What causes Depression and toughs of suicides

[flaco]

Well I have a problem I was recently dumped by my girl well is a habit for me already I have been dumped 23 times already because am just plain ugly anyways I need some help or consolation,What is depression?and What to do to get rid of it?because it hurts real bad the same for the tough of suicides any tips and um only 18 any tips or medication to take will help me alot.:sad:

[jbennet]

dont worry about it man, we all have hard tomes with the ladies :)

i myself am not very good looking at all and am always being turned down by girls so i understand your position.

Keep on trying and your persiverence will eventually suceed :)

[kAtHicKa]

Hi flaco,

I am not a professional and I don't know you well enough to make an evaluation, but it sounds like you are just feeling your painful feelings. I can tell you from my own personal experience that it hurts when I get dumped and I think it's normal to feel pain when people leave us.

As for suicidal thoughts - thoughts are thoughts - we do not have to act on them. Depression can be a serious thing and treatments vary. (And FYI... if you are drinking, alcohol makes depression worse) Do you have some friends or family you can discuss this with? Maybe some people who know you well enough to help guide you?

Hang in there... ~kAtH

[flaco]

thanks guys for the info

[mattyd]

Well I have a problem I was recently dumped by my girl well is a habit for me already I have been dumped 23 times already because am just plain ugly anyways I need some help or consolation,What is depression?and What to do to get rid of it?because it hurts real bad the same for the tough of suicides any tips and um only 18 any tips or medication to take will help me alot.:sad:

This is a very serious matter and may require professional care. When in the depths of depression accompanied by suicidal thoughts or thoughts of hurting yourself (self-mutilation) the idea of "helping one's self" is almost impossible in the light of how you may feel.

I know about this intimately because I haver battled depression and mania for almost 20-years. My first introduction to getting help for this problem was when I reached a desperate end and checked myself into a psychiatric hospital for treatment. This was to this day one of the best things I have ever done for myself. That was about 8 years go, and in the time since, my life has become so much better. This is due to:

1. Medication for the disease
2. Therapy (psychiatrist\ psychologist)
3. Sobriety (no alcohol\ no drugs)
4. God\ spirituality

Everyone is different of course, but the above list is the essential outline, in my case, for a move towards recovery. Sobriety is a MAJOR area (if this pertains to you at all): I attempted from the ages of 18-28 to "self-medicate" myself in order to deal with the pain and hurt of depression (much of it caused by failed relationships with women) This self-medication took the form of constant Marijuana use and the occasional, illegal use of painkillers (pills); this took the pain away for a short time, but when the drug effects wore off, the depression was worse than ever. Alcohol-- same thing. Alcohol, IMO, should be illegal like other street-drugs. It is deadly, and a socially-accepted evil.

My advice is to seek help in your city. There should be clinical programs available that in may cases are absolutely free; I have never paid for therapy of any sort including my stay in the hospital for a week-- all was free. Most hospitals have Psychiatric units that will take you in for treatment if you claim to be suicidal.

This topic is a massive one and cannot be summed up in a forum by a non-professional like myself but, I can tell you, with time and treatment, your life can grow and evolve into the dreams you've always had. This is not wishful thinking-- it is possible but it takes work and effort on your behalf. You have already taken the first step: talking about your problems (your depression). The next step is up to you, too. Things can get better but it will take time.

Matty

[aniseed]

Well I have a problem I was recently dumped by my girl well is a habit for me already I have been dumped 23 times already because am just plain ugly anyways I need some help or consolation,What is depression?and What to do to get rid of it?because it hurts real bad the same for the tough of suicides any tips and um only 18 any tips or medication to take will help me alot.:sad:

<rambling>

I would define depression as persistent gloomy thoughts which make one feel like something is lacking within.

