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Once a software engineer was signing an interview form for getting a job at a software company. He quickly filled in all his details including his name, age and qualification. But then, when he came to the last part, he saw the column "Salary Expected". He became confused, and thought for hours and finally came to a conclusion. He wrote:
"YES"

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Once a programmer drowned in the sea. Many Marines where at that time on the beach, but the programmer was shouting "F1 F1" and nobody understood it.

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Don't Marry a Computer Engineer

Husband : (Returning late from work) "Good Evening dear....I'm now logged in."
Wife: Have you brought the groceries?
Husband : Bad command or filename.
Wife: But I told you in the morning
Husband : Syntax Error. Abort?
Wife: What about my new TV?
Husband : Variable not found . . .
Wife: At least, give me your Credit Card, I want to do someshopping.
Husband : Sharing Violation. Access denied
Wife: Do you love me or do you only love computers or are you just being funny?
Husband : Too many parameters . . .
Wife: It was a great mistake that I married an idiot like you.
Husband : Data type mismatch.
Wife: You are useless.
Husband : It's by Default.
Wife: What about your Salary?
Husband : File in use . . . Try later.
Wife: What is my value in the family.
Husband : Unknown Virus.

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Law of Selective Gravity:
Any object will fall so as to do the most damage.

Jenning's Corollary:
The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

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Wife: "What ate you going to do today?"
Husband: "Nothing."
Wife: "That's what you did yesterday!"
Husband: "I wasn't finished."

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Did you know that Dolphins are so smart that after a short time in captivity they can train people to stand at the edge of the pool and feed them fish?

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The definition of a perfect summer day:
The sun is shining
A breeze is blowing
The birds are singing
The lawnmower is broken

Edited by vegaseat: n/a

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There is not now and never will be a language in which it is the least bit difficult to write bad programs.

"In C we had to code our own bugs. In C++ we can inherit them."

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A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always count
on the support of Paul. Of course Peter doesn't like it!

So the question is:

How can you run good government with a sore Peter?

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This guy walks into a bar down in Texas and orders a white wine.
Surprised, the bartender looks around and says "You ain't from
around here where you from, boy?"

The guy says, "I'm from Pennsylvania."

The bartender asks, "What do you do up in Pennsylvania?"

The guy responds, "I'm a taxidermist."

The bartender asks, "A taxidermist ... what the hell is a taxidermist?"

The guy says "I mount dead animals."

The bartender smiles and shouts to the whole bar, "It's OK boys, he's one of us!"

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A Politically Correct Christmas Greeting:

Best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most joyous traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, but with respect for the religious persuasion of others who choose to practice their own religion as well as those who choose not to practice a religion at all.

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A Politically Correct Christmas Greeting:

Best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most joyous traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, but with respect for the religious persuasion of others who choose to practice their own religion as well as those who choose not to practice a religion at all.

I resent that! :icon_twisted:

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and the politically incorrect Christmas greeting:

Merry Christmas boys and girls, have fun getting hammered to celebrate Christ's birthday . . . i've started early.

however enjoy the festivities everyone have a gooden

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A woman to software engineer while he is smoking. Don't you see the warning sign, "smoking is injuries to health, cause cancer and lumbs deases"

Software engineer: "We only bother Errors not warning".. :cool:

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Lol, I was just bored :D
Another one..

Two engineering students meet on campus one day.

The first engineer calls out to the other, "Hey -- nice bike! Where did you get it?"

"Well," replies the other, "I was walking to class the other day when this pretty, young coed rides up on this bike. She jumps off, takes off all her clothes, and says 'You can have ANYTHING you want!'"

"Good choice!" says the first, "Her clothes wouldn't have fit you anyway."

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Don't criticize or make fun of any any person's face or personality, may be he has more hot babes and chicks than you have:-O

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