I think we need to define some basic keywords
all new
Not compatible with earlier versions.
computer expert:
Someone who has not read the instructions, but who will nevertheless feel qualified to install a program and, when it does not function correctly, pronounce it incompatible with the operating system.
clicklexia
A disorder often suffered by novice computer users in which they have a tendency to double-click on items which only require one click, often resulting in two items opening instead of just one.
egosurfing
Typing your own name into google to see who’s talking about you.
FAQ
Frequently Avoided Questions. A company's attempt to answer commonly asked questions such as, "How do I get technical support?"
feature
A hardware limitation, as described by a marketing representative.
flow chart
A graphic representation of a bowl of spaghetti.
freelance
To collect unemployment.
hardware
The parts of a computer which can be kicked.
inbox
A catch basin for everything you don't want to deal with, but are afraid to throw away.
instruction manual
An explanation of how to use something written in a way that is easily understood only by the author.
mouse
An input device designed to make computer errors easier to generate.
Windows
The most expensive way of generating suicidal tendency in yourself.
UNIX
Software designed to make people who don't like Windows feel special
Mac
Hardware/software for people who sleep on a bed of money
password
Series of letters and numbers written on a post-it note and stuck on a monitor.
recursive
See recursive.
search engine
A program that enables computer users to locate information and advertisers to locate computer users.
telecrastination
The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.
File
A document that has been saved with an unidentifiable name. It helps to think of a file as something stored in a file cabinet - except when you try to remove the file, the cabinet gives you an electric shock and tells you the file format is unknown.
Printer
A joke in poor taste. A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
Users
Collective term for those who stare vacantly at a monitor. Users are divided into three types: novice, intermediate and expert.
* Novice Users - People who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer.
* Intermediate Users - People who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it.
* Expert Users - People who break other people's computers.
And a quick guide to version control and naming
Alpha
Software undergoes alpha testing as a first step in getting user feedback. Alpha is Latin for "doesn't work."
Beta
Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. Beta is Latin for "still doesn't work." It is worth noting that "Release 1.0" can also be translated as "still doesn't work but rent was due".
Release Candidate
Still doesn't work but no-one in management uses it so they will never know
