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Strange lines I have come across in movies, TV shows, and articles:

Can I scrootch him now Cloyd? Can I? Can I?

You just said, "Cheese in my pants makes me happy." (in French)

I don't care if he runs through the store with a rubber glove on his head screaming, "Hi! I'm a squid."

Have a bamboo shoot? Tastes like porch furniture.

Ask a silly question and I guess you get a silly road.

I'm glad the average crook has a brain smaller than that of a walnut.

Don't cross your bridges before they are hatched.

Because the county made a rule in the county that you can't take anything that's in the county out of the county if it was in the county when the county was not yet a county.

The shortest distance between two points is a row of corn.

Move that crate. That light ain't gonna get any greener.

Come move this transmission so I can take a bath!

You can lead a horse to water, but not to broccoli.

They filled my foxhole with peas and carrots.

I'll garnish my weapon and let the police shoot me.

Look at this cheese. It's got holes in it.

Last week, we got two gross of pith helmets. (in the arctic)

Isn't it elf-explanatory? I'm an elf.

The only requisition that's been filled is the one for more requisition paper.

I don't break the law! I leave that to criminals and the police.

Full speed afish!

Last night, I played a blank tape at full volume. The mime next door called the cops.

If the ball fails to drop on New Years Eve, the guy who drops the ball dropped the ball. But if the ball drops on schedule, then he didn't drop the ball.

I'm half Italian - the bottom half.

The ding danger done dung!

What did I do on D-day? On D-day, I typed up the general's requisition for more toilet paper.

OK, let's see the photos of what didn't happen!

No, because the one who isn't my fiancee also is the one who isn't my wife.

America's enemies don't punch a clock.

We're trying to figure out where his head came from.

Captain! You've got a bulb in your mouth!

Your hair is always combed, your suit is always white, your car is always clean.

Wow! A wall jumpin' party. Just like back home!

Every time a child cries, a clown gets new underpants.

I'm done eating apples. Who'd want to keep a doctor like him away?

It works neat, Dad! Only how often do you want to take down a pencil sharpener?

Ouch! You and your stupid mammoth slippers.

Bend Oregon. It's right there on the box. How do you do that?

He drunk-drivered himself into lame-duckness.

But you have to take anything a TV newsman says with a bag of salt.

It looks like their fleet of truck broke down.

The president is on the side of the country instead of the side of the miners.

Mars was just like the earth, and then it got all dirty.

Don't point a dog at anyone unless you intend to use it.

My opponent is a homo-sapiens and engages in heterosexual behavior.

If you eat this candy, it will make your child hyperactive.

I was in Salt Lake City once. It was closed.

November 21 1996 is Thanksgiving Day on some calendars made in Memphis Tennessee.

It must be spontaneous destruction.

Half of the lies my opponent tells about me are not true.

It seems he was caught in a scandal involving a camel and a wicker basket.

This is the biggest mess since the dog chased the chickens through the sorghum vat.

We have a nut-powered government.

Olympic symbol? I thought someone's Slinky fell apart.

The average human heart beats 3 billion times in a lifetime, and that's how beat I feel.

You could ruin a train wreck.

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