I don't know if I could help because I was technically not dumped. We parted ways as friends but it was just a nice way of being dumped, in my opinion. I had some tough times through depression (most of it being partly related to academics but a girl was the major contributing factor) and I often try and reflect over what I did during those days. All of them are not the correct way of coping with stress or depression, but I'll just list them anyway.
1. Exercise a lot: This is one of the best things to do to keep a check on depression.
2. Spend more time alone: This is not recommended because it tends to put ourselves in the same depressing mood more often. It took me a while to realize that motivation is difficult to come by on our own.
3. Smoking: One of the worst things I had been doing, it only lead to more medical problems, mostly headaches. :-|
4. Meditation: It's been something that greatly benefitted during that period. Clearing up the mind helps bringing in positive thoughts.
5. Watching cartoons: It is always good to laugh and keep away from depression. It's only when you start deriving hidden meanings from cartoons, could you be certain of need of external assistance.
6. Getting some FPS games: It's a part of amusing yourself. I found myself quite well by being occupied with FPS games.
7. Reading anything you feel like. I spent most of my time reading journals in the obscure sections of our college library.

Medicines are the last thing you need at this stage. What you need is to occupy your time productively. Suicide is never a good choice. You have got a good life ahead and it's too beautiful to be wasted. I hope you get along with it. I wish the best for you. :)

</rambling>

[flaco]

um I didn't come clean I will come clean we met by myspace and we were in top of the moon the same day inn the morning I walked from my house to her school it took me 30 minutes and the bad part it was 5 degrees outside anyway i got there we chilled only 20 minutes I came back home and I got a text by my girl saying I got dumped it hurts so bad why does almost every girl do these to me?I admit am ugly but common.:sad:

[aniseed]

um I didn't come clean I will come clean we met by myspace and we were in top of the moon the same day inn the morning I walked from my house to her school it took me 30 minutes and the bad part it was 5 degrees outside anyway i got there we chilled only 20 minutes I came back home and I got a text by my girl saying I got dumped it hurts so bad why does almost every girl do these to me?I admit am ugly but common.:sad:

Please stop about that 'ugly' talk. It's going to be more depressing. If that matters to you, I am ugly too and I have the cutest girlfriend (maybe I'm a little biased in my opinion of her ;) ). It's only a matter of time and finding the right type of girl.

Life is bound to take complicated turns at really unexpected moments. What you really need to do is relax and take some time to think if you were merely trying to get along or you really liked them. Think from a third person's perspective. Maybe you are not looking at your type of girls yet. And have patience!

[mattyd]

Yes, relationship trouble and turmoil is probably a common factor in depression world-wide. I, as I've stated, have had really more than my share and, although it does get easier over time, the emptiness that goes along with "being dumped" goes well beyond just the factors of the female (or male)-- it may go deeper. What I mean, and I will not act as if I have the answers, is that our psychology as humans is highly complex and a great portion of it is sub-conscious; we view others, at times without even knowing it as a "salvation": an answer to boredom, fulfilment of romance, an alleviation of sexual frustration, an answer to our own hidden dreams of what we want. These topics in themselves are not bad but can fashion a mind-set which becomes unhealthy over time. I am guilty of this still even with the lovely and seemingly perfect relationship I currently have. I must ask myself:

1. What am I really in this for?
2. Am I fulfilling my mate's dreams as well as my own?
3. Is the relationship healthy?
4. What can be better and what can I do to make it so?

Now, If I answer these honestly and even feel I am equally keeping my girlfriend's side in mind (which I feel I do) I can always do better. This will be fruitful for both parties concerned. When both people do this the relationship can be amazing, but that is not to say it will not have problems\ challenges. I do not "fight" with my girl but our religion\ philosophy debates can be incredibly heated and even ugly at times and we are both of the same religion! But, we move on and the love is still vibrant and ever-growing.

Some of the major issues revolving around relationhips, in my case with females, is that one has to take their time and set standards to be selective by. We must be choosey about what is on the inside, most importantly. My standards are:

• Must be intellectual\ college-educated\ artistic
• Must be Sober
• Must believe in God
• Must share basic, common interests
• Must love animals (pets)

I have been married once before and I have found out much of this the hard way.

