"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." - Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989
Mine was already taken, so here are a couple of loftovers.
Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, "It is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver. Babe Ruth
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. Lyndon B. Johnson
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. Paul Hornung
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not. L. Mencken
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. Benjamin Franklin
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. Dave Barry
One night at Cheers, Cliff Clavin explained the "Buffalo theory" to his buddy Norm: "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine! That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
If one person says that you are you a pig, that's because he hates you.
If two persons say that you are a pig, that's because they made a pact against you.
If three persons say that you are a pig, than beter start oinking.
Better to snuff one candle than curse the light <I made this one up when MUDding a decade or so ago>
Sufficiently advanced incompetence is indistinguishable from malice. <I used to know who came up with this on A.F.U. but over the years, i lost his name - if you have never tried UseNet check out rec.humor.funny.d and Alt.foklore.urban>