Government Labels I like To See

[Lardmeister]

You know that our government's answer to any problem is to attach a label. Just look at your next bottle of beer, wine or stuffed pillow.

The latest news item is a complaint by the association of blind people, that their constituents have a hard time hearing those Hybrid Cars on the road, and are in danger of being overrun.

I like to help our hard working government staff with this suggested label to be attached to every hybrid car:
"Open all windows and turn your radio to full volume when driving!"

No doubt, you yourself can help your government too, and give us a helpful label suggestion.

[lasher511]

Why should the blind people even care? They should really only be crossing the road in places like traffic lights and zebra crossings anyway. Cars are required to stop at zebra crossings and traffic lights have a tone when it is safe to cross.

[jwenting]

yah, the noise is there for the deaf, the light for the blind.

Anything the government "produces" (iow, makes available internally or externally in its organisations) should carry a label mentioning the exact cost in tax money of the item.
This should extend from sachets of coffee creamer in the canteen to vehicles and buildings.

[lasher511]

Why?

[jwenting]

to install some sense of what the government is actually spending on things into its own staff.
They spend tax money like water as it is, not caring for the cost of things. The $10.000 cupholder story from the USAF may have been made up, but the phenomenon is real.
I've spent some time working for a government department myself (as an outside contractor) and we (all the contractors) were amazed at the terrible waste going on.
Things being bought just to get rid of money, then stored somewhere until depreciated before being disposed of. Things being thrown away that were perfectly usable, things being purchased for no reason whatsoever, purchases made to the highest bidder on the premise that the most expensive must automatically be the best, etc. etc. etc.

Just one example I heard from a coworker: late one year the organisation noted they would run a surplus of some €100.000.
To prevent their budget from being cut by that amount for the next year they ordered for €200.000 (to create a deficit and thus a budget increase...) in brand new computer equipment they didn't need.
That equipment was never put to use (not even to replace existing older equipment, as that would have defeated the purpose of the exercise (instead on the budget for the next year another several hundred thousand in identical equipment was budgetted), but stored in the original shrinkwrap and boxes in a basement.
3 years later (the time for depreciation of computers) the computers, still in their packing material, never used, were sent to a garbage incinerator (computer equipment can't be dumped or resold for security reasons, never mind it had never been used).

Things like that happen every year in almost every government department around the world.
And to the people working there (well, most of them) it's perfectly normal, the way things are supposed to work.

[vegaseat]

Interesting story jwenting, so what kind of government label should be attached to each government purchase order (or employee) to prevent this waste?

[lasher511]

That sort of thing is quite bad i agree but usually spending all your budget so that they don't cut it is common practice in almost ever organisation. They tend to use the things they buy with this surplus. w

[computerlady200]

Goernment labels -hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm - how about one for each congressional person who has the golden fleece program???????? What would it say?

[Lardmeister]

Goernment labels -hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm - how about one for each congressional person who has the golden fleece program???????? What would it say?

How about "Licensed to steal!"

Just like we should attach a label "Licensed to Kill!" to every Blackwater guard or one of those Australian guards.

[lasher511]

What Australian Guards?

[Lardmeister]

What Australian Guards?

Just happend in Iraq, this time it wasn't Blackwater, but fellows working for an Australian company. They were riding convoy and bullet-riddled two innocent Christian woman in an Oldsmobile.

[lasher511]

Im probably just a nub but i have not heard anything about this or what blackwater is.

[Lardmeister]

These guys are heavily armed foreign mercenaries that pretty much behave like the Mafia. They escort US, British or Australian civilian government convoys, and shoot at pretty much anything they don't like.

[computerlady200]

Yup excellent!!!!!!!!!!!!

[computerlady200]

Licensed to steal is very good. Hilliary the Hog should have one on her forehead as well as her rear end too

[sickly_man]

yah, the noise is there for the deaf, the light for the blind.

you sure bout that one buddy?

[jwenting]

Licensed to steal is very good. Hilliary the Hog should have one on her forehead as well as her rear end too

Shrillary Rodham Antichrist is the most fitting I've heard her called so far.

[Ene Uran]

Shrillary Rodham Antichrist is the most fitting I've heard her called so far.

I assume there are silly names like this for all presidential candidates. I really don't like her, but I don't like any of the other trash neither. Looks like the whole choice is going to leave the voters in a tipsy lurch come election day. Thank God, we have the Electoral College to elect our leader.

Most likely label to apply to these characters:
"Careful! Loves torture, destroys opposing countries, stuffs pockets, hates truth, spies on citizens, does anything to get elected!"

