The First Church of Linux

If I hadn't already known--or at least had some idea of the religious zeal I was about to face, I would have been more shocked at the response to my 2009's 10 Worst Linux Distributions post from the other day. I now have definitive evidence that Linux is a religion--a religion that spans the globe, crosses all cultural boundaries, all languages and has as much power as any other "established" religion. Today, 16 July, 39 AL (After Linus), I now officially establish The First Church of Linux.

If you seriously analyze it, Linux has all the ingredients and meets all the requirements for a religion, it has:

A divinely-inspired prophet: Linus Torvalds.
A Bible: Source code.
Individual sects: Novell, Red Hat, Slackware, etc.
Fundamentalists: Gentoo, Debian.
A Priest Class: Ubuntu.
Apostles: John 'Maddog' Hall, Richard Stallman, etc.
A Lunatic Fringe: CentOS, gOS, Google Chrome OS, Knoppix, etc.
Scribes: Developers.
Believers: You, me and millions of others.
Zealots: Those who convert by the sword (pen) and who believe that Linux is the one true way.
Martyrs: Jason Perlow and me - who get crucified on a regular basis.
An Accuser/Devil/Adversary: Steve Ballmer.
The Anti-Linus: Steve Jobs.
A Non-Profit Status.

If you want to join The First Church of Linux, let me know, I'd be glad to add you to the roll. I am the Kernel of the new church and will busy myself with church processes, such as ordaining agents, casting out daemons, killing zombies and oppressing the masses with new code and documentation.

OK, zealots, ready those pens that are mightier than the sicarii and tear away at the flesh of the Ballmerites and the Jobians. Conversion has never tasted so sweet.

[churchlady]

Well well well aren't you special. Who could have prompted you to write something like this? Hmmm, I don't know... Could it be? Sssayyten?!? :D

[khess]

Soooo, you're saying that Steve Ballmer asked me to write this? I haven't gone that far to the dark side.

[LinuxDemon]

Count me in!

[geek1983]

Yes! I want to be in! ^^

[khess]

New members: Don't forget to Gentoo-flect when in the presence of a Linux host.

Also, if you want to keep Losher, you're allowed to eat Nachos, Hamburgers, Chinese food and drink Diet Dr. Pepper. Gin and Tonic seems to be acceptable as well.

[naesk]

All we need is some commandments. Maybe these would suffice;

http://www.bloggliv.se/the-10-commandments-for-linux-users/

[Lisa Hoover]

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of tarballs, I will fear no virus; for my distro is with me; its root and source code shall comfort me...

[einheit]

Oh come now, Jason Perlow is no martyr - he's a contented microsoft geek who dabbles in linux.

More importantly, the anti-linus is not Steve Jobs, but Steve Ballmer.

[zeke123]

Wow, from troll linking to junior high projects.
Nice.
John C. Dvorak would be have been so proud of you.

RMS cant be an apostle, its doesnt make sense.
He's more Joseph or even one hairy Virgin Mary.

if you see the GPLv2 as the star the three wise men saw, ten you could
add Maddog, RMS and some other irsute to this role.

The apostles would be the various KDE, Gnome, kernel and various that joined the project . KDE's founder Mathias Ettrich, hacker extraordinaire Alan Cox, Maybe throw in a few 'image guys' like flyboybubuntu. Heck, even PJ could work as an apostle..

The 'etc' part was extreme lazyness as it seems was the rushed final product.

I give you a good grade for the intention but a mediocre one for the execution.

INC.
*Please hand in assignment again after you have completed it and well talk about a B-

This could have been a great blog and you blew it.

[khess]

@Zeke123

It's easier to criticize than to create. I guess that's why God has so many critics. ;-)

[Jason Perlow]

"Oh come now, Jason Perlow is no martyr - he's a contented microsoft geek who dabbles in linux."

Contented? You must have missed the dozen or so articles I've written in the last year about how much I hate Vista and that Microsoft should give out Windows 7 for free. That I happen to like their server and virtualization solutions does not make me at all a"Contented" end-user. when I use Windows, I do it out of necessity.

And I "Dabble" in Linux the same way Masamune "dabbled" in sword-making. I architect more Open Source solutions per year than I do Microsoft-based ones. 10 years at Linux Magazine as Sr. Technology Editor also counts for more than dabbling.

[matthewb]

A "counter-proof" to your "definite proof".
If Linux were a religion, there would be a jihad/crusade going on. We would burn Windows installation disks and smash iPods to pieces. We would stone the annoying bloggers.
Since there is only discussion on the net (not always civil, but still), it becomes obvious that Linux is a philosophy. How disappointing.

[churchlady]

Stone him ! Oh wait he already stoned! tee hee

[yonnie]

I would prefer Linux to have a first Temple, since only Christians have churches.

[khess]

@yonnie

How about a Linogogue?