I wrote an About page for Dazah today, and was really hoping to get some opinions and feedback.

https://www.dazah.com/welcome/about

Thanks so much in advance!!

I think it would be more appealing if it were written in the first person - or at least the opening spiel. :)

I agree, take charge of your product.

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diafol

Yes I second (or third) that. Sounds like you got a copywriter to do it. While I know you're not a pretentious person, these third person affairs always strike me as such

Sorry for the silence, and thank you for the feedback everyone. I ended up redoing the homepage and incorporating as much of the wording as I could there with screenshots. Hopefully that will make it less intimidating.

My two cents worth for the homepage opening ( a slight rewrite):
https://www.dazah.com/

Introducing Dazah, a unique business-oriented social messaging platform designed for the busy professional who works in high touch sales, marketing or business development and in any industry. Dazah provides an alternative or addition to attending industry networking events as a means of acquiring leads.

BTW, It's a nice looking site :)

Think I have too much of a run-on sentence, eh? :)

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diafol

Third person is still leaving me cold. Sorry.