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You know when I was in nepal, all I worried about was school. I lived and ate for school.
But it was not out of interest, it was out of the society. The society, specifically my
mom, was pushing me/us to eat and sleep academia. Now thats exactly what I did.

Now when I moved from Nepal to America, in 1998, everything changed. It was the first
time I saw snow in my life. I felt like I was in a different world. Now fast forward,
another society was in effect, compared to my last one. Now although academia was
influenced, it was not so heavily influenced as before for me. Now to me, it felt like
popularity and labels was more influenced. Fast forward to now. I realize how much
society has effected me. I realized how much it influenced on what type of friends I had,
or what type of activities I did. For example, because I lived in a neighborhood where
basketball was popular, I am now a very good basketball player. So I really don't know
where I am going with this thread. I felt like I just wanted to tell the world how much
the society that one is placed in really matters. It doesn't hit you how much it matters,
until you witnessed it your self. I would have never though in my life that I would go
out and drink/smoke/and go clubbing with friends. I would have never found out about
jesus as well because that wasn't advocated in Nepal. So I don't know whether to thank
the society for helping me find Jesus or hate them for corrupting me. I don't know if its
because I am baked or whatever, but I ask you how much has society changed you? And do
you have anything to share?

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Last Post by alan145
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  • 2
    Dani 1,638   6 Years Ago

    Born and raised in/around New York City. I was very school-focused growing up. I am not into the club scene. I don't drink or smoke. Never have. Never will. Read More

  • [QUOTE=iamthwee;1325970]>So knowing that, what do you think I should say? Do you even need to ask? If you want to be with her or just want to be her friend what you need do is EXACTLY the SAME... Yes, that's right. It's exactly the same. You act and speak to … Read More

  • 1
    diafol 3,669   6 Years Ago

    Awww. Makes me feel all gooey. Read More

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Nobody can force you to get "baked" and no one can force you to post when you are "baked". There are plenty of "crowds" out there that don't drink, smoke, or go out clubbing, and plenty that do. Now that you are an adult, you can pick your own crowd. Chances are that if everyone in your crowd drinks, you will too, so if you don't want to, find a different one. Same with Jesus. Pick whatever religion you want. There's peer pressure everywhere, but again what that peer pressure is depends on the crowd you hang with. You were a kid in Nepal, plus I don't know how many options there are there, but as a young adult here in the U.S., particularly in college, there is so much going on that there is almost certainly a crowd to your liking, perhaps several. You are now past the point whee society can force you to do something, though obviously there are norms to be aware of, and you violate them at your own risk. if you don't like academia/college, drop out. It's not for everyone. Best of luck.

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Born and raised in/around New York City. I was very school-focused growing up. I am not into the club scene. I don't drink or smoke. Never have. Never will.

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It's clear that your environment supplies you with the raw materials for the choices you make, but it's a cop-out to go from that to the assumption that your choices are determined by your environment. Ultimately, you're going to live the life made up of your choices and other people's responses to those choices, plus some assorted randomness. The only thing you can really control in that is your choices - what will you give people to respond to? How prepared will you be for the thing that you didn't see coming? Where will your choices land you?

Thank people for things they give you, it's a polite thing to do and it makes them happy to do nice things for you, and it feels good. Hating people seldom brings you anything you want, and it's a lot of work. If you have a choice in the matter, consider how much you really want to carry that around with you.

There you go, free advice. Worth every penny.

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I wish I was 'pushed' when I was younger I have to work twice as hard as the next guy just keep up. Lay off the drinking and smoking man you definitely don't need it. Better to strive for something constructive. If academia isn't for you like that other guy said drop out. To me knowledge is very important--I pore over books and watch 'how-to' videos on every subject that fascinates me. Some don't have the luxury of academia. Good luck sounds like your in for a tough ride.

You know when I was in nepal, all I worried about was school. I lived and ate for school.
But it was not out of interest, it was out of the society. The society, specifically my
mom, was pushing me/us to eat and sleep academia. Now thats exactly what I did.

