There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed in his desire to become a great writer.
When he was asked to define "Great" he said:
I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make people scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!
He now works at Microsoft writing error messages....
You may have noticed the increased amount of notices for you
to notice. And, we have noticed that some of our notices have
not been noticed. This is very noticeable. It has been noticed
that the responses to the notices have been noticeably
unnoticeable. Therefore, this notice is to remind you to notice
the notices and to respond to the notices because we do not want
the notices to go unnoticed.
Every non trivial program has at least one bug.
Corollary 1 - A sufficient condition for program triviality is that it have no bugs.
Corollary 2 - At least one bug will be observed after the author leaves the organization.
An old cowboy dressed to kill with cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and
chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey,
a young lady sat down next to him.
After she ordered her drink she turned to the cowboy and asked him,
"Are you a real cowboy?"
To which he replied, "Well, I have spent my whole life on the ranch, herding cows, breaking horses, mending fences, I guess I am."
Then he asked her what she was. She replied, "I've never been on a ranch
so I'm not a cowboy, but I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking
about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women, when I
eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women."
A short while later she left and the cowboy ordered another drink. A
couple sat down next to him and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
To which he replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian."
He knocked on a door and a shapely 30-something woman dressed in a very sheer negligee answered the door. He raised his basket to show her the peaches and asked, "Would you like to buy some peaches?"
She pulled the top of the negligee to one side and asked, "Are they as firm as this?"
He nodded his head and said, "Yes ma'am," and a little tear ran from his eye.
Then she pulled the other side of her negligee off asking, "Are they nice and pink like this?" The farmer said, "Yes," and another tear came from the other eye.
Then she unbuttoned the bottom of her negligee and asked, "Are they as fuzzy as this?"
He again said, "Yes," and broke down crying.
She asked , "Why on earth are you crying?"
Drying his eyes he replied, "The drought got my corn, the flood got my soy beans, a tornado leveled my barn, and now I think I'm gonna get screwed out of my peaches."
Monk : the "R"
A young monk arrives at the monastery, assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.
He notices, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. The new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up!
That error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.
The abbot, says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."
He goes down into the basement,
the sub basement,
into dark caves underneath the monastery
where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault hewn from solid rock,
that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years.
Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot.
So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees the abbot banging his head against the wall and wailing.
We missed the R !
We missed the R !
We missed the R !
His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.
The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?"
With a choking voice, the old abbot replies,
"The word was... celebrate !!!"
My greatest fear has become reality.
My wife is allergic to our spaniel Bobby !
This is a tough decision, but I am looking for someone who can help us and can offer a warm and cozy home .
FYI: She is 43 years , measuring 1.72 m weighs 65 kg and is called Josephine.
Paddy had been drinking at his local pub all day and most of the night, celebrating St Patrick’s Day.
Mick, the bartender says, ‘You’ll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy’
Paddy replies, ‘OK Mick, I’ll be on my way then’. Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face.
Damn’ he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face, ‘oh bloody damn! He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he’ll be fine.
He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his face ‘Bi’ Jesus… I’m in bloody trouble,’ he says.
He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door, hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside
He takes a look up the stairs and says ‘No bloody way....’ He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says ‘I can make it to the bed’. He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says ‘damn it’ and falls into bed.
The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, ‘Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night ?’
Paddy says, ‘I did, Jess. I was bloody pissed. But how did you know?’
‘Mick phoned .. . . You left your wheelchair at the pub.’