[Aia]

I assume there are silly names like this for all presidential candidates.

No. Only to her.

[lasher511]

I think there is always going to be funny distinguisings freatures for any politician that starts to make a name for themself. Wether that is a funny name that sounds like theirs or physical appearance that can be exploited in a characature. For example our prime minister has very "extreme" eyebrows and a very frog like voice.

(i know i probably spelt some words wrong there but i really can't be assed fixing it.)

[Lardmeister]

I think one Clinton is enough, and wish we would have set the rule with Bush too!

I am not quite sure why US presidents always have such simple sounding (mostly English) names?

Suggested label:
"One President per family only!"

[MidiMagic]

Here are some:

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER, BUT POLITICIANS WON'T SHUT UP!

CAUTION: GOVERNMENT MAY BE HAZARDOUS TO YOUR WEALTH

DON'T LIE. IT'S ILLEGAL TO IMPERSONATE A POLITICIAN.

DON'T STEAL. IT'S ILLEGAL TO COMPETE WITH GOVERNMENT.

BE SURE YOU HAVE PAID YOUR 72 PERCENT TO GOVERNMENT

DANGER: STRESS FROM TOO MUCH GOVERNMENT CAUSES OBESITY.

CAUTION: GOVERNMENT ID NUMBERS CAUSE IDENTITY THEFT.

THE ONLY POLITICIANS I WOULD VOTE FOR ARE THE ONES WHO DON'T WANT TO RUN FOR OFFICE.

CAUTION: HIGH TAXATION DESTROYS JOBS.

WARNING: THE LATEST GOVERNMENT-REQUIRED OBESITY SOLUTION CAUSES DIARRHEA.

WARNING: DON'T VOTE FOR CONSERVATIVES. THEY CAUSE SANITY.

CAUTION: THIRD PARTY CANDIDATES BIAS THE ELECTION THE OTHER WAY.

DANGER: THE MINORITY WILL KEEP SUING UNTIL THEY WIN.

CAUTION: LAWYERS RUN THE NATION.

WASHINGTON DC. CAUTION: HOT AIR CAUSES GLOBAL WARMING

DO NOT REMOVE THIS NATIONAL IDENTITY NUMBER UNDER PENALTY OF LAW

OBEY DAYLIGHT SAVING TIME, EVEN THOUGH IT WASTES ENERGY

WARNING: GOVERNMENT HAS DESIGNED ELECTIONS SO THERE IS NO WAY TO VOTE FOR SMALLER GOVERNMENT.

CAUTION: YOU MUST VOTE FOR ONLY EXACTLY ONE CANDIDATE, OR YOUR VOTE DOESN'T COUNT

CAUTION: LAYMEN POLITICIANS PRACTICING TRAFFIC ENGINEERING WITHOUT A LICENCE

[jwenting]

I think one Clinton is enough, and wish we would have set the rule with Bush too!

And with Kennedy...

I am not quite sure why US presidents always have such simple sounding (mostly English) names?

most voters can't remember a name if it contains more than 2 syllables...

[bumsfeld]

I like to see the following label on my pillow:
"Under Penalty of Law this Tag not to be Removed!"

[jbennet]

I saw a funny label on my mattress once that had absolutely nothing on it apart from "DO NOT REMOVE THIS LABEL"

[harry truman]

The ultimate stupidity will be when government decides it is in our best interest and that of our "ailing planet" to require all products state their CARBON FOOTPRINT.

[Lardmeister]

Interesting concept, a "Carbon Footprint" label, maybe even in different colors depending on the danger. Next time I buy a Pepsi, I will look for it!

[bumsfeld]

The ultimate stupidity will be when government decides it is in our best interest and that of our "ailing planet" to require all products state their CARBON FOOTPRINT.

Maybe number of black footprint images covering the package, so that bag of charcoal would be totally covered.

[MidiMagic]

Maybe number of black footprint images covering the package, so that bag of charcoal would be totally covered.

First I want verified scientific PROOF that a carbon footprint is dangerous, before anybody puts out labels. All we have right now is political blather, bad science, and religious fervor from environmentalists.

[EnderX]

First I want verified scientific PROOF that a carbon footprint is dangerous, before anybody puts out labels. All we have right now is political blather, bad science, and religious fervor from environmentalists.

WHAT?!!! Are you crazy?! OF COURSE it's bad! The High Gore himself said so!...didn't he?

[Note: The preceding comment is intended only for humorous purposes, and does not reflect the views of the author.]