The Haiku thread

[JJ___]

Thought I'd take my own stab at the 'word game' topic format.

You may have already guessed; this topic is all about haiku. Answer the post before yours using only haiku, you may use more than one haiku per post but you may only use this format.

For those who don't absolutely understand haiku, here's how it goes: you write a poem of five, then seven, then five syllables.

Example:

This poem is about
Haikus and how you write them
Fun Fun Fun Fun Fun

I'll start:

When walking down streets,
I notice people aren't so nice now,
Do you not agree?

[jbennet]

I do not agree
haiku is a wierd sort of thing
Isnt it just or is it?

[Infarction]

haiku is not weird
but this is not a haiku
this is a senryu

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Senryu

[kAtHicKa]

i am confused now
is it haiku or senryu
not understanding

[JJ___]

senryu is a little
different to haiku but
sometimes the same thing

[mattyd]

What about the sky?
Smoke and clouds and Heaven's glare?
Falling all down, soft.

[JJ___]

Storms are blowing now,
Death, destruction, mother nature's wrath,
gives way to snow. Please?

[Infarction]

This is so funny
haiku phrases are one line
stop wrapping them please

Senryu and haiku differ by content. Haiku have natural themes to them and are serious in nature (see mattyd's for an example), whereas senryu often do not have the natural themes and are not always as serious (see pretty much everything else in this thread). Most people seem to think that the 5-7-5 syllabic layout is simply the definition of a haiku when it's really not.

[kAtHicKa]

and remember this
it's five then seven then five
count your syllables

[are we changing the thread to senryu? - i like it!]

[kAtHicKa]

seriously now
haiku is not for laughing
please don't joke around

[is that better? :)]

[JJ___]

Nine syllables? ouch.
How the hell did that happen?
Stupid rat creatures.

[mattyd]

My river flowed on
dipping, splitting, never end
river, over, on

[tgreer]

I'm a published haiku, senryu, cinquain, renga, tanka, and haibun poet (Frogpond, Tanka Splendor, Lynx, Modern Haiku, plus school textbooks and poster series). Let me correct the notion that haiku are 5-7-5. While it's true that Japanese haiku follow a pattern of "sound parts", those do not correspond to English syllables. Japanese is not a syllabic language. Also, English syllables vary greatly in duration. The 5-7-5 notion was never universal, and has been discarded by contemporary English haiku poets.

The three-line convention is often followed to convey to the reader how to read the poem / where to pause.

Focus instead on the conciseness of the imagery and wording. A good haiku should shift focus in the poem, through juxtaposition of color, season, space, sense, or other natural elements. Here's an example senryu from one of my haibun. Note how "space" changes from the abstract, to the concrete:

space between
storyteller's hands --
children's wide eyes

May I suggest that the poetic form "renga" is very well-suited to an online forum. Instead of trading haiku, why not try a renga? Each poster links to the previous poem. The links are subtle. Here's an example, placed in code tags to help preserve the formatting. Good luck and have fun.

[B]lost and found[/B]
a renga
by Layne Russell and Thomas D. Greer


    *
 *polo!   *polo*
    f   i r*  f   e
       *marco!*     l*    s
  *polo*
                              [I]1:tg[/I]


stars of Sagitarius
sink behind the mountain
                              [I]2:lr[/I]


at this distance
long after the wave
the voice
                              [I]3:tg[/I]


white fog curls around redwoods
the phone ringing inside
                              [I]4:lr[/I]

        
cigarette ash. . .
bartender punctuates
with the match
                              [I]5:tg[/I]


firelight on the walll
his shadow toward me
                              [I]6:lr[/I]


clouds over canyon
blue cast on red rock— 
black swifts dive and dart
                              [I]7:lr[/I]


raindrops on the window
follow-the-leader
                              [I]8:tg[/I]


open curtains
sun on glass
two little faces
                              [I]9:lr[/I]


autumn moon
in the birdbath
                              [I]10:tg[/I] 


water droplets
web between willows
yellow spider motionless
                              [I]11:lr[/I]


deep breathing
the stars move
                              [I]12:tg[/I]

 
nap time. . .
my ears attuned
to whispers
                              [I]13:tg[/I] 


soft flute
through an open window
                              [I]14:lr[/I]


first snow. . .
low flying geese
circle my garden pond
                              [I]15:tg[/I]


gust of wind
catches my long black skirt
                              [I]16:lr[/I] 


shaking leaves
from her hair. . .
fall and fall again
                              [I]17:tg[/I]


morning walk home. . .
petals in his pocket
                              [I]18:lr[/I]

                 
river trail
swirls of green— 
in the pines a doe
                              [I]19:lr[/I] 


new watercolor set. . .
he paints a seascape
                              [I]20:tg[/I]


breeze from the west— 
tall gold grass
brushes bare legs
                              [I]21:lr[/I]


afternoon snooze...
dandelions between my toes
                              [I]22:tg[/I]


all my fingers
move down the buttons. . .
mine then yours
                              [I]23:lr[/I]

                   
in the background
guitar arpeggios
                              [I]24:tg[/I]

                    
rising and falling. . .
by the end of the story
breathing in sync
                              [I]25:tg[/I]


dawn meditation
silver light hits the bell
                              [I]26:lr[/I]


snooze button
half-a-second ahead
of the alarm
                              [I]27:tg[/I]


breaks through the ribbon
her first first
                              [I]28:lr[/I]


breathless
promise-not-to-tell. . .
finger to lips
                              [I]29:tg[/I]


words so soft
their heads touch
                              [I]30:lr[/I]

            
box of notebooks
in the basement— 
poems in faded ink 
                              [I]31:lr[/I]
 
        
garage sale surprise:
tie-dyes for top-dollar
                              [I]32:tg[/I]


fifth shelf up
jar of pennies
oder than her mother
                              [I]33:lr[/I]


all she left behind. . . 
hat boxes of spare buttons
                              [I]34:tg[/I]


a hundred acres with cabin
virgin stand of red fir
last on the mountain
                              [I]35:lr[/I]


lost and found...
Christopher Robin
                              [I]36:tg[/I]



© 1997 Leslye Layne Russell & [B]Thomas D. Greer[/B]
This renga was written over the course of a year.

There is a formal progression in renga, research it to learn the rules.

[mattyd]

Flocks of factories
Mesmerized by stacks of waste
Worship the old steel

[kAtHicKa]

more little snippets
flashing glimpses diminish
dashing out the door

[mattyd]

Fresh from doubting lies
A word in your ears: forget
before you leave, cry

[mattyd]

The night tore through air.
The morn had no chance-- it hid.
The dark sat and stared.