Reverend Boudreaux was the part-time pastor of the local Cajun Baptist Church and Pastor Thibodaux was the minister of the Covenant Church across the road. They were both standing by the road, pounding a sign into the ground that read:
'Da End is Near Turn Yo Sef 'Roun Now Afore It Be Too Late!'
As a car sped past them, the driver leaned out his window and yelled, 'You religious nuts!'
From the curve they heard screeching tires, and a big splash...
Boudreaux turns to Thib and asks 'Do ya tink maybe da sign should jussay.... 'Bridge Out?'
Talking about old ladies, this is a classic I guess:
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, " Why then don't you eat the peanuts yourself?".
"We can't chew them because we've no teeth," she replied.
The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?"
The old lady replied, "We just love the chocolate around them."
You've seen all the commercials. But here's what really happened when I asked for help with an erection lasting more than 4 hours.
I walked into a drug store and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman I was speaking with said she was the only pharmacist and since she and her sister owned the store, there were no male employees.
She asked if she could help me. I said that I really would have preferred to speak with a male pharmacist. She assured me that she was completely professional and whatever it was that I needed to discuss, I could be confident that she would treat me with a high level of professionalism.
I reluctantly agreed and began by saying, "As a shy man, this is tough for me to discuss, but here goes. I get erections every day that last more than four hours. This condition causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. I was wondering what you could give me for it?"
The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll talk to my sister."
When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and this is the absolute best we can do:
Question: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer 1: None, it's a hardware issue
Answer 2: A properly designed light bulb object would inherit a Change() method from a generic base Lighting class, so all you'd have to do is send a light bulb change message.
The junior coroner is on duty when a body is brought into the morgue. While examining the back side of the body he notices a cork stuck in the man's butt. When he removes the cork he hears the strains of "Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys...". He replaces the cork and the music stops. He removes the cork and the music resumes with, "Don't give 'em guitars and let 'em drive trucks...". He replaces the cork and leaves to fetch his boss. When they return, he says to the senior coroner, "listen to this", then removes the cork. Once again he hears "Make 'em be doctors and lawyers and such...". He replaces the cork and says, "well, aren't you surprised?" His boss says, "not really. Any a$$hole can sing country."
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!
GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
To die in the rain. Alone.
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?