Top 20 things likely to be overheard from a Klingon Programmer

[vmanes]

(this is an oldie, but I don't see that it's been posted here on DaniWeb)

1. Defensive programming? Never! Klingon programs are always on the offense. Yes, offensive programming is what we do best.
2. Specifications are for the weak and timid!
3. This machine is GAGH! I need Quad Core Extreme processors if I am to do battle with this code!
4. You cannot really appreciate Dilbert unless you've read it in the original Klingon.
5. Indentation?! - I will show you how to indent when I indent your skull!
6. What is this talk of 'release'? Klingons do not make software 'releases'. Our software 'escapes' leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake.
7. Klingon function calls do not have 'parameters' - they have 'arguments' -- and they ALWAYS WIN THEM.
8. Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle the weak. Bugs are good for building character in the user.
9. I have challenged the entire ISO-9000 quality assurance team to a Bat-Leth contest on the holodeck. They will not concern us again.
10. A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment his code!
11. By filing this bug report you have challenged the honor of my family. Prepare to die!
12. You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you stand!
13. Our users will know fear and cower before our software! Ship it! Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are!
14. Our competitors are without honor!
15. Python? That is for children. A Klingon Warrior uses only machine code, keyed in on the front panel switches in raw binary.
16. Klingon programs don't do accountancy. For that, you need a Ferengi.
17. Klingon multitasking systems do not support "time-sharing". When a Klingon program wants to run, it challenges the scheduler in hand-to-hand combat and owns the machine.
18. Perhaps it IS a good day to die! I say we ship it!
19. My program has just dumped Stova Core!
20. Behold, the keyboard of Kalis! The greatest Klingon code warrior that ever lived!

[uniteklasers]

(this is an oldie, but I don't see that it's been posted here on DaniWeb)

10. A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment his code!

A TRUE Kingon Warrior's code must stand alone!

These are hilarious. I don't get all the references but this list does a good job of outlining the typical Klingon programmer's attitude.

[ahamed101]

Yeah!!! True... the most complicated code we write should not be commented... It should be a piece of wonder and mystique for others...

[Ene Uran]

Only our friend vmanes could come up with a jewel like that, thanks!

[vmanes]

Only our friend vmanes could come up with a jewel like that, thanks!

It's just because I'm an old fart, and have a large file of goodies to fall back on!

Lemme see if I can find that one about cavemen programmers. It was carved in stone. ;)

[Lardmeister]

At least this does not hold true for the Klingons:
"A program is never finished until the programmer dies."

Interesting and very timely would be to compare a Conservative programmer with a Liberal programmer.

[vmanes]

At least this does not hold true for the Klingons:
"A program is never finished until the programmer dies."

Interesting and very timely would be to compare a Conservative programmer with a Liberal programmer.

Well, it's not the Conservative vs Liberal you're referring to, but in looking for such I found this:
Programmer Personality Test

My scoring:
Your programmer personality type is:
PLSC
You're a Planner.
You may be slow, but you'll usually find the best solution. If something's worth doing, it's worth doing right.

You like coding at a Low level.
You're from the old school of programming and believe that you should have an intimate relationship with the computer. You don't mind juggling registers around and spending hours getting a 5% performance increase in an algorithm.

You work best in a Solo situation.
The best way to program is by yourself. There's no communication problems, you know every part of the code allowing you to write the best programs possible.

You are a Conservative programmer.
The less code you write, the less chance there is of it containing a bug. You write short and to the point code that gets the job done efficiently.

[jbennet]

lol i really liked it

DHSB

Liberal high level soler doer

[Dave Sinkula]

DLSB

[GrimJack]

DHSC - and I don't even program (er, much)

[sneekula]

Very nice find there vmanes!

I am mostly into to high level programming, so I must be a bloody liberated programmer.

I wonder how Mr. Spock would program?