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Hey, I'm applying to University to study Computer science and need your opinion on my personal statement:

From an early age I have always been extremely interested in computing. From playing games, doing School work and discovering the inner workings of computers and what else they could do. I remember in School wanting to take advantage of the technology available, I would word-process my work whereas other people’s work would be hand written.

My interest in computers has never left me, only expanded more. I self taught myself HTML and CSS at an early age so I could create small websites and if I had an error I would re-write the particular part again so I learnt.

I went onto discover more about Web Technology where I self-taught myself PHP and MYSQL by practicing, mistakes and reading books. I remember having the desire to develop a user system and giving myself aims and targets to achieve this. The practical aspects of programming doesn’t just interest me, I am also interested in the theory of the languages.

My A-Levels in Software Development helped expand my understanding on computing. Introducing new, complex and exciting languages like C++, which I excelled in. When I was given a task I was looking at different ways I could go about the task in another, advanced way to expand my understanding more. I remember doing my Web Server Scripting assignment (“PHP”) over a weekend a year before it had to be handed in. I liked every aspect of the course and didn’t find the units too demanding or challenging.

Aside from College work I have done some personal projects in my spare time, working on different platforms. These include:

• Multi-Page Websites
• E-commerce Software
• User systems
• Forums

I was also researching the creation of Compilers and Interpreters to build my own language but at the time I didn’t feel I had the right skills but it has always been an ambition of mine, which I hope to fulfil one day.

Asides from education I also feel that it is important to take time off and relax. I spend time socialising with friends and meeting new people. My hobby is fishing as I enjoy the relaxation and a way of escaping from the everyday stresses. I have also learnt to keep my personal life and College life separate.

Is that ok? Sorry if I'm not allowed to ask this..

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Last Post by BestJewSinceJC
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Hey, I'm applying to University to study Computer science and need your opinion on my personal statement:

From an early age I have always been extremely interested in computing. From playing games, doing School work and -> to discovering the inner workings of computers and what else they could do. I remember in School wanting to -> During high school I would frequently take advantage of the technology available, ->; I would word-process my work whereas other people’s work would be hand written give more examples?.

My interest in computers has never left me, only expanded more -> but, rather, has grown. I self taught myself (redundant) HTML and CSS at an early age so I could create small websites and if I had an error I would re-write the particular part again so I learnt -> that I would learn from my mistakes.. (this whole part in italics is awkward

I went onto discover more about Web Technology (why capitalized?) where I self-taught myself (again, redundant) PHP and MYSQL by practicing, learning from my mistakes and reading books. I remember having the desire to develop a user system (what?) and giving myself aims and targets -> goals to achieve this. The practical aspects of programming doesn’t just interest me, I am also interested in the theory of the languages. (What are you trying to say here? If you don't want to accomplish anything with your programs, maybe CS isn't for you!)

My A-Levels in Software Development helped expand my understanding on computing. Introducing new, complex and exciting languages like C++, which I excelled in. When I was given a task I was looking at different ways I could go about the task in another, advanced way to expand my understanding more. I remember doing my Web Server Scripting assignment (“PHP”)(ditch the quotation marks) over a weekend a year before it had to be handed in. (this sounds like useless bragging and will get you nowhere) I liked every aspect of the course and didn’t find the units too demanding or challenging. (reword, get rid of italics part

Aside from College work (you've already done college work? explain) I have done some personal projects in my spare time, working on different platforms. These include:

• Multi-Page Websites (not worth mentioning)
• E-commerce Software
• User systems (explain)
• Forums (if you built the whole thing from scratch, explain. Otherwise, not worth mentioning)

I was also researching the creation of Compilers and Interpreters to build my own language but at the time I didn’t feel I had the right skills but it has always been an ambition of mine, which I hope to fulfil (spelling)one day. (reword this to simply say that you're interested in compilers and aspire to perhaps create your own language.)

Asides -> aside from education I also feel that it is important to take time off and relax. I spend time socialising (spelling)with friends and meeting new people. My main hobby is fishing as I enjoy the relaxation and a way of escaping from the everyday stresses. I have also learnt -> learned to keep my personal life and College life separate. -- This sentence isn't really necessary...or helpful

Is that ok? Sorry if I'm not allowed to ask this..

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Get help from a professional, in person, with your write up. Here are some tips since I've been through similar processes myself, but I'm not a professional at this, nor are most anyone on daniweb. And if you don't get help from a professional, at least get help from someone who knows good grammar. Bad grammar will cause your write up to be thrown out immediately.

1. Don't give more examples, give better examples. Talking about word processing your work isn't impressive. Get rid of it.
2. Explain all of the extras you have listed briefly. For example, what Ecommerce software? Give a one line description.
3. Some of your statements will only hurt your chances (i.e. "I didn't find their courses too demanding or challenging") it sounds like you didn't get that much out of the course. Talk about how you utilized past courses to improve your skills, if anything. Don't mention them at all otherwise.

Edited by BestJewSinceJC: n/a

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Good advice on resume/mission statement.
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