The G.W. Bush Virus – Causes your computer to keep looking for viruses of mass destruction.
The John Kerry Virus – Stores data on both sides of the disk and causes little purple hearts to appear on screen.
The Ronald Reagan Virus – Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.
The Clinton Virus – Gives you a permanent hard drive with NO memory.
The Al Gore Virus – Creates 100% CPU usage by causing your computer to keep counting and re-counting.
The Bob Dole (aka Viagra) Virus – Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.
The Lewinsky Virus – Sucks all the data out of your computer, and then e-mails everyone about what it did.
The Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus – Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back.
The Mike Tyson Virus – Quits after two bytes.
The Oprah Winfrey Virus – Your 200 GB hard drive shrinks to 100 GB, and then slowly expands to re-stabilize around 250 GB.
The Ellen Degenerate Virus – Disks can no longer be inserted.
The Prozac Virus – Totally screws up your RAM, but your CPU doesn't care.
The Michael Jackson Virus – Only attacks minor files.
The Lorena Bobbitt Virus – Turns your hard drive into a 3.5" floppy -- then discards it through Windows.
The MaryK virus – Continually accesses the same minor file, despite firewalls and other protective measures.