Republican Humor - Page 2

[sneekula]

I've been talking to Vicente Fox, the new president of Mexico ... to have gas and oil sent to U.S. so we'll not depend on foreign oil...
--George W. Bush

[sneekula]

George W. Bush addressing war veterans:
"You took an oath to defend our flag and our freedom, and you kept that oath underseas and under fire."

[Ancient Dragon]

I've been talking to Vicente Fox, the new president of Mexico ... to have gas and oil sent to U.S. so we'll not depend on foreign oil...
--George W. Bush

You mean Mexico isn't part of USA :) It might as well be, with all the illegals crossing the borders.

[vegaseat]

In a recent poll just 49% of Republicans say there is evidence of global warming.

[GrimJack]

Bob Dole said, upon having seen former Presidents Carter, Ford, and Nixon, referred to them as “See No Evil, Hear No Evil and Evil.

[bumsfeld]

President Bush said that after he retires he wants to write one book.

Bush said he's not sure if it will be about politics or about his personal life, but he is sure it will be great pop-up book.

[ZZucker]

He also said, "I'm the master of low expectations."

[Lardmeister]

So community colleges are accessible, they're available, they're affordable, and their curriculums don't get stuck. In other words, if there's a need for a certain kind of worker, I presume your curriculums evolved over time.
[George W. Bush in Niceville Florida on Aug. 2004]

[sneekula]

"For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It's just unacceptable. And we're going to do something about it."

George W. Bush
May 14, 2001

[ZZucker]

I'm gracious that my brother Jeb is concerned about the hemisphere as well.
-- Jeb's brother George

[Lardmeister]

W: "It's important for people to know that I'm the president of everybody."

[sneekula]

Another bumpersticker seen in one of the fancy subs North of Detroit:

[Lardmeister]

W: "We will make sure our troops have all that is necessary to complete their missions. That's why I went to the Congress last September and proposed fundamental -- supplemental funding, which is money for armor and body parts and ammunition and fuel."

[Ene Uran]

W: "We will make sure our troops have all that is necessary to complete their missions. That's why I went to the Congress last September and proposed fundamental -- supplemental funding, which is money for armor and body parts and ammunition and fuel."

I don't think this is very funny, it is rather sad IMHO!

[bumsfeld]

I have other W one:
"I wasn't happy when we found out there wasn't weapons in Iraq."
(from our champ's mouth during the 2nd presidential debate)

[sneekula]

And everybody wants to be loved -- not everybody, but -- you run for office, I guess you do. You never heard anybody say, 'I want to be despised, I'm running for office.'
(W. in Tipp City, OH 04/19/2007)

[sneekula]

A bumpersticker seen in one of the fancy Republican subs North of Detroit:

[sneekula]

UU talk:
"I believe a military of high morale is conducive to keeping the peace... not the worst but... when we find a senior who has to choose between food and medicine-that's not our vision of America."

[Dave Sinkula]

I asked my friend's little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?'

She replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.'

'Wow...what a worthy goal.' I told her, 'You don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow, edge, pull weeds, and sweep my garage, and I'll pay you $50.-Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house.'

She thought that over for a few seconds while her Mom glared at me, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, 'Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?'

I said, 'Welcome to the Republican Party.'

Her folks still aren't talking to me.

Heh.

[sneekula]

Just another one before the good man leaves the White House (don't think McCain is quite as eloquent in his speeches). Here is UU speaking to Caterpillar company employees in East Peoria, IL on 01/30/2007:
"Trade is an important subject here at Caterpillar, and the reason why is because a lot of the product you make here, you sell to somebody else, sell overseas to another country. That's trade. And yet it's--it's a topic of hot debate."

[Lardmeister]

W: "I have a different vision of leadership. A leadership is someone who brings people together."

[GrimJack]

$ telnet barackobama.com 443
Trying 66.39.143.229...
Connected to barackobama.com.
Escape character is '^]'.
Connection closed by foreign host.
$ telnet johnmccain.com 443
Trying 64.203.107.149...
Connected to johnmccain.com.
Escape character is '^]'.
Connection closed by a real American.

[tiger86]

Hey you can't have a good election without the jackass party. I am serious Democrats have a donkey also called a jackass as there animal and I don't think they could have picked one that fits them better.

[GrimJack]

Hey you can't have a good election without the jackass party. I am serious Democrats have a donkey also called a jackass as there animal and I don't think they could have picked one that fits them better.

So, you're a twit? Or is that limit of your idea of Republican humor?

[tiger86]

No I am not a twit. Why did you go to the extent to photoshop your face so it looks better then it does in real life?

[GrimJack]

No I am not a twit. Why did you go to the extent to photoshop your face so it looks better then it does in real life?

It was an either/or question - this implies you have no concept of humor.

Now I see that your repartee is not too good either.

[tiger86]

Okay well I heard about your face cause it was on the news that they had to ban it from 47 states cause it was scaring small children and the elderly. I would take it off as your avatar if I was you.

[GrimJack]

Sigh

[ZZucker]

Now this is a convoluted piece of Bushism the man presented in Washington, DC on
03/13/2001:
"The true threat is whether or not one of these people decide, peak of anger, try to hold us hostage, ourselves; the Israelis, for example, to whom we'll defend, offer our defenses, the South Koreans."

[sneekula]

Hey you can't have a good election without the jackass party. I am serious Democrats have a donkey also called a jackass as there animal and I don't think they could have picked one that fits them better.

More people get killed annually by donkeys than elephants. Now that is Republican humor at its finest!