You know you are old when...
Your neighbor's son calls you "Gran-dad"
Oh yeah, kids don't lie...


... when you still chase women, but can't remember what to do after you catch one.

(You know you're old when everything reminds you of ... something...):
A 97 year old man goes to see the doctor...
man: "Doc, you've got to help me lower my sex drive!"
doc: "What!? In a man your age? Why?!"
man: "It needs to be lowered from my brain back to where it belongs..."

Edited by griswolf: n/a


The few dark strands of hair on your head ruin the uniformity of its color---that is, if you have any hair at all.


When you wish you hadn't thrown that ATARI 2600 away.

kids these days, thinking those newfangled gadgets are worth saving...


I'm glad this thread has some occasional life still. Some old jokes: you know you are old when you go to smooth the wrinkles in you socks and realize you aren't wearing any. You know you are old when a night out is sitting on the patio.


I have friends who will never get old. I miss them like hell.
Growing old isn't such a bad option, all things considered.


... you remember that Moammar Gadhafi's forces invaded the neighboring country of Chad. A small croup of French commandos gave them such a trouncing that his soldiers fled in disarray leaving all their newly acquired Russian equipment behind.

  1. You throw your back out on the toilet.
  2. You shave your ears.
  3. Your second wife calls your first wife “ma’am”
  4. You're genuinely excited when your prescriptions arrive in the mail.
  5. You read the obits in the newspaper to check the ages of the dead people.
  6. You read a newspaper.
  7. You're bummed out that the smokin’ hot chick from Body Heat now looks like William Shatner in drag.
  8. You say “bummed out”
  9. Women your age have real breasts and artificial hips.
  10. Masturbation leaves you winded.
  11. You try to amuse the kid hooking up your Blu-ray player by telling him about Betamax.
  12. You pee in morse code -- dots and dashes -- and have to look down to see when you’re done.
  13. Your car radio is set to “classic rock” so you have something to switch to during NPR pledge drives.
  14. Your doctor says things like, “that’s normal for a man your age” and “consider yourself lucky”
  15. Beneath your chin is what appears to be a neck skin hammock.
  16. Beneath your penis is what appears to be two ping pong balls hanging from a flesh-colored bolo tie.
  17. You choose your new car because it offers great lumbar support and convenient cup holders.
  18. Watching “The Who” perform at the Superbowl made you inconsolably sad.
  19. You wonder if the orgasm you're about to have will actually end your life.
  20. Your doctor tells you a new medication will reduce the amount of semen in your body and your only response is, “so what.”
  21. Your car radio is set to “classic rock” so you have something to... oh, wait, I already did that one.

Of course it's not my list.. I remembered it from one of The Big Bang Theory episods.. :)
Source: Chuck Lorre Vanity cards


Your second wife calls your first wife “ma’am”

I wish.

A night out means sitting on the patio.


When all your teachers are dead.

When you go to a 40th class reunion and see nothing but old grey-haired people who have grandchildren and great-grandchildren of their own.



You're missing the whole point of this thread. It's supposed to be one of those light-hearted fun threads where you talk about Bananarama, Van Halen, Def Leppard, Space Invaders, Dial-up modems, Magic Eight Ball, Walkmans, etc., and then the kids say "Whooo??? What???" and you feel the same way your parents did when talking about the Beattles or whatever. Key word is "light-hearted". Don't make it about cemeteries, dentures, etc. And there really should be some minimum age (I don't know, 30?) before you're allowed to post in this thread.

Votes + Comments
Always a +1 for Def Leppard

When you remember having milk delivered to the door by a milkman in a horse-drawn wagon [but it's not as long ago as you might think].


When you looked back at the yesteryears, you were having fun with your friends in high school or college

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