I could list "Must be physically attrative"; well, that is important, and by default that is usually the case, but then again, my view of "beauty" is very different than the typical American man's. I like nerdy girls-- my nerdy girlfriend. :cheesy:

Anyways, I believe I am rambling. Be Picky. Meet your own standards whatever those may be. Don't settle. Take care of yourself.

Regards,
Matty D.

[Junyah]

Flaco,

Wish there was an easy answer. There's a lot of advice and help out there but you gotta be comfortable with it and you gotta let it work.

I've been where your at and as a former cop on the streets I used to help peple that were in your situation. Your'e talking about it which is good to an extent. But maybe you wanna see a counselor/psych or a trusted clergy person. I could only give the people short term solutions wehn I was out there.

Depression and Thoughts of Suicide are serious maters. They break the spirit and you gotta fight to keep yourself going.

As far as relationsships. Break ups and Divorces happen...I've been through those before..you get over them ...but you'll have a little hurtin' to do ... You gotta be comfortable with yourself ... gotta be confident again.. gotta be a fighter and a lover!

You know I've had 30 yrs. of marriages and dating ... and I still like the ladies and still make friends and date ... But I found when I'm not looking .. I meet the nicest women.

Get Help, Heal Your Wounds, and Start Living Again.

[~s.o.s~]

Well flaco both you and I have learnt a lesson from this thread....whenever in need of some expert psychological assistance we can always turn to Aniseed, Matty, Junyah... :D

But seriously, I ain't gonna rant but will just quote some quotes:

Pity is for free but envy must be earned.

A man who has not embraced his past, can't mould his future.

People are like dice, we throw ourselves into our lives.

I hope you get the point I am trying to prove....get some respect, believe in what you want and you won't need any counselling / medicines / pep talk.

Regards,
~s.o.s~

[Junyah]

Flaco? How you feeling now? With all this info and ways people cope ... are you seeing anything or is a light flashin'.

Funny little story - when the guys or gals in my unit had a problem, I'd take the whole group out to a strip club ... or fishing, I wouldn't talk about the problem but after awhile .. they would come an talk to mean mention their problem. When the brass caught wind of it ... I kinda got in trouble .. but the dept. pysch .. she kinda stuck up for me ... she knew what I was doing. The reason why I took them was it was loud, dstracting, and full of energy ... I'd just watch the person that was having problems .. how he or she reacted ..he or she would solve their own problem in front of me by talking. Now that I'm semiretired ... I just take people fishing. Nice Scenery and easy on the ears.

People have given you some great information time to use it.

BTW - even use tough guys know when its time to get help. I had a couple of Jobrelated Critical Incidents that gave me PTSD (Post Trauma Stress Disorder) A Nam Vet and Gulf war Vet found me a person I could talk to a get help from. She got me back on my feet and back to work again. I also joined our crisis team.

Its true what SOS said ...Respect, Belief, Thats what the counselor get you to do ... you hold the keys to your healing.

[pty]

I have been dumped 23 times

If you were THAT bad looking you wouldn't have had chance to be dumped that many times.

[The Dude]

Good luck to you my friend!!!

Welcome to the site,God bless!!

[Mushy-pea]

5. Watching cartoons: It is always good to laugh and keep away from depression. It's only when you start deriving hidden meanings from cartoons, could you be certain of need of external assistance.

Ah, I see you have seen the dark side as well. I started thinking the words in various songs were talking about me for a while once. As for seeking professional help, I've had mixed experiences. I've met some people in that line where it's been obvious they're right for the job. When I met with such people while I was delusional about a year ago I was rather unimpressed. All they seemed to do was ask me a few screening questions to work out whether I was schizophrenic or not. After a while they concluded I wasn't and put me on anti depressants.