Now when I moved from Nepal to America, in 1998, everything changed. It was the first
time I saw snow in my life. I felt like I was in a different world. Now fast forward,
another society was in effect, compared to my last one. Now although academia was
influenced, it was not so heavily influenced as before for me. Now to me, it felt like
popularity and labels was more influenced. Fast forward to now. I realize how much
society has effected me. I realized how much it influenced on what type of friends I had,
or what type of activities I did. For example, because I lived in a neighborhood where
basketball was popular, I am now a very good basketball player. So I really don't know
where I am going with this thread. I felt like I just wanted to tell the world how much
the society that one is placed in really matters. It doesn't hit you how much it matters,
until you witnessed it your self. I would have never though in my life that I would go
out and drink/smoke/and go clubbing with friends. I would have never found out about
jesus as well because that wasn't advocated in Nepal. So I don't know whether to thank
the society for helping me find Jesus or hate them for corrupting me. I don't know if its
because I am baked or whatever, but I ask you how much has society changed you? And do
you have anything to share?

0

I really don't know what to say. I just need to stop with all this smoking and drinking. Actually its only this summer that I started. And its because of the friends I hanged out with this summer. When school starts again, I'm probably gonna be back to normal. And there is no way I would want to drop out of college. I am doing too good and have worked too hard to stop. I just need to do some soul searching or something.

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I didn't mean to come off like I was preaching, but I've been there, done that, gone fishing. People tried to tell me but I didn't hear a thing they said. This is just a suggestion, change the crowd you hang with; better yet make it a one-man "crowd". Its good to have friends but in reality most people can count their true friends on one hand minus a thumb. Life is hard and "civilization" is not much different from the wilds of say Africa or Australia. Pull back that thin veneer and we all play the same roles that are played out in the jungle. Pull yourself up and do what you know deep down is right. Try to better your situation but don't hurt others doing it. Now I'm preaching, I guess:$ If you got to talk about it talk away, it's been said that we give away half our load when we open up to another (whatever that "another" is is up to debate I guess). Keep trudging(look trudging up even though you know what it means)

Oh, by the way, what is your interest? Mine is native Win32/64 C/C++ programming with a little C#. Moving into web development.

I really don't know what to say. I just need to stop with all this smoking and drinking. Actually its only this summer that I started. And its because of the friends I hanged out with this summer. When school starts again, I'm probably gonna be back to normal. And there is no way I would want to drop out of college. I am doing too good and have worked too hard to stop. I just need to do some soul searching or something.

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>>Its good to have friends but in reality most people can count their true friends on one hand minus a thumb.

Yes I know. The hard part is that the friends you thought were true might not be. So its not really easy to judge. I have had friends I thought that I would know them for the rest of my life, but as time went on, we went our separate ways because of circumstances.

>>Pull yourself up and do what you know deep down is right
I am trying. Its soo easy to sin, but its 100 times harder to do the right thing.

>>Keep trudging(look trudging up even though you know what it means)

Lol,English may not be my first language, but I know most general words.

>>h, by the way, what is your interest? Mine is native Win32/64 C/C++ programming with a little C#. Moving into web development.

There is a little about me section in my daniweb profile. But generally, I am a
C++ programmer, with a little Java, and a little web developement. And Yes I know,
Java isn't that good compared to C#, at least from what I hear.

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Whatever works for you (referring to Java) if you like it go with it but always keep up with the "in" technologies, you know the ones that are going to be here for a while and that will create job openings;)

as far as trudging, it means moving steadily towards a purpose or goal; like how we trudge the road of life: slowly but always moving forward towards that goal (whatever that may be for someone). That was an oversimplification but I think you got it. And I wasn't trying to insult you when I said to look it up, I apologize if I did, I just wanted you to see the 'towards a goal' part.

