3

(They can't even spell Quiche)

from (I think) the April 1985 issue of DirecTions, the DEC inhouse magazine. This is an oldie, but a goodie.
________________________________________
Real Programmers...
• Don't eat quiche. Real programmers don't even know how to spell quiche. They like Twinkies, Coke, and palate-scorching Szechwan food.
• Don't write applications programs. They program right down to the bare metal. Applications programs are for dullards who can't do systems programming.
• Don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand and even harder to modify.
• Don't draw flowcharts. Flowcharts are, after all, the illiterate's form of documentation. Cavemen drew flowcharts; look how much it did for them.
• Don't use COBOL. COBOL is for wimpy applications programmers.
• Don't use FORTRAN. FORTRAN is for wimpy engineers who wear white socks, pipe stress freaks, and crystallography weenies. They get excited over finite state analysis and nuclear reactor simulations.
• Don't use LOGO. In fact <no> programmers use LOGO after puberty.
• Don't use APL unless the whole program can be written on one line.
• Don't use LISP. Only effeminate programmers use more parentheses than actual code.
• Don't use Pascal, BLISS, ADA, or any of those sissy-pinko computer science languages. Strong typing is a crutch for people with weak memories.
• Never work 9 to 5. If any are around at 9 a.m. it's because they were up all night.
• Don't play tennis or any other sport that requires a change of clothes. Mountain climbing is OK, though, and real programmers often wear climbing boots to work in case a mountain should suddenly spring up in the middle of the machine room.
• Don't like the team programming concept. Unless, of course, they are the Chief Programmer.
• Have no use for managers. Managers are a necessary evil. They are for dealing with personnel bozos, bean counters, senior planners, and other mental defectives.
• Don't drive around in clapped out mavericks. They prefer BMW's, Lincolns, or pick-up trucks with floor shifts. Fast motorcycles are highly regarded.
• Like vending machine popcorn. Coders pop it in the microwave oven. Real programmers use the heat given off by the CPU. They can tell what job is running just by listening to the rate the corn is popping.
• Know every nuance of every instruction and use them all in every real program. Puppy architects won't allow execute instructions to address another execute as the target instruction. Real programmers despise such petty restrictions.
• Don't bring brown bag lunches to work. If the vending machine sells it, they eat it. If the vending machine doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell quiche.
- Author Unknown

Votes + Comments
LOL! XD
Some of that is very very true :)
6
Contributors
9
Replies
10
Views
9 Years
Discussion Span
Last Post by bumsfeld
0

Vending Machines don't sell quiche.

That was a great read. Thanks for the laugh.

0

I just finished my keesh! Dropped some of it on my hiking boots.

Sorry to hear that! You spelled keesh wrong. I think it is supposed to be quieesh.

0

Awwright, if you're gonna get into the misspellings/mispronunciations, I gotta post this. You can substitute other characters, if you want.
~~~~~~
George Bush and Dick Cheney were at a fancy Washington restaurant...

The waitress approaches their table to take their order. She is young and very attractive. She asks Cheney what he wants, and he replies: "I'll have the heart-healthy salad."
"Very good, sir," she replies, and turning to Bush she asks, "And what do you want, Mr President?"
Bush answers: "How about a quickie?" Taken aback, the waitress slaps him and says: "I'm shocked and disappointed in you. I thought you were bringing in a new administration that was committed to high principles and morality. I'm sorry I voted for you."
With that, the waitress departed in a huff. Cheney leans over to Bush, and says: "Mr President, I believe that's pronounced quiche."

0

:-/ I have never tasted quiche...

It's a French dish, sort of like a pie with cheese, eggs, onions, spinach and so on. Can taste real good.

0

It's a French dish, sort of like a pie with cheese, eggs, onions, spinach and so on. Can taste real good.

It sounds yummy.....:)
I have to try and make it...will let you all know how it taste.....
:):):)

This topic has been dead for over six months. Start a new discussion instead.
Have something to contribute to this discussion? Please be thoughtful, detailed and courteous, and be sure to adhere to our posting rules.