To be fair the treatment did kind of work. But I never got the feeling they had an incling why I was experiencing what I was. But to get back to your problems flaco. Get those suicidal thoughts out of your head. You're 18, which is really quite young. You've got plenty of time to go chasing girls yet. Stick with it.

Steven.

[mattyd]

you won't need any counselling / medicines / pep talk.

Regards,
~s.o.s~

This quote is subjective. As all people are individuals so are their problems. Myself, I have been medically tested for depression; I have a chemical inbalance, that is, my body does not prodeuc the correct levels of Seratonin. Seratonin is a chemical produced primarily in the Colon and it regulates autonomous functions such as breathing, primarily. This chemical also regulates the relay of chemical messages between the synapses in our brains. When the Seratonin levels are insufficient (or if our body does not process it correctly, as is my case) Clinical Depression can occur with symptoms including but not limited to: depression, suicidal ideation, suicidal attempts, lack of energy, lack of motivation, the feelings of disembodiement, self-mutilation. I have experienced most of these symptoms in my most darkest times (8-years ago and occasionally still).

It has become a popular movement lately to dismiss the use of medication to treat Depression, yet millions of humans worldwide attest to the benefits it has had in their lives. This along with empirical data shows that medicine as an aspect of treatment for diagnosed Psychiatric illness is both valid and warranted.

The seeking of treatment is up to each individual unless State\Federal imposed in extreme cases. Each individual should expect proper treatment from professionals with full disclosure of side-effects of medicine(s).

I have been on two medicines (Lexapro for Depression and Depakote for Mania) for 8-years now and although I wish I did not have to modify my system via two pills, these two pills allow me to lead a normal life where I can actually get out of bed and program, have a healthy relationship, set and achieve goals.

Flaco, please research this and decide for yourself. Do not listen to people who dismiss all standard avenues of treatment (counseling, meds, etc). Find out for yourself and get to feeling better.

Regards,
Matty D.

[~s.o.s~]

Come on Matty, don't manipulate the meaning of my post...

I hope you get the point I am trying to prove....get some respect, believe in what you want and you won't need any counselling / medicines / pep talk.

If he manages to do what I have said, I am sure he won't need any of that, and its definately not subjective. Even drugs, counsellers etc. try to do the same things -- try to stuff some self respect into you, try to make you believe in yourself. But then again, if someone has decided to do something, we can never make him believe otherwise.

Flaco, please research this and decide for yourself. Do not listen to people..

Yeah, I would say that don't listen to anyone, decide what you think is the best and just go for it.

[mattyd]

If he manages to do what I have said, I am sure he won't need any of that

Are you so sure of this? :-|


Even drugs, counsellers etc. try to do the same things

I agree with you about the counselors, but it is not really about "stuffing self-respect"-- it is generally about identifying psychological issues and lantent problems, setting up a therapy regime to attend to these issues, and moving along step-by-step to free the patient from the mental control these issues\problems present.

But the drugs: no, drugs do not try to "stuff self-respect into you", they are prescribed to modify chemical issues and stabilize one's system in a manner that relieves symptoms of, in my case, Depression and Mania (Bi-Polar).

I wish it was as simple as following what you suggested but, by deep experience, it is not and has nothing to do with recovery from diagnosed, Clinical Depression.

[~s.o.s~]

Yeah I guess different people develop different kinds of symptoms of depression and have different ways of handling stress.

Maybe he should just talk with his parents because I guess they are the ones close to him and know whats the best for him...We can only recount our own experiences and suggest accordingly.

Good luck to you Flaco, wish you never get to visit the hell that I have been through.........

[jwenting]

What causes depression...
In me it was seeing the company I'd worked for 5 years disintegrate under me with no way to get out, not getting paid for half a year, then learning that the CEO had run off with all company assets, and all that while my mother was in hospital after having lost a leg due to medical errors. Being denied social security for those 6 months because I was officially still employed (even though not getting paid, and quitting would get me automatically denied) made it worse.
Getting a new job cured the depression, gave me renewed purpose in life.
The fact that my parents had bigger trouble than me prevented me from going suicidal. I just didn't want to have them to deal with a funeral as well as everything they were going through already.

