This Is what I have so far, I'm looking for someone to help me fix errors they might see and give me some tips to make some changes.

[Date]

[Company name]
[Company Address]
[Company City, State, Zip]

Dear Employer,

I am a student at St. Clair College studying Computer Systems Technology – Networking looking for a student job as a Network Administrator Assistant. My interest in working with Bell Canada lead me to the Jobs@Bell website, I noticed Bell Canada offers an internship placement in network technology and IT that I am interested in pursuing. Working at Bell Canada would give me a chance to developing my IT skills and see how everything works and comes together in the work place.

Configuring Cisco routers and switches is one of my well known skills; I am able to configure most CCNA level configuration options on both routers and switches. I fined enjoyment from troubleshooting; when something doesn’t work I will try every possible method to fix the problem and get things up and running again as quick as possible. Being part of the IT Club at St. Clair College has helped me see how much design thought and planning goes into building a network.

Thank you for taking the time to review my resume, I look forward to hearing from you soon. I can be reached at [My Phone #] or by email at [My email].

Sincerely,

[Signature]

[My name]
[My address]
[My phone]
[My email]

First impression, it seems right to me but do not depend on my answer!

First impression, it seems right to me

I beg to differ.

Computer Systems Technology – Networking

You should write "Computer Systems Technology and Networking" (without quote marks), the dash is confusing, it looks like a separation between propositions (in the grammatical sense) and breaks the flow of the sentence. Making a major grammatical blunder is not a great way to start a cover letter.

I am a student at St. Clair College studying Computer Systems Technology and Networking looking for a student job as a Network Administrator Assistant.

You should avoid using the same word three times in one sentence. You're a "student", we get it. Also, the word "student job" is not really appropriate, maybe "internship", "employment", "experience in the workplace", etc... For example, consider this re-phrasing:

"As a student in Computer Systems Technology and Networking at St. Clair College, I am eager to gain experience in the workplace."

Or, a bit more forward:

"As a student in Computer Systems Technology and Networking at St. Clair College, I believe I am ready for a challenging internship in a high-standard company. For that reason, I immediately considered Bell Canada and ..."

My interest in working with Bell Canada lead me to the Jobs@Bell website, I noticed Bell Canada offers an internship placement in network technology and IT that I am interested in pursuing.

Be selective about the information you put in a cover letter, you only have a few sentences on average before interest is lost, make good use of them. No one cares about the tribulations that led you to send in that cover-letter + CV, certainly not such a benign story and for such a well-known company. What is of interest is why you are interested in the company and the job. You have to at least make them believe that it was more than just a random thought "maybe Bell has jobs" and a few clicks on a browser to get to the job-postings. Also, that's a great place to butter them up a bit. You don't have to say that it's your life-long dream to work there, but show motivation, some admiration for the company, that you'd be proud to work there, etc. Don't linger on the subject but give them something, in a few words (along the lines of my second rewording above). Saying "I noticed Bell Canada offers.." just isn't very appealing. The whole sentence sounds like this store application:

"I walked by your store, saw the sign 'Help wanted', so I slipped my CV under the door."

Even though most CVs are sent out that way, you need to sparkle a bit of BS to make it sound more appealing.

Working at Bell Canada would give me a chance to developing my IT skills and see how everything works and comes together in the work place.

ZZZZZ..... I wouldn't read beyond that sentence if that cover letter was on my desk. For one, the English is bad (e.g. "a chance to developing", should be either "the chance to develop" or "a chance for developing"). But the main problem is with the generalities:

  • "Working at Bell Canada": You don't work at a company, you work with a team, in a department, with people. And the correct English is "working for Bell Canada".
  • "my IT skills": Yeah? Which ones? I'm left to believe you don't have any... not good for a cover letter.
  • "how everything works": The answer to life, the universe and everything is 42. So, now that you know, I guess you don't need to work at Bell anymore, right?
  • "comes together in the work place": So, you want to see what a "workplace" is... are you intentionally trying to convince the reader that you've never been employed? Or have no idea what you're stepping into? Maybe this is the case, and if so, don't mention it, focus on other things.

Being too general is like saying nothing at all. You need to come up with at least a few specific things that you want to learn, that you would gain from this job, that shows you're not a complete novice in the field, that you have realistic expectations, that you can make up for your lack of experience, etc. Wasting a sentence on a cover-letter does more harm than good, this is not a high-school essay where you just get to the desired word-count by padding the text with meaningless drivel.

Configuring Cisco routers and switches is one of my well known skills; I am able to configure most CCNA level configuration options on both routers and switches.

Unless this is really specific to this particular job (and I doubt that it is, since these are pretty general skills), leave this kind of enumeration for the CV. You have an important task to do in a cover letter and very few words to accomplish it. That job is to get the attention, show the motivation, show that you're serious and driven. You want the reader to think: "I hope the attached CV has the right stuff in it, because this guy/girl sounds like he/she would make a great addition to the team". Two paragraphs / one page is a very short amount of words to get that kind of attention, don't waste them with a repetition of some of the more mundane aspect of your CV (which serves the purpose of actually listing your skills).

You can talk about some specific technical skills in the cover letter, mainly if those wouldn't be found in your CV and are very meaningful for the job or make a broader point about your personality / drive / leadership / etc...

I fined enjoyment from troubleshooting; when something doesn’t work I will try every possible method to fix the problem and get things up and running again as quick as possible.

That's better, except for the English, of course. I proper English, you would write:

"I enjoy troubleshooting; when a problem arises I will try every solution method until the system is up and running again."

However, I'm not so fond of the "I will try every possible method to fix the problem". Is there a method to your madness? If you want to convey your dedication to solving problems, then convey that directly, instead of inadvertedly sounding like you're a bumbling baffoon that uses "random trials and errors" as a method for solving problems. Keep the positive, drop the negative:

"I enjoy troubleshooting and solving challenging problems; I never give up until the system is up and running again."

Being part of the IT Club at St. Clair College has helped me see how much design thought and planning goes into building a network.

Again, better than earlier in the letter, this is the sort of thing a cover letter is meant for. One issue here is with the verb "see" (as in ".. helped me see how much design ..."), and to some extent the "Being part". These are passive verbs, it makes the whole thing sound like you were at that IT club, but your participation was limited to standing in a corner and "seeing" what others did. If Bell Canada wants a house-plant, they can go to the store. Focus on what you did or took an active role in, with active verbs.

Thank you for taking the time to review my resume, I look forward to hearing from you soon. I can be reached at [My Phone #] or by email at [My email].

Your phone number and email address don't belong in the text. Contact information must be easily accessible but discreet. You want them to find it quickly if they want to contact you but it shouldn't take the place of more important things, nor make awkward breaks in the text. So, leave it to the signature of the letter and in fine prints on your CV's header (under your name, which needs to be in big fat bold letters), these are the two places normal people would look for contact info, most people are normal people, so, these are safe bets.

commented: Great post and 42! +0
commented: Great advice :) +0
commented: Sound advice / comments +0

I beg to differ.

I mentioned first impression right?

I also thought that this was some homework that had the use of variables (don't ask), so it seemed right to me until i looked at which forum it was.

ok, thaks for the help
By this you can really see how bad I am at cover letters lol :/

Completely agree with Mike, however, I think Mike missed something that, although I picked up from the general post, I thought I'd make it blatantly clear.

Until I got half-way through your cover letter I had no idea who you were applying for.

Mike is correct in that, most cover letters never really get beyond the first two sentences. Your cover letter seems like a general mail shot to anyone and everyone hiring. If you can't grab my attention by the end of the first sentence, it would end up in the bin.

Again to re-iterate another of Mike's points; don't just type your course name. What did your course offer? Was it just Networking? Any particular in Networking? Computer Systems Technology is extremely general. I personally would ignore the term and just take into account "Networking". For all intent and purpose this could mean network programming, network design, network administration etc.

Try to be specific in both your knowledge and how your skills apply to the job you want.

If you want to use your IT Club as an example of existing knowledge, tell me what you did, not what you saw. Employers tend to be more interested in experience than knowledge.