA was a cross of a donkey (jackass) and a rat which the aliens had confirmed was a household pesk.
They returned the Democrat to earth with a few alterations he had a rat's tail and a brain of a donkey.

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A democrat was abducted by an alien spaceship. The aliens did many tests on the democrat and they found that the Democrat's DNA was a cross of a donkey (jackass) and a rat which the aliens had confirmed was a household pesk.
They returned the Democrat to earth with a few alterations he had a rat's tail and a brain of a donkey.

Why don't you grow up and gives us something with humour in it? Yes the Democrats have rat in their name has you have pointed out et nausium. For that the Republicans have p in their name. Childish enough?

Let me show you how this done, here are the 10 top excuses for Dick Cheney why he shot his hunting pal:
10. Heart palpitation caused trigger finger to spasm
9. Wanted to get the Iraq mess of the front page
8. Not enough Jim Beam
7. Trying to stop the spread of bird flu
6. I love to shoot people
5. Guy was making cracks about my lesbian daughter
4. I thought the guy was trying to go 'gay cowboy' on me
3. Excuse? I hit him didn't I?
2. Until Democrats approve Medicare reform, we have to make some tough choices for the elderly
1. Made bet with Gretzgy's wife

Or try something cute like that:
"Sarah Palin and McCain are a good pair. She's pro-life and he's clinging to life."

Or:
"Have you seen the new commercial? The McCain campaign compares Barack Obama to Britney Spears and Paris Hilton. And today the Obama campaign released an ad comparing John McCain to Zsa Zsa Gabor and Bea Arthur."

Or:
"Are you excited about Sarah Palin? Well, the other day she referred to Afghanistan as our neighboring country. Apparently, she can see bin Laden's cave from her house."

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A biker is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion’s cage.

Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.

The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.

Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.

A New York Times reporter has watched the whole event.

The reporter addressing the biker says, ‘Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life.’

The biker replies, ‘Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.’

The reporter says, ‘Well, I’ll make sure this won’t go unnoticed. I’m a journalist from the New York Times, you know, and tomorrow’s paper will have this story on the front page… So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?”

The biker replies, ‘I’m a U.S. Marine and a Republican.’

The journalist leaves.

The following morning the biker buys Times to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page: U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH

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Dave, now that is funny, because it is the thruth.

More Republican (socialism for the rich) humor:
http://www.vgg.com/kfc/index.html

Closer to home:
This perk is one that kicks into high gear toward the end of any administration, the painting of official portraits at taxpayers' expense. What you may not know is that this little perk isn't reserved for presidents, cabinet (any) members get them too. Wouldn't you like John D. Ashcroft, Richard Bruce "Dick" Cheney , Donald H. Rumsfeld or Alberto Gonzales smile down on you? Order now!

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Hey, is that even the right way to hold a rifle? Can't you shoot your foot off like that?

That's a shotgun, not a rifle. Ask Dick Cheney, he is the expert on shotgun safety.

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Okay here is some republican humor.

The reason George bush always messes up so much when he's talking is because he's a re"pub"lican and hanged out at the pub to much.

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Okay here is some republican humor.

The reason George bush always messes up so much when he's talking is because he's a re"pub"lican and hanged out at the pub to much.

George Bush hasn't touched alcohol for many many years, but he has a real talent uttering gems like this:
"I would have to ask the questioner. I haven't had a chance to ask the questioners the question they've been questioning. On the other hand, I firmly believe she'll be a fine secretary of labor. And I've got confidence in Linda Chavez. She is a -- she'll bring an interesting perspective to the Labor Department."

God bless his unique brand of humour! The English language has grown richer because of him!

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You know what would be funny? To make the loser of this presidential election the vice president instead of these people we don't know much about. Mccain and Obama or Obama and Mccain would be a very, very interesting duo.

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I don't think card carrying Republicans would be very humoured! They hate Obama with a passion!

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I mean, if you've ever been a governor of a state, you understand the vast potential of broadband technology, you understand how hard it is to make sure that physics, for example, is taught in every classroom in the state. It's difficult to do. It's, like, cost-prohibitive.
--George W. Bush

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Over 75 percent of white Americans own their home, and less than 50 percent of Hispanos and African Americans don't own their home. And that's a gap, that's a homeownership gap. And we've got to do something about it.
--George W. Bush

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As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

See, we don't need it forced upon us by our conservative government!

Let's add another one of W's (George W. Bush) famous quotes:
"I will have a foreign-handed foreign policy."

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On last Sunday's "Meet the Press" TV show, John McCain said he was supported by 5 former Republican Secretaries of State. Even using his fingers several times he could only list 4.

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