[WaltP]

But I found when I'm not looking .. I meet the nicest women.

This is also what I've found...

To paraphrase pty, look at it from a different perspective. You've had 23 girlfriends. That's more than most so you've got something good going for you. Are you still friendly with any? If so, talk to them. If it's something you do, you'll have something to work on.

[Junyah]

Flaco .... Mejo,

How do you feel right now that you've read all the posts?

You know an old surfer that I really admired, the gals just flocked around him ... he wasn't a pretty boy type ... he had a shaved head like i have know, a little gut.. but he was realy cool..confident, friendly and comfortable with himself, once told me ..He doesn't give advice ... he gives knowledge and It was up to me to either use it or just "file" it.

I was kinda feeling sorry for myself .. I was in a slump .. I wasn't bln, tall and handsome. I was short, dark and mysterious ... LOL... An the gals weren't looking for that around that time..

He told me that woman were like waves. You find one, ride it , enjoy the ride or bail if youre gonna wipe out or if its a good one you ride out to the shore and enjoy it.. He said sometimes you don't even find them ...when you don't find them .. you just enjoy the ocean ...cuz you know eventually .. not necessarily that day.

You know I was thinkin' old man I need help right now ..I don't need stories... It was about a month before I realized what he meant.

Well the story came back to haunt me everytime i broke up or got divorced... I gotta admit ...I'm a slow learner. But I learned what it meant.

You know as old as I am ... I use the info still. You just gotta be yourself and enjoy the ride or the travel. You know ...when I stopped getting upset with myself or the gals .. I enjoy the finding of new waves, riding out ... I don't wipe out as mcuh anymore. I seem to enjoy all the women and girls i meet ... I thinks they're special and have their unique ways... i don't try to change them or change for them .. I just enjoy them and love em'.

You know ... I'm at the point right now where I'm friends with my former wives and girlfriends... It's all about attitude and perception.

But it didn't happen overnite .. Alot of my friends that are woman or girls ask how come i'm so easy to get along with ... I tell them ... it took alot of girlfriends or wives just to housebreatk me ... And time alone to figure out what I was doing ... and time alone to get comfortable with myself.. If you can get to the point where you really enjoy them and comfortable and confident ... your there! I'm almost 50 and when I was younger .. I thought that I wouldn't be like that old surfer.

I still surf, I'm bald, short dark, mysterious, and handsome (attitude and perception) And I don't just make friends with the cute gals. I make friends with all the gals..woman,moms, grandmas...babies. Its just a natural part of me now.. oh! I smile and laugh alot also.

[flaco]

ok but is like these I got a job am gonna get my apartment in like 2 months and I want a girl to take care of get what am saying.

[Junyah]

Sound like you've made up your mind. It's a process of getting out there and not really lookin' but get in the line up, kinda be out there for the waves, socially network, do stuff where you will meet people .. you know .. people can hook you up .. you gotta see what's out there .. you don't have to look but "See".

See what the other guys that are successful are doing also .. If you like what they are doing ... or you can see yurself doing that ... then do it.. as long as no one gets hurt.

For awhile, I was trying to be what was uncomfortable for me when I was about 19-20 and I hurt one girl's feeling (I felt like shit for that one)... the other time I was about 38 and I hurt another girls feelings...

Its true I was not getting dumped ... but those two times taught me a lesson... Don't be a jerk .. and don't lead somebody on that your not serious about...

Good Luck Surfing Flaco .. remember "See the waves, jump the good ones, ride it out and avoid wipeouts.... and if you can't find waves .... well it was a good day on the ocean ... and there will always be next time.

[Junyah]

Oh! Almost forgot ... About the job ..new surroundings and the apartment... Hey Have Fun ...It's all good ... Life's an adventure!

