3.5 bn people on this planet live on less than two dollars a day. I wish my wife was one of them.

Granted but then you were paid the wages of those 3.5 billion people.

I wish I had breasts.

Erm... granted? your now a female...

I wish i had 8 legs.

granted you get tuened into a spider.

i wish i could take a long holiday

granted... you were never to be found!

I wish i was an element

Granted but you won't be discovered for another 4000 years.

I wish I had a pet monkey.

Granted. Gives you a stuffed animal.
I wish I had more time in the day.

Granted but then you'll have more to do too!

I wish I could sleep more.

Granted you'll be asleep for years on end now and your new name will be Rip Van Winkle. Your arch nemesis is now the Sandman and while asleep you'll be dreaming of watching recurring ads of the Home Shopping Network not being able to buy a thing because you had maxed out your credit card.
(Did I go overboard too much? XD)

I wish I could play guitar better.

Granted but you're so good that everyone grows to hate you and you loose all your fans.

I wish i could control what people say

Granted, they're all speaking in Yiddish.

I wish I could get out of this HTML5 funk!

Granted, but now you miss it so you start again...

I wishI could see everthing...

Granted, but others know of your ability of vision and you end up seeing too much crime and you are marked as a target by the government because you witnessed something you shouldn't of.
I wish I could finish this computer build already.

Granted but as you celebrate its finish, it doesn't work.

I wish my work would do itself!

Granted but it does itself all wrong and doesn't let you edit it

If wish I could control all of the electicity control panels in the world with my mind

Granted, but all your teeth must first turn blue.

I wish running water would learn to walk.

Granted, but then it would walk right into you and attack you (meaning you will drown)

I wish I could use a Jedi mind trick

Granted. The Storm Troopers allow you and your Gungan padawan to pass unharmed.
I wish I could forget Emo Vader's "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..."
(Honestly, if Lucas had saved that catharsis just seconds before the mask went on, I would broken down in manly tears.)

Granted. Then you have to talk like it forever and everyone thinks you're strange.

I wish I could breathe underwater as well as on land.

Granted, but when you try to breathe underwater for the first time you swallow "pollution concentrate" (a mixture of

  1. oil
  2. manure
  3. fish guts
  4. tomato seeds
  5. live crabs
  6. an old boot

) and you never go underwater again.

I wish I could manipulate the growth of plants.

granted: but the plants that you wanted to grow super fast were taking all resources that a plant need so no more plant growth
I wish I could program graphics and other stuff you need on app programming in C

Granted, but your graphics always change color to be the least favorite colors of the person using your program so they uninstall it immediately.

I wish I could hypnotize people.

Oh ya let's say it's granted, but you get bored from people you hypnotized you make them back to normal
I REALLY WISH TO MAKE A GAME PROGRAM (A PLATFORMER GAME) WHERE YOU KILL ENEMIES AND BOSSES, IT WILL HAVE LOTS OF LEVELS AND CHARACTERS WILL HAVE NORMAL AND SPECIAL ABILITIES AND YOU CAN UPGRADE THEM IN C (IF NOT POSSIBLE, THEN IN C++ OR IF POSSIBLE TO MAKE IT ONLINE, THEN IT'S GONNA BE ONLINE AND I WILL STILL WANT THIS EVEN THOUGH YOU RUIN IT!!!!!!

Granted, but nobody uses it and it just slowly dies and fails heehee

I wish I could silence people whenever I want.

Granted: but then there is a painful squeal that persists in your ears until someone hugs you, and you live in a commune of armless humanoids that never shutup, speak a different language and have no compassion.

I wish I could buy Google

Granted: surprise surprise, it says in the contract "Gogle" and you didn't notice, you my friend just bought a small plumber company in mexico.. congratulation

I wish to be a mentalist

Granted - You are able to read minds and you have advanced stages of alzheimer's disease, sorry, by now you must be so confused...

I wish I had a wireless link between my brain and computers

Granted. You're at an important business meeting when...

Finish your Degree from Home!

<close window>

8uy CH34P PR3$C21PT10N M3D$ FR0M C4N4D4

<close window>

LOOKING FOR A BRIDE FROM A COUNTRY YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF? LOOK NO FURTHER!

<close window>

INCREASE YOUR MANHOOD NOW!

<close window>

Are you sure you want to navigate away?

"I'm sorry I'm boring you. Would you like to sit out the rest of the meeting in my office?"

I wish the above poster had a wireless link between his brain and computers. (I know, that's just cruel.)

Granted. He joins a rival team at your local pub quiz.

I wish pigs could fly.

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