I would like to do something like this:

readfilethingy("www.mywebsite.com/update.txt"); //fail

with update.txt being this:

3.4
http://www.newupdatedownloadlocation.com/

//OR just the http location

with the result being:

*user clicks on update button*
"NEW UPDATE IS AVAILABLE! :D"
*Clicks download*
*Download on .exe starts*

So, is it possible? I have searched and searched on google with no results...

See this post from over in C# land: http://www.daniweb.com/forums/post1129114.html#post1129114 . You'll have to translate the syntax of it to C++/CLI (M$ mungware per Salem :) ) but it'll be the same .NET functions from the System.Net namespace (HttpWebRequest/
HttpWebResponse). It was a similar problem to what you are working on.

Hmm...

I was unable to translate it to C++. Got any ideas? I used:

using namespace System::Net;

It came up as part of the default included references for me... (it's marked as a part of system.dll).

Right click on your project in the Solution Explorer, go to References, from there Add New Reference, on the .NET tab scroll down to System.Net. See if that gets it for you.