Hey, I've been there, you know, using drugs, drinking. I have to fight everyday to do next right thing. Are you familiar with Buddhism? You are from Tibet, right? I love that as a philosophy. And if Jesus is your God then that's good. To me, a higher power is important even if you it doesn't exist. Simply believing in something greater than yourself can bring comfort. I am a Christian but I am not even sure if I believe Jesus is even factual. I'm probably insulting many right now--forgive me but this is just my belief you don't have to share it or like it but please respect it (e.g. me).

I'm not familiar enough with Java to make a decision about how 'good' it is but I think Microsoft kind of smothered Sun Micro...whatever that company is and took up the lion's share in the market for platform independent apps. Java compiles to "Byte Code" and .NET (C#, C++ managed, VB.net) compile to MSIL (Microsoft Intermediate Language). You see? Same concept. But Microsoft has the resources to out-maneuver the competition in the marketplace and in technical areas. probably 85% of computers (I'm using an arbitrary number its not factual) run Windows so why not use a Microsoft product to build apps for it?

Just a thought...

I'm very happy your doing better keep up the good work. Make your family proud of you. And have some self-pride and self-worth. Everyone on this planet deserves a fair shake...if they don't do anything with...

Edited by keithbadeau: n/a

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>>atever works for you (referring to Java) if you like it go with it but always keep up with the "in" technologies, you know the ones that are going to be here for a while and that will create job openings

Yea thats good advices. I try to learn more and more about programming everyday. Its at the point where I might be obsessed.

>>as far as trudging, it means moving steadily towards a purpose or goal; like how we trudge the road of life: slowly but always moving forward towards that goal (whatever that may be for someone). That was an oversimplification but I think you got it. And I wasn't trying to insult you when I said to look it up, I apologize if I did, I just wanted you to see the 'towards a goal' part.

Lol, I guess you didn't get my last post. Don't worry I know what it meant. And thank you for being so kind.

>>Hey, I've been there, you know, using drugs, drinking. I have to fight everyday to do next right thing. Are you familiar with Buddhism? You are from Tibet, right? I love that as a philosophy. And if Jesus is your God then that's good. To me, a higher power is important even if you it doesn't exist. Simply believing in something greater than yourself can bring comfort. I am a Christian but I am not even sure if I believe Jesus is even factual. I'm probably insulting many right now--forgive me but this is just my belief you don't have to share it or like it but please respect it (e.g. me).

Not exactly from tibet, from kathmandu,nepal. And I am a christian. Although, I'm not sure If I believe in the bible, I do believe in Jesus, and at the very least, a higher being.

>>I'm very happy your doing better keep up the good work. Make your family proud of you. And have some self-pride and self-worth. Everyone on this planet deserves a fair shake...if they don't do anything with...
Thanks a lot, really. Everything I do, is for my family. I try to work hard so later on, my family gets the nice life that they so badly deserve. They are the best to me, and I can't ask for anything better. I always thank god for that.

Hey thanks for the talk man, you are a genuine person. Wish you the best of luck as well.

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Its easy to give advice

It's clear that your environment supplies you with the raw materials for the choices you make, but it's a cop-out to go from that to the assumption that your choices are determined by your environment. Ultimately, you're going to live the life made up of your choices and other people's responses to those choices, plus some assorted randomness. The only thing you can really control in that is your choices - what will you give people to respond to? How prepared will you be for the thing that you didn't see coming? Where will your choices land you?

Thank people for things they give you, it's a polite thing to do and it makes them happy to do nice things for you, and it feels good. Hating people seldom brings you anything you want, and it's a lot of work. If you have a choice in the matter, consider how much you really want to carry that around with you.

There you go, free advice. Worth every penny.

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So you're worried about drinking and smoking? Why? Going overboard? Everything in moderation fP.
I drink, sometimes a little too much when I watch the rugby, but so what? I don't smoke, well only when I've drunk too much. I still work hard, raise a family and am at peace with myself. I jacked one bad habit though - that religious stuff - you gotta get that monkey off your back mate - clouds your mind and turns you into a Stepford Wife. Now that's frightening.

