i'm as new to java as you could ever be.
how would i make a table that outputs the sides of a triangle, the perimeter, the angles, and the area?

A text based table? Or a GUI table? For the first use System.out.println() in a for loop to print your items to the screen, for the second, you can use a JTable and there are tutorials for that on google. In either case, if you are new to Java, you should look into one of our basic java tutorials stickied in this forum, because until you cover how to use methods and other topics, you won't get far.