Just an accumulation of funny news lines:

Governor Chiles Offers Rare Opportunity To Goose Hunters (The Tallahassee Democrat)

Gators To Face Seminoles With Peters Out (The Tallahassee Bugle)

Messiah Climaxes In Chorus Of Hallelujahs (The Anchorage, Alaska Times)

Textron Inc. Makes Offer To Screw Company Stockholders (The Miami Herald)

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say

Include Your Children When Baking Cookies (LA Times)

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms (NY Times)

Miners Refuse to Work After Death (WV Herald)

Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

The streets are safe in Philadelphia.
It's only the people who make them unsafe.

Death Causes Loneliness, Feeling Of Isolation

Hospitals Are Sued By 7 Foot Doctors

Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half

Nicaragua Sets Goal To Wipe Out Literacy

Stud Tires Out

Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

Ban On Soliciting Dead In Ogden