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I'm not blinded by religion, my friend, far from it. The principles, trying to be a decent person is what I'm talking about. If you want to drink and smoke weed or whatever and it doesn't interfere with your life or anyone else's, more power to you. But when I see someone who admits he's having trouble with it well I know what he's talking about. Not everybody can do it in moderation. I see you got insulted I have a feeling its a bit more when you watch "rugby"? You just had to justify your actions to me when I wasn't talking to you. Get the monkey off your back, mate

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Steady on, Keith, Ardav wasn't talking to you any more than you were talking to him. He was talking to the poster, just as you were. Apparently he thinks that the "Jesus" part of firstPerson's life could be problematic. Easy to give advice, as you noted. It's the seeker's job to sort out the advice he gets and work out what he can use and what he should discard - that part's not your affair.

Edited by jon.kiparsky: n/a

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Hey guys there is no point to get edgey here. Listen, I really don't have a habbit of drinking and smoking. I am just admitting that I do, do those things, even if its not that frequently, and I wanted to stop, but sometimes, I just can't stop. Its not the urge, but it maybe the peer pressure. Its really hard to explain without talking to someone face to face. I mean, I haven't smoked or drank for a while until this summer.
Now I am hoping school will help me set my self straight and I will.

@ardav: Religion doesn't cloud my mind. In fact, its the total opposite. It helps me do the right thing and helps me to follow the correct path. It clears up my mind and helps me realize the things I am doing wrong. Although, I respect your decision to not think of god in the way I do, I ask you to clear your mind and respect others beliefs.

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Haha ... I LOL'ed hard. 'You need to do some soul searching?' Now where have I heard that line before?

Tell me what soul searching can a 20 something year old kid do? Why are you SO bothered? So your mom tells you, 'Hey ...go get your academia sorted ... be good, don't do drugs or drink. Treat girls with respect, they don't value the drinking and stuff.'

Your Bible (I'm Catholic by the way) tells you the same thing. Yet here you are, with a broken heart cos your girl left you. Here you are fighting not to do drink and do drugs? WHY? What's soooo wrong with having a little fun, goofing around and enjoying life?

What exactly are YOU trying correct?

Why not simply ENJOY your life. Take the little sh*t-tests life throws at you, turn around and say that it has made you a more rounded person. WHY follow the preachings in a book mindlessly without true thought or meditation?

You spray around these 'Jesus' terms without true thought and ASSUME you're doing wrong. This is hilarious? (Remember I'm Catholic as well, I believe in a higher being just as much as you.)

So what?? A bit of American society has rubbed off on you. This is GOOOD. You are shaping your character. I'm not gonna sit here and patronize you kiddo. I'm probably not much older than you. But if you wanna do some soul searching. Ponder this for a good week...

"Two hands clap and there is a sound, what is the sound of one hand?"

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@iamthwee - my sentiments exactly (but without the Jeshua bit).

@keithbadone - chill out mate, you'll give yourself a hernia. Like jon said, I wasn't talking to you - I was intentionally ignoring you. Doh!

@fP - My mind is clear. I can't and won't respect any superstitious claptrap. You want to bang on about your little saviour? Fine. You said you had a problem - my advice was to drop your biggest problem. You don't like the advice, you don't have to take it. I couldn't give a flying fig mate.

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>>Haha ... I LOL'ed hard. 'You need to do some soul searching?' Now where have I heard that line before?

Lol, thats funny. I couldn't think of no other word.

>>@fP - My mind is clear. I can't and won't respect any superstitious claptrap. You want to bang on about your little saviour? Fine. You said you had a problem - my advice was to drop your biggest problem. You don't like the advice, you don't have to take it. I couldn't give a flying fig mate

Point take, although, I'm not sure whats a flying fig is.