Flaco .. I forgot to tell you .. I had a stroke last year .. lost my right side .. couldn't talk for about three months.... I was kinda depressed, didn't think I would date again .. let alone live... I was diagnosed with kidney failure and heart failure ...

I woke up and realized that I didn't wanna llive this way ... so I fought, motivated, prayed, meditated, dieted, listened to good music, read and watched good stuff .... and people were thinkin good thoughts for me and supportive... I'm amazed what the spirit and well "guts or balls" can do ... My heart test was good, brain healed, kidneys healed, i got my voice back, and I met alot of pretty medical people and people in hospitals along the way...

I'm doing 1/2 -3/4 or my activities that I did before the stroke..
when you appreciate the little things in life and your glad to be alive every day... "the keepers" (Great woman or girls) like being around you and they find you or you'll just bump into them .. in my case literally .... REMEMBER YOU GOTTA KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN TO SEE...

Attitude and Aloha (Look Up This Word on the Hawaiian Sites for the True Meanings)

I won't give you the easy solutions ... just like I won't live your life for you. When you're older and give this info to someone .. and you will ..
You'll just smile, cuz you'll understand what I mean.

ME KE ALOHA PUMEHANA, HILINA'I, PU'WAI MELE NA'AU AO, AND NA KUPUNA WILL BE WATCHING.

NOW GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY ...LIVE LIFE .. FIND LIGHT

[John A]

See what the other guys that are successful are doing also .. If you like what they are doing ... or you can see yurself doing that ... then do it.. as long as no one gets hurt.

No - don't try to be anyone else, no matter how well-off they seem to be. Be yourself, and do what you were meant to do. If you try to imitate someone, you're just worse off than when you started. I think most relationships (and this isn't just romantic ones) flourish when people are honest with each other, and aren't pretending to be someone they aren't. It's called trust.

And think of it this way: if you put all your hope in something, your whole life and emotions depend on this one thing (at least, until you decide there's something else you would rather have in the center of your life). So if you place all your hope in girls, it's rather foolish because no relationship comes with a contract. You cannot predict or control your girlfriend's life. And you're going to be disappointed at some time or another.

So choose carefully in what you are going to depend on. Because nothing in this universe is going to last - not even Earth itself.

[mattyd]

"I think most relationships (and this isn't just romantic ones) flourish when people are honest with each other, and aren't pretending to be someone they aren't. It's called trust."

Yes. IMO, this is the most important element in any relationship, trust (and it is also very hard to come by it seems.)

Regards,
Matty D.

[flaco]

People I have read your post clearly and I decided to stop searching and just stay in my job now when the day comes I hope soon I will be so happy but am still depressed why?I need some love or is it normal?Or am I just plain desperate or stupid?

[John A]

People I have read your post clearly and I decided to stop searching and just stay in my job now

Do you like your job? If you enjoy your job (or as much as is possible), I see no reason to keep searching. Perhaps you can relax a little bit.

when the day comes I hope soon I will be so happy but am still depressed why?

Discover what you are meant to do. Everyone has talents, so uncover them. Find out what you really love to do.

May I just quote someone (I can't remember who's signature I read this from or I would acknowledge him/her):

"Depression is merely anger without aggression"

:D I think it's partly true; it's alright to get mad about something, but don't stay that way. Let your anger out, or else it will bottle up inside you. Then you won't wake up with a feeling of not knowing your meaning.

I need some love or is it normal?Or am I just plain desperate or stupid?

This is by no means unnormal. Millions of people struggle with depression, and, amazingly, it seems to be especially worse for people who are well-off. Be patient, and eventually you'll find the right person. Don't push it, or you'll end up crashing to the ground. Relax, and don't feel bad about yourself.

[flaco]

Also when I listen to music that talk about the same situation I am it hurts real bad I have these song I here and it makes me cry almost all of the time is that normal?