A group of software folks take a trip through the mountains when the car's brakes fail and they end up in a ditch. The software analyst amongst them suggests: "Let's push the car out of the ditch and see if it does it again!"
About time for a blonde joke ...
A blonde cop stops a blonde motorist and asks for her driver's license.
The motorist digs around in her purse but can't find it. She says to the cop, "I must have left it at home, officer."
The cop says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?"
The motorist searches her purse again and finds a pocket mirror. She looks at it and says to the cop, "All I have is this picture of myself."
The cop says, "Let me see." So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, "Well, if I'd known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have pulled you over."
A husband and his wife went to the Doctor to discuss a problem. The Doctor took the husband in first.
The husband was a bit embarrassed and told the Doctor he had trouble getting an erection with his wife and she was getting frustrated.
He checked his blood pressure and other things, and finally told him he would see his wife now.
He took her to another cubicle and told her to completely disrobe. Then he told her to turn all the way around slowly.
She did as instructed.
He then told her to turn all the way around in the other direction.
Then he said - OK you can get dressed now, I will talk to your husband.
Then the Doctor went into the other office and told the husband - You can relax. There is nothing wrong with you.
I couldn't get an erection either!!
Driverless cars will be soo good they never cause accidents, after update 23.12.01 of the software . . .and it is freed of all possible viri and the security system is as such, it can't get hacked . . .
Help! Someone hacked my car, I wanted to go to New York and it's taking me to Los Angeles!!! Help!
To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat
transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two
and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with
a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five,
six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous. To reactor #2, add
ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous
mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten
slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in
the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of
an exothermic reaction.
Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture
piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 460K oven for a
period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston's first order
rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown. Once the
reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table,
allowing the product to come to equilibrium. ...........
Dave, a contract programmer, asks his friend, Bob, to look after his cat while he is out of town for a few weeks on a contract. Everything is going well until one day when Dave receives a text message stating "your cat's dead". Dave is devastated and when he gets home he finds out that the cat died after falling off the roof. He tells Bob that he should have been more tactful in preparing him for the bad news. When Bob asks, "how?", Dave replies...
First you send me a text saying "the cat's on the roof". Then you can send one saying "the cat fell off the roof". After that you can say "the cat's at the vet". Once I have those messages I am prepared for "the cat died".
Bob apologizes. The next time Dave is out of town on contract he gets a text from Bob saying "your mother's on the roof".
A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.
"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone."
The man below replies, "You must work in management."
"I do," replies the balloonist, "But how'd you know?"*
"Well", says the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault."