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I wrote an About page for Dazah today, and was really hoping to get some opinions and feedback.

Thanks so much in advance!!

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  • Latest Post Latest Post by Member #120589

Dani AI

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Quick, practical guidance for the About page: answer three visitor questions immediately — who is behind this, what concrete problem is solved, and why that solution can be trusted. Since moved much of the feature-oriented copy to the homepage and added screenshots, the About page should be lean and human: mission, short origin story, and a founder voice that matches the product’s audience. and were right to flag tone — first‑person usually reads as more authentic, and ’s reaction highlights how distant third‑person can feel.

A tight, reusable structure that works well:

  • One-line elevator pitch (10–14 words) — template: I’m Dani — I help [target] achieve [specific outcome] without [big pain].
  • One short paragraph (30–60 words) that names the problem, the unique approach, and the outcome.
  • Three short bullets listing practical outcomes a user gets (not features).
  • One 1–2 sentence founder note or mission line plus a small photo for trust.

Copy tips and cautions: keep sentences short, lead with benefit rather than features, and avoid run‑ons — trim any sentence that needs two commas to make sense. Replace vague claims with concrete outcomes or short testimonials. If third‑person must be used for press, pair it with a visible founder quote so the page still feels human. Use one clear CTA only (try/demo/learn more).

Quick checklist to apply:

  • Hero line: 10–14 words
  • 1 short paragraph: problem + difference + outcome
  • 3 outcome bullets (user-centric)
  • Founder note + photo or short quote
  • One clear CTA and one piece of social proof (quote or logo)

Recommended Answers

All 8 Replies

Member Avatar for nullptr

I think it would be more appealing if it were written in the first person - or at least the opening spiel. :)

Member Avatar for pritaeas

I agree, take charge of your product.

Edited by pritaeas
Member Avatar for Member #120589

Yes I second (or third) that. Sounds like you got a copywriter to do it. While I know you're not a pretentious person, these third person affairs always strike me as such

Member Avatar for ddanbe

No harm done I guess, she didn't use the pluralis majestatis :D

Member Avatar for Dani

Sorry for the silence, and thank you for the feedback everyone. I ended up redoing the homepage and incorporating as much of the wording as I could there with screenshots. Hopefully that will make it less intimidating.

Member Avatar for nullptr

My two cents worth for the homepage opening ( a slight rewrite):
https://www.dazah.com/

Introducing Dazah, a unique business-oriented social messaging platform designed for the busy professional who works in high touch sales, marketing or business development and in any industry. Dazah provides an alternative or addition to attending industry networking events as a means of acquiring leads.

BTW, It's a nice looking site :)

Member Avatar for Dani

Think I have too much of a run-on sentence, eh? :)

Member Avatar for Member #120589

Third person is still leaving me cold. Sorry.

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