Anyways, there is much I want to say, but I'll restrain myself from saying. Thanks everyone.

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Point take, although, I'm not sure whats a flying fig is.

That's what we in the writing business call a euphemism. There's another monosyllabic word that sounds a lot like "fig" (initial f, final velar consonant, different vowel in the middle) which we don't use in polite company. Why "flying"? Alliteration, mostly. And the imagery, I suppose. A trapeze always comes to mind, for me.

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@fP

I'm sorry - was a bit strong with that - manners cost nothing. I'm a fundamental atheist and get riled for no good reason. Like your avatar though - are you a closet Darwinian?

Edited by diafol: n/a

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@fP

I'm sorry - was a bit strong with that - manners cost nothing. I'm a fundamental atheist and get riled for no good reason. Like your avatar though - are you a closet Darwinian?

I'm really not sure. I try not to let things like that worry me to much. It really doesn't concern me that much. I'm have much more things to worry about. Maybe one day, I will sit back in my rocking chair on my porch next to my wife, while I grow older, and contemplate on life, universe, and god. Until, that day arise, I try not to get lost in too many thoughts, although I fail sometimes.

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LOL firstperson you think too much. . . Period. You could actually have everything right here right now! The girl, the life style the grades. . . But wait. You think too much. You thought too much when you wanted to treat your girl like a princess. You think too much when you're out having a drink or smoke. Stop thinking, breath. Run with it. Feel free to pm me if you want some some guidance. Spiritual or otherwise.

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Aww...man, your too funny wee. Today I seen "her" in like 3 of my classes. She was looking damn cute. I don't know what to do.

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Firstperson let me ask you a question. If you have a broken arm where do you go? Do you go to the doctor to the vet or to the supermarket? The answer should be easy shouldn't it? You are the guy with the broken arm but you are going to the vets and supermarket to get it sorted. This is ridiculous right? You're broken hearted so you do more drugs, then you turn to god. What is the real issue here? It's ok to admit that it might just be the girl. Last time we spoke i suggested a plan. I'm placing 2 to 1 odds that you didn't do anything to help your situation. I bet you just went more into yourself smoked a bit more pot then went to ask god for forgiveness. This is not a plan. This girl is pretty simple. She left you because she ended up having to play the male role in your relationship. She probably feels like a slut for what she did, that's why she wanted to talk to you. Your goal is pretty simple. Simply treat this girl like your little bratty sister. Why are you acting like a scorned little girl and ignoring her. It does nothing for you or her. When you see her next go up to her and speak to her. I bet she'll be sorry. Then just suggest something fun to do, if your goal is to get her alone and get her back. When you're alone make sure you run the fuking show. Again either way. It's your life. Why are you letting some little girly geek dictate your life?? Go to the mirror pull down your pants. Let's pray you find something other than a moist vagina down there.

Votes + Comments
Go on iam, don't hold back - best damn advice I've heard yet !
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Firstperson let me ask you a question. If you have a broken arm where do you go? Do you go to the doctor to the vet or to the supermarket? The answer should be easy shouldn't it? You are the guy with the broken arm but you are going to the vets and supermarket to get it sorted. This is ridiculous right? You're broken hearted so you do more drugs, then you turn to god. What is the real issue here? It's ok to admit that it might just be the girl. Last time we spoke i suggested a plan. I'm placing 2 to 1 odds that you didn't do anything to help your situation. I bet you just went more into yourself smoked a bit more pot then went to ask god for forgiveness. This is not a plan. This girl is pretty simple. She left you because she ended up having to play the male role in your relationship. She probably feels like a slut for what she did, that's why she wanted to talk to you. Your goal is pretty simple. Simply treat this girl like your little bratty sister. Why are you acting like a scorned little girl and ignoring her. It does nothing for you or her. When you see her next go up to her and speak to her. I bet she'll be sorry. Then just suggest something fun to do, if your goal is to get her alone and get her back. When you're alone make sure you run the fuking show. Again either way. It's your life. Why are you letting some little girly geek dictate your life?? Go to the mirror pull down your pants. Let's pray you find something other than a moist vagina down there.

Ahaha, your post gets funnier and funnier every time I read it. Listen man, I do have balls, if you want I can upload a picture just for you to see, maybe even make it animate for you. Anyways, I'm not trying to get back with her. I know that if I do, it will never be the same. And trust me, if I wanted I would go back with her I would. But I'm trying not to.

And BTW, I am not sure why I am going to the vet or the supermarket. I recently went to the doctor that knew exactly what I felt, and she gave me some really good advice. Although, I'm not cured completely, it definitely made me feel better.

So all in all, this is what I'm going to do. I am not going to talk to her. I am going to get over her. And if it happens that we get back to together later on in life then so be it. Until then, I'm not gonna stress out. I'm gonna study/eat/workout and some occasional parties with friends once a while.

Edited by firstPerson: n/a

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LOL firstPerson why don't you drop your ego. Do you REALISE your posts kinda contradict each other. At one point you say she looks damn cute and in another you say you are TRYING not to get back with her. If you didn't want to get back with her you wouldn't have to try would you?

It's OK to admit that she hurt you and you'd damn well love to hit that again. Why are you trying to hide this fact on some forum amongst a group of random internet strangers??

Look at what you wrote above. There is a lot of "I this ... I that" spotted everywhere. This is your ego. LET ... IT ... GO.

You know very well that the reason you don't want to talk to her is to protect your EGO. You also know that it is a very self destructive thing to do.

When you are fully aware of this point, this is when you elevate yourself into a state of full consciousness. You fully accept that THIS is the way it is and there are no excuses. This is goooood because NO-THING can get to you.

Once you have made this REALIZATION you a free to move on. If you want to hit on her again you can... If you don't, you don't because NOW it is YOUR choice.

You may not realise this now, but this girl could still be yours. Everything you have is at your disposal to make this girl yours again. It is just your EGO which is blocking your way.

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Whooaah. What THIS??

I recently went to the doctor that knew exactly what I felt, and she gave me some really good advice. Although, I'm not cured completely, it definitely made me feel better.

Did you get a case of the clap or what? Holy Cow, I wouldn't want to get back with her either, old skank. If you do, make sure you got a bottle of penicillin handy.

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Whooaah. What THIS??

Did you get a case of the clap or what? Holy Cow, I wouldn't want to get back with her either, old skank. If you do, make sure you got a bottle of penicillin handy.

Lol, no. And actually, for some reason, I take offense that you call her that. And would appreciate it if you don't call her a skank.

The above quote was a metaphor. I was replying to iamthewee's metaphor, in a metaphorical manner.

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>>At one point you say she looks damn cute and in another you say you are TRYING not to get back with her. If you didn't want to get back with her you wouldn't have to try would you?

Because I said she looked cute does not mean I want to get back with her. And I do not want to get back with her, even though I might feel like I want to. I know that sentence contradicts itself, but I hope you know what I mean.

>>It's OK to admit that she hurt you and you'd damn well love to hit that again

I hereby admit to daniweb and all its members, that she did hurt me, and it still hurts, and I damn well do want to hit that again. But believe me when I say, I am restraining myself. I know that if we go back out, I'm gonna have trust issues. And
its not that easy for me to be a player like person, because of how I grew up. Although, I probably could.

>>You know very well that the reason you don't want to talk to her is to protect your EGO. You also know that it is a very self destructive thing to do.

I agree. My ego is hurt.

>>You may not realise this now, but this girl could still be yours. Everything you have is at your disposal to make this girl yours again. It is just your EGO which is blocking your way

Actually, as of right now, I am totally confused.


And BTW: Right now, I am trying to talk to another girl. Hoping she will help me forget about my ex. Hopefully it works.

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