Breaking News: IBM Buys Linus Torvalds

khess 0 Tallied Votes 854 Views Share

IBM CEO, Samuel Palmisano, announced at 12:01 am EDT that IBM has completed the purchase of Linux kernel creator Linus Torvalds for $4.6 Billion in cash and stock. This unprecedented human purchase by a corporation is being met with shock and surprise within the Linux and IT communities. Palmisano said that IBM was the "highest bidder" in a bitter battle for Torvalds.

Ron Hovespian, Novell CEO, stopped bidding on behalf of Novell, Inc. at $2.6 Billion. "We just couldn't justify a higher price during these already stressful and uncertain times--even for someone as important as Linus Torvalds." Novell and Hovespian made an unsuccessful bid for Richard Stallman earlier this year.

Several closed door negotiations have been held over the past several months with Torvalds, his attorneys and representatives from IBM including Palmisano. Torvalds' attorney, Benjamin Drek of Drek, Kvetcher & Putz, said of the purchase, "We are pleased that an agreement was reached that was beneficial for all parties."

Palmisano said that Torvalds won't be employed by IBM but as his owner, he will be required to appear in IBM commercials and promotional materials. "He will be allowed to continue work on the Linux kernel, which incidentally, was part of IBM's purchase as well", said Palmisano.

Linus Torvalds, his assets and all intellectual property were purchased "in perpetuity" which means that IBM owns Torvalds, everything he creates (or will create) and his remains after his death. Palmisano said that "It's way too early to discuss such things (In response to a question regarding the disposition of Torvalds' remains after his death). Although this was an "as is" purchase, Linus is a young man and in reasonably good health. We hope to have him for a very long time."

Torvalds was not available at press time for comment and, according to Palmisano, is restricted from comment by his new owner, the IBM Corporation.

What do you think of large corporations purchasing people for their own gain? Do you think this is a violation of human rights regardless of price? Write back and let me know.

Dani AI

Generated

Short clarification tied to the thread: this was posted as an April Fools satire by (several replies, including and , noted the date and tone, and continued the joke). The claim that a corporation could "buy" a person outright is rhetorical — not a legal or technical reality.

Buying a human being is unlawful in the United States: the Thirteenth Amendment forbids slavery and involuntary servitude. (law.cornell.edu)

On the software side, the Linux kernel is distributed under the GNU GPL version 2, and its code base is the work of thousands of individual contributors — there is no single-owner switch you can flip by buying one person. Contributions to the kernel are handled via a sign-off (the Developer's Certificate of Origin) and contributors normally retain copyright to their submissions; the kernel’s license terms and contribution practices are documented in the kernel project. (docs.kernel.org)

Practical consequence: even if a company hired or contracted with Linus (or acquired some copyrights), that would not retroactively remove existing GPL obligations from code already released under the GPL, nor would it magically transfer ownership of everyone else’s contributions. The Linux trademark and its administration are separate matters (Linus Torvalds is the trademark owner and the Linux Foundation administers sublicensing). (copyleft.org)

Contextual note for readers finding this thread later: the item at the top is a prank; the real questions that matter are trademark, contributor copyright, licensing, and whether a developer is an employee or contractor (work-for-hire rules govern ownership of future works under copyright law). For those subjects the kernel docs, the Developer’s Certificate of Origin text, the GPL text, and the Linux Foundation guidance are the proper references. (docs.kernel.org)

Dani 5,664 The Queen of DaniWeb Administrator Featured Poster

Do they own the soul of his first born too?

khess 95 Practically a Master Poster

Well they are the "soul" owners apparently.

arathore 0 Newbie Poster

give me a break. isn't today april 1st?

Dani 5,664 The Queen of DaniWeb Administrator Featured Poster

Story was published a minute after midnight.

happygeek 2,411 Most Valuable Poster Team Colleague Featured Poster

Nice one Ken :-)

Thinka 40 Posting Whiz Team Colleague

Unbelievable! I didn't know IBM had that much money to spend!! :-p

lsatenstein 0 Newbie Poster

Well, it is 11 days later, and both Linus and IBM have agreed to an amicable separation. Linux gets a big behemoth z390 machine, which does compiles in a second or two, and IBM gets a lesson in dealing with sarcasm.

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