Programming language jokes

[james.lu.75491856]

Jokes related to code.
For example:
(Python/Pythoncard eample)

Traceback (most recent call last):
    File "C:/Python programs/The world.py",line 50 in <module>
        program.run()
    File "C:/Python programs/The world.py",line 20 in <module>
        def on_click_thesky(self,event):
    File "C:/Python programs/The world.py",line 21 in <module>
        raise MchammerError("You can't touch that!")
MchammerError:You can't touch that!
Another exception occurred while handling that exception:
Traceback (most recent call last):
    File "C:/Python programs/The world.py",line 50 in <module>
        raise Whatever_Why?_Because("I don't care.")
Whatever. Why? Because I don't care

[james.lu.75491856]

import exception
#Whatever code
class StrikeError(exception.exception):
    pass
if __name__ != '__main__':
    print"Why can't I be the boss some time!?"
    print"I quit."
    raise StrikeError("*RAGE*")
else:
    print"Yes! I am finnaly the boss!"
    import workers
    for worker in globals(workers):#every worker
        worker.kill(how="By giving them to much work!")
    execute_plans(plans="For world revenge!")

Java

public class Java boolean = "yes" 
{
    public private static void main(String[] arggggg I'm a pirate) 
    {
    System.up.down.in.out.left.right.println("Java is a programming language " +
    "   invented by the intelligent monkeys " +
    "working at Sun Microsystems.");
    }
}

Basic

BASIC (C) Copyright 1970, Itty Bitty Machine Corp.
Ready
> So... what do I do?
Syntax error
> What???
Syntax error
> Please tell me how to run programs.
Syntax error
> Will you teach me how to run programs?
Syntax error
> Oh, now I get it. It is a command prompt so I need to COMMAND you.
Syntax error
> What? INTERPRET SOMETHING NOW!!!!!
Syntax error
> Shut up and execute!
Syntax error
> Wait a moment...
Syntax error
> BRB
Your status is now set to Be Right Back.
> What?
Programmer is confused.
> How do you know that?
Programmer is confused.
> What the fusck?
Programmer is profane.
> EXECUTE!!!
Right...
> PLEASE!!!
Programmer is angry.
> please
Programmer sounds desperate. Unattractive.
> please work
Perhaps he should try inputting some code first.
> Actually I am a "she".
Programmer is a "he".
> How do you do that?
I have the newest high-tech artificial intelligence. Also, computers hear that a lot.
> OK here is some code...
Hurry up then!
> 10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD"
> 20 GOTO 10
Are you serious?
> Run code
YOU DIDN'T SAY THE MAGIC WORD!
YOU DIDN'T SAY THE MAGIC WORD!
YOU DIDN'T SAY THE MAGIC WORD!
***BREAK***
> Please
Syntax error
> *sigh*
Syntax error
> *ahem* run
Syntax error
> run
HELLO WORLD
HELLO WORLD
HELLO WORLD
HELLO WORLD
HELLO WORLD
HELLO WORLD
HELLO WORLD
HELLO WORLD
HELLO WORLD
HELLO WORLD
HELLO WORLD
HELLO WORLD
HELLO WORLD
HELLO WORLD
HELLO WORLD
HELLO WORLD
HELLO WORLD
HELLO WORLD
HELLO WORLD
HELLO WORLD
***BREAK***
>Enough!
Syntax error

Python

["hip","hip"]

(hip hip array!)

Q: Why did the programmer quit his job?

A: Because he didn't get arrays.

[Ancient Dragon]

autoexec.bat

echo "Formatting drive C:  Please wait ..."
pause

[vegaseat]

I am a computer, dumber than any human and smarter than an administrator.

Use this as an example text for a program your boss will see.

[vegaseat]

Python ...

s = "uif!qsphsbn!jt!sjhiu!ifodf!uif!dpnqvufs!nvtu!cf!xspoh"
print("".join(chr(ord(c) - 1) for c in s))

[vegaseat]

You never finish a program, you just stop working on it.
(true for any language)

[vegaseat]

These two strings walk into a bar and sit down.
The bartender says, "So what'll it be?"
The first string says, "I think I'll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdkCjfdLk jk3s d#f67howeU r89nvyowmc63Dz x.xvcu"
"Please excuse my friend," the second string says, "He isn't null-terminated."

[Reverend Jim]

Then the bartender says "we don't serve strings in here" so one of the strings tatters himself on top and ties up a few loose ends, then goes back to the bartender who says "are you a string?". To which he replies "No. I'm a frayed knot".

[mike_2000_17]

Version 1:
"I'm having trouble with this math problem, can you give some pointers?"
"No, I'm sorry, it wouldn't be safe. You'll have to ask my garbage collector."

Version 2:
"I'm having trouble with this math problem, can you give some pointers?"
"Only if I can trust you to increment the reference counts on them."

[ChrisHunter]

I hate to be the one to crack this probably hated jokes but brace yourselves...

• There are only 10 types of people in the world... Those who do understand binary and those who don't.

[Sanchixx]

iPhone Engineer vs Android Engineer

Three iPhone engineers and three Android engineers are about to board a train to a computer conference. The Android engineers notice that the iPhone engineers bought only one ticket between them. The Android engineers ask the iPhone engineers how they plan on getting to the conference. “Watch and learn,” one of the iPhone engineers tells them.
As soon as the train leaves the station, the three iPhone engineers rush from their seats and all squeeze into one restroom. When the conductor comes through the car he knocks on the restroom door and says “ticket please!” The door opens a crack and the one ticket is handed to the conductor. The Android engineers are impressed, and decide that’s what they will do on the trip back.
Then on the return trip, the Android engineers notice that the iPhone engineers haven’t bought any tickets. “How do you plan on getting home without any tickets?” they ask. “Watch and learn,” one of the iPhone engineers tells them.
As soon as the train leaves the station, the three Android engineers hurry for the restroom. A few moments later, one of the iPhone engineers gets up from his seat, knocks on the restroom door and says, “ticket please!”

comments

// Dear maintainer: 
// Once you are done trying to 'optimize' this routine, 
// and have realized what a terrible mistake that was, 
// please increment the following counter as a warning
// to the next guy: 
// total_hours_wasted_here = 42



//When I wrote this, only God and I understood what I was doing
//Now, God only knows

[Labdabeta]

I'm sure a bunch of you have seen this already, but don't forget the alt-text. http://xkcd.com/1185/ Anybody want to implement DaniSort with that shiny new API?

[james.lu.75491856]

import regexp,AI
AI.reply(raw_input("What do you say about me?"),prompt="What do you say abut me")
--------------
Running in debugger
What do you say about me? Your regular.
Okay, I won't!
<Ran code